The Dukes of Hazzard: Reunion! Page #2

I wish to tell you today

that on Saturday...

...we are gonna sign the lease

for 99 years for Hazzard Swamp...

...where we will develop and build

a magnificent theme park.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Even though our good neighbor,

Mr. Jesse Duke...

...has denied us access across his land.

WOMAN:
Oh, no.

MAN:
Jesse.

[CROWD GRUMBLING]

MAX:
We are gonna have

that theme park...

...even if we have to build a causeway

over the swamp.

[CROWD CHEERING]

However, that would mean at least

a three-year delay.

[CROWD GROANING

AND BOOING]

MAX:
Now, let's just get on

with the celebration. Rosco.

- Now, boss? Now, boss?

-No, not now, you lug nut.

Now, I have had a wonderful idea.

I was just thinking. what if

we had an overland moonshine race...

...like we used to have with

the famous General Lee of the Dukes?

You know. And I have convinced

Miss Mama Jo Max to sponsor a vehicle...

...to race against for the $1000 prize.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Of course, we all know that

the General Lee is long gone.

What do you mean, long gone?

General Lee's family.

And he's been stored

over in Cooter's garage.

Oh, isn't that wonderful.

Now, Cletus.

CLETUS:
Now?

ROSCO:
Yes, now.

Uh...

Then why don't we--?

Here. Take this.

Then why don't we have

an overland car race...

...between the challenger

and the General Lee?

[CROWD CHEERING]

What a great idea.

- If the General Lee is up to it.

-Well, now, hang on a minute, y'all.

The General's been sitting up for years

and he might not even crank.

- I agree.

MAX:
Wait a minute...

...I just had a good idea

of how to avoid the three-year delay...

...in the theme park.

How about a sporting wager, Mr. Duke?

If the General Lee wins.

you win $1000...

...plus we'll drop the lawsuit.

But if the challenge car wins...

...you give us access across your land...

...and there will be immediate jobs

for everybody.

- Lady--

-Hang on, Bo--

- You got yourself a bet!

-This is a setup.

Done deal.

[MOTOR REVING]

What's that?

Our challenge car.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Hi.

- Hey, ain't that Buzz?

LUKE:
And the Double Zero.

Yep. The only car that ever whipped

the General in an overland race.

- Thanks for reminding us.

-Listen to that engine.

- Couldn't you see it's a setup?

-So what? It's the only race we got.

I agree with Bo.

Come on, y'all. Let's go see if

we got a racecar to race with.

ANNOUNCER:

In this contest, anything goes.

BALLADEER:
While the boys

took off to find General Lee...

...Daisy went to the Tough Person Contest

to cheer her friend, Bertha Jo.

All right. let's have a clean, dirty fight.

Okay.

Get him, Bertha Jo! Get him!

BALLADEER:

The rules were very strict.

- No guns, knives or bottles.

- Let's fight.

[CHEERING]

BALLADEER:

You see, Bertha Jo's daddy raised mules.

The first time she was kicked in the head,

she got the idea for fighting mule-style:

[GRUNTING]

For she'd simply kick her opponent

out of the ring.

[JESSE LAUGHING]

MAN:

Get up!

BALLADEER:

Again...

...and again.

JESSE:

Looking good, Bertha Jo!

BALLADEER:
And so on, until he was plum

wore out just trying to get back in the ring.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER:
One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight, nine--

[ROSCO AND MAX LAUGHING]

Boss Hogg would be mighty

proud of you, Mama Jo.

- Oh, thanks.

-You're slick. Very slick.

[PHONE RINGING]

Thank you, and you know,

you can call me Josephine.

- Josephine.

-Have a cigar.

Oh, okay. Oh, Josephine.

Yeah.

You know, the first time I saw your name,

J-O...

...I thought you were a man

that couldn't spell Joe.

And the first time I saw you, well,

I knew you were also a lawman.

- And you reminded me of someone, but--

-Mm-hm?

- Clint. Clint Eastwood.

-Mm.

Yes!

It's the way you carry yourself.

Oh.

- Yeah. A lot of people notice that.

-Oh, I bet they do. Yeah.

You know,

when I showed you that old swamp...

...well, you know, I knew we were gonna

have trouble with the Dukes.

- You know, we gotta win that race.

-Oh, we will.

- We will.

-Rosco, darling.

What?

Do you know how much money

theme parks make?

Are you kidding?

- How much?

-Tons.

- Tons?

-Tons.

Is that more than a thousand?

Oh yeah, way more, and you're gonna

get your cut just like we agreed.

Shh. Shh.

Oh, oh, oh. Shh. Shh.

Okay, see you later.

- Clint.

-Mm.

Yes. You just...

[ROSCO BABBLING]

Clint? What do you think's wrong

with that woman's eyes, boss?

What you talking about?

Any half-wit can see the resemblance.

Well, I can't.

You could if you wanna keep your job.

[COUGHS]

Just a minute.

Say Make my day.

All right, punk...

...make my day.

You give me chills, Clint.

That's Boss Clint.

Boss-- Boss Clint.

Well...

[COUGHS]

...all right.

[CIGAR HISSES]

If that idiot ever got any money,

somebody would have to count it for him.

Okay, now let's go get our ringer.

What ringer?

Oh, a little insurance named Kam Cutler.

A disbarred race driver.

BALLADEER:

Kam was so mean...

...he couldn't resist causing trouble

even when he wasn't racing.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

COOTER:

Well, I sold off all my tools...

...took all them junk cars

and put them in the old barn there.

- General Lee's in there too.

-it looks like it's haunted to me, Cooter.

It's haunted all right,

by a lot of great memories.

Good to see the General a--

BO:

Hey, Cooter...

...where exactly did you say

you put the General?

He's gone.

I was wrong before.

Now we've been had.

BALLADEER:
You can't say those

Duke boys aren't perceptive.

BO:

Well, isn't this great?

Bet the farm on a race

we got no car to race with.

ENOS:

What are you boys doing?

COOTER:
Hey!

BO:
How are you?

Hey, Enos.

It's good to see you.

- Hey, look at you.

ENOS:
Hey, Bo.

All the way from Los Angeles.

Tell me, how's the pride

of the L.A.P.D. doing?

Hey, great. Traffic tickets are up,

crime is down.

Hey, is Daisy around?

- No, she's back at the farm.

-What are y'all doing here?

We came here to pick up General Lee

and it looks like it disappeared.

Me and my big mouth got us

snookered into an overland car race...

...with a couple of real shady characters.

We come here to get the car

and he's missing.

- The whole thing smells like a setup.

BO:
I think they took him.

Well, they must be smart,

planning so long ago.

LUKE:

What do you mean?

That layer of dust on the floor.

Only your footprints.

No tire tracks.

Must have been a long time

since the General Lee disappeared.

Well. I gotta go find Daisy.

Sure good seeing y'all again.

- Good to see you, Enos.

-I'll see y'all later. Cooter. Thanks a lot.

Duh!

Looks like he learned a whole heck of a lot

out there in L.A.

We were all so stunned by

the General being gone...

...we didn't even think

to look for tire tracks.

The last person who would have

been in here three years ago, Red Perkins.

I gave him the junk cars,

he must have took the General.

Absolutely.

BALLADEER:
Red Perkins was

the second-best mechanic in Hazzard...

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