The Dukes of Hazzard: Reunion!

[SIREN WAILING]

BALLADEER:

Hazzard County, U.S.A.

For all y'all that ain't ever been there,

you better buckle up...

...because you're in for a ride.

Lots of folks have been curious

about what ever happened...

...to the Dukes of old Hazzard County.

First, there's Bo.

One day, old Bo was driving to Nashville

to see the Opry...

...but took a wrong turn at Charlotte...

...which turned out good because

now he's a racecar driver on the pro circuit.

That's him in that fancy sports car

heading for Hazzard.

And Luke Duke was full of plans to

leave Hazzard and set the world on fire.

But instead old Luke's putting out fires...

...as senior smokejumper

for the Forestry Service.

Now, that's hot.

Sweet Daisy Duke followed her heart

after some slick Romeo.

It didn't work out, but, friend,

you talk about changes.

The Duke on her jacket

doesn't mean her name.

That's where she goes to graduate school,

getting a Ph.D. in ecology.

Yeah, that Daisy.

Remember old Cooter?

He took a bath and had a shave

and got himself elected to Congress.

Only in America.

Now, Boss Hogg is passed,

God rest him...

...but he left his empire

to Sheriff Rosco...

...and Rosco's doing his best to maintain

Boss Hogg's high standard of low villainy.

But he's still Rosco.

And Uncle Jesse is the grand marshal

of the whole reunion...

...if they can ever get it off the ground.

Wait a minute.

Wait, you're stopping it.

BALLADEER:

Anyway, you'll see everybody...

because they're all coming to

the Hazzard homecoming.

And believe me,

you don't wanna miss that.

- Uncle Jesse. Hey.

JESSE:
Cooter.

- Good to see you.

-You look great.

You know what? You drove all the way

from Washington D.C...

...and got here before anybody else.

I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Now tell me what's gonna happen.

Well, we're pulling out all the stops.

We're gonna have ourselves

a possum cook-off.

COOTER:

Mm-hm.

And I'm entered into

the rattlesnake-chili cook-off.

You know, that's a hard one to win...

...because it calls for a scratch recipe.

and you start with a live snake.

Well. that ought to thin out

the competition.

Oh, it does.

I'm telling you,

old Hazzard ain't changed a whole lot.

Hello, Sam, Martha.

COOTER:

Well, now, wait just a minute here.

Those folks just snubbed you,

Uncle Jesse.

JESSE:

Never mind, Cooter.

Would you look at that?

We had to change the name of

the Hazzard County Tough Man Contest...

...to the Tough Person Contest.

- How come?

-Well, Bertha Jo Barlow entered.

And in a way, she is the toughest man

in Hazzard County.

Hey, Bertha Jo.

Uncle Jesse.

[JESSE CHUCKLES]

JESSE:

You know Cooter here.

COOTER:

Yeah, how you been, girl?

Cooter.

Oh, it's good to see you.

When's Daisy coming?

I'm dying to see her.

Well, they're due in around 12:00.

Come by.

Oh, I can't.

Today's first-round eliminations.

- Well, stomp them good.

-Okay.

- I've gotta run. Bye.

-Bye, Bertha Jo.

Hey there, Jake.

All right, Uncle Jesse.

What's going on?

Well. a lot more than the homecoming.

Your Uncle Jesse's in big trouble, Cooter.

So you can't tell me anything?

Well, Cooter, my stomach just won't stand

to tell that story more than once.

So you just wait till everybody gets here

and I'll tell you.

All right.

[CAR BACKFIRING]

That'll be Bo.

Sounds like he's got a bad cold.

Hey, Bo.

Well, you sure as heck ain't Bo.

Hey, darling.

BO:
Hey, hey, Uncle Jesse.

-There he is.

- Cooter.

COOTER:
Hey, Bo.

Well. if you two ain't a sight for sore eyes.

Look at you.

- Look at you.

JESSE:
You rascal.

BO:

Oh, hey, wait, excuse me.

Y'all, I want you to meet Tammy.

She is Miss Talladega Raceway.

She gave me a ride

when my car wrecked.

Ma'am, can you stay for ribs?

No, Uncle Jesse. Thanks.

- Tammy, thanks a lot.

-Any old time, Bo.

- All right.

TAMMY:
Bye.

Bye now.

She's so good-looking it hurts.

Yeah, that Tammy ain't half bad, either.

I'm kidding you.

I'm kidding you, Cooter.

Look at you. with a suit and tie on.

Don't you look like something else--

[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]

- Ribs ready?

JESSE:
Waiting.

I've been riding this hog since dawn.

COOTER:
Hey.

BO:
Hey, Daisy.

- You're a sight for sore eyes.

DAISY:
Hey. Cooter.

I'm so proud of you.

You served in Congress.

Me? How about you?

Going off to graduate school.

getting a Ph.D.

DAISY:
Well, working on it.

BO:
Hey, come here, you.

- You look great.

-Well, thank you, honey.

So, what's new?

- Well. I wrecked my car.

JESSE:
That's not new.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Which race?

Well. it was actually on

the way to the track.

- No.

-The ribs are ready.

BO:

Hey, hey, hey.

- You ain't lost that old barbecue touch.

DAISY:
Uh-uh.

[HORN HONKING]

That'll be Luke.

- See you later, guy.

LUKE:
All right.

MAN:
Take her easy, now.

LUKE:
Be good.

- See you all later.

-What happened to his car?

Well, he's a smokejumper

for the Forest Service now.

He probably just got a ride

with those people.

Here, have this one.

Hey, how long's that boy

been out of Hazzard?

[LAUGHING]

- Gotcha, Cooter.

-We gotcha.

LUKE:
See you.

-Sure.

All right, now.

BALLADEER:

Now that everybody finally showed up...

...it was time for Uncle Jesse

to explain why he was in trouble.

Here they are, Uncle Jesse.

JESSE:
Pass them out, Bo.

-Yes, sir.

JESSE:
So. what's going on here is

more than just a homecoming festival.

Sometime ago, a big-city developer

by the name of Jo Max came to town...

...and offered to build

a Hazzard County theme park.

COOTER:
Theme park?

BO:
Jo Max?

Shoot, even the name sounds like

a big shot.

JESSE:
She is.

-She?

Jo stands for Josephine.

Her name is Josephine Max.

- And they call her Mama Max.

-So, what's the catch?

JESSE:

They're gonna build it in Hazzard Swamp.

Oh, wait a minute,

won't that ruin the swamp?

Yeah. And in order to get to it.

they have to go across our property.

So Mama Max sued me

for access to the swamp.

Hey, wait a minute.

She can't do that, can she?

And folks are very unhappy about that.

They want those jobs and that money.

- And I'm the one preventing it.

-But they mustn't destroy the swamp.

That swamp has been a haven for wildlife

ever since God created it.

- That's right.

COOTER:
It sure has.

Now, they've called a press conference

to make some kind of announcement.

- What about?

JESSE:
And Boss Rosco is--

- Boss Rosco?

-Boss Rosco?

- What?

JESSE:
Well, yeah.

Since Boss Hogg died,

Rosco inherited his whole empire.

BALLADEER:
So now old Rosco wears

two hats, sheriff and boss commissioner.

And Cletus is now chief deputy,

driver and dog nanny.

Rosco tries hard to run things

just like Boss did: crooked.

ROSCO:

Ladies and gentlemen.

Today, our honored guest

is a famous developer.

Now, she doesn't need any introduction,

so I'm gonna introduce her...

...Miss Mama Jo Max.

BALLADEER:
Rosco and Mama Max

are tangled together thick as kudzu.

Thank you, fine citizens

and neighbors of Hazzard.

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