The Dukes of Hazzard: Reunion! Page #3

...but when Cooter went to Congress,

Red became number one.

Hey. Hey, Red, what you doing,

you sorry old ridgerunner?

Ridgerunner, moi?

You mean my daddy.

Retired. Florida.

Mavis? Is that you?

Hey, hey, fellas.

Hey, gator!

Hey, Mavis.

- Gal, I believe you done grown up on us.

-Yeah.

- Very nicely too.

-I'll say.

- Well, thank you.

-You know, we're looking...

Do you know what your daddy did

with them old cars I gave him?

Yeah, sent them to the car crusher.

Oh, no.

- See, he...

-Yeah?

Old Red took a car by mistake--

-it was an orange stock car with a 01--

-And a flag on the top?

- General Lee.

-That's him.

Oh. yeah. Yeah.

Romeo's using it.

[ROOSTER CROWING]

Who's Romeo?

MAVIS:

Romeo is our rooster.

Daddy was sending this car to the crusher

when something made him stop.

He said it was just too pretty to destroy.

- Well, Mavis...

MAVIS:
Yes?

...your daddy has got a whole lot of soul.

Wow.

I had actually forgotten

how great-looking this car is.

The General just added to his legend.

Too pretty to die.

MAVIS:
Okay, I'm gonna leave so

you men can have a good cry.

COOTER:

Okay.

So Mama Max didn't steal him.

No, but that doesn't mean

we weren't set up.

You know, Uncle Jesse, I still always

try to get the peeling in one piece.

You know what the old-timers say:

if you throw it over your left shoulder...

...it'll form the initial of the person

you're gonna marry.

I already had one bad marriage.

L.D. ran off, I divorced him.

and I swore never again.

I know.

I'm gonna put these in to soak.

Why not?

Hey, Daisy.

Enos.

- Oh!

-I knocked in front, but nobody answered.

You look wonderful.

Daisy, it's a miracle.

You're more beautiful than ever.

Oh, you old honey-tongue, you.

- Here.

-What's this?

Just some letters.

I wrote you every week.

Sometimes twice,

but I couldn't bring myself to mail them.

There's so many.

Four hundred and seventy-six.

it's been a while.

It really has.

It'll give you something

to read this year.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Enos, you are so amazing.

- Come on up.

ENOS:
Daisy?

Let's go out tomorrow night.

We'll do the whole town.

Barbecue at the Boar's Nest,

frozen custard at the Dairy Queen.

- The works.

-I'd love to.

- You would?

-Yes.

Well, great. Great.

Well, I haven't been home yet

to see my folks.

I guess I better go.

- Oh, hey, Uncle Jesse.

-Hey, Enos.

Come on up and sit a spell.

Well, he hasn't changed.

I'm not so sure.

BALLADEER:

Now, friends, that is a pathetic sight.

We're gonna have to work all night

and all day to get the General right.

And we ought to be praying on a miracle.

We'll do it.

Oh, wow, will you look at that.

Poor old General Lee.

Oh, there ain't nothing wrong

with the General Lee.

What?

You better look through here, boss.

Get those glasses away from me.

See, they ain't seen the day

they could fool Rosco P. Coltrane.

Ain't that right, Toodles?

ROSCO:
Sneaky. You know, those

Duke boys are sneaky, you know?

Did you see what they did?

They dirtied that General Lee down

and then they towed it around so I'd see it.

- They're in trouble!

-Yes! No, not in trouble.

If they were in trouble,

they pretended they weren't.

But they didn't, so they ain't.

You got it?

No. It must be a boy thing.

Well, there's nothing wrong

with the General Lee.

And this Buzz, you know,

that worries me...

...because he's gotta beat Bo Duke,

and Bo Duke is a professional driver.

MAX:
Buzz Kilroy is not driving for us.

-Yeah?

No?

Kam, come here a minute.

You're gonna like this.

Meet Kam Cutler.

He's been outlawed on every pro track

in the country. He's our driver.

Oh.

He? Oh, I love it. I love it.

And we've got some other surprises

for the Duke boys along the way.

- We certainly do. Now come on, boss.

-Yeah?

- Why don't you just head over to the bank...

-Yeah?

...and see if they won't let you

practice counting money, okay, Clint?

[STAMMERING]

Counting...

Oh, that does it.

That is the dumbest primate

in this galaxy.

Yeah, a car ages about like a horse.

You know, one year's equal to six.

Poppa said seven.

BO:

Ta-da, look at this.

Shoot, that'd make the General

over 100, wouldn't it?

Yeah, older than that.

Y'all sure know how to build confidence.

Let's get after it.

[ROOSTER CACKLING]

BALLADEER:
The next day

at the Tough Person Contest...

...Bertha Jo kicked her way

to another victory.

Bertha Jo. Way to go, girl.

Way to go. Oh, get over here.

You don't know what it means

to have you cheering for me again.

You were there when I tried out

for the Atlanta Falcons.

And you should've made that team.

Bertha Jo,

I just know you're gonna win.

- That's what I'm afraid of.

-What?

- You don't wanna win?

-Not if it means beating Bubba.

Why, who's Bubba?

That's Bubba.

- The cute one.

-Which cute one?

- The one with the beard, silly.

-Oh.

Isn't he gorgeous?

DAISY:
Look out, Brad Pitt.

-Oh, Daisy...

...I love Bubba something terrible.

-Oh.

Can you believe we've been together

for a year?

- That's wonderful.

-Yeah, I know. But don't you see...

...if we both make the finals,

I'll have to fight Bubba.

I might win.

DAISY:

Well, isn't that the point?

Love is real strange, Daisy.

When I beat him

at the Hazzard arm-wrestling contest...

-...he wouldn't speak to me for a week.

-Oh, men are such babies.

Beating a man in private is one thing.

But beating him in public,

that does something to his ego.

So I'm gonna have to throw the fight.

What? B.J. you can't do that.

Women everywhere are counting on you.

What kind of a man would want a woman

who would throw a fight, huh?

- You really think so?

-Oh, absolutely.

Women's honor is at stake,

and your integrity.

Now, if you really love Bubba...

...you'll mop the floor with him.

Besides, maybe he won't make the finals.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Don't count on it.

BALLADEER:
Friends, this plot

is downright Shakespearean.

And while Daisy

was counseling Bertha Jo...

...the boys were working

all through the night.

[MOTOR REVING]

Yes!

[ALL CHEERING]

Man, that is as beautiful

as an old Hank Williams song.

Hey, now. Listen, just take it easy,

except on the straightaways.

I don't want no jumping at all.

Go easy on the curves.

This suspension's still a little squirrelly.

So no matter what you do,

please, take it--

[ENGINE ROARING]

All right.

BALLADEER:
It just so happened

that on that same road...

...old Cletus was

doing speed trap duty.

[GENERAL LEE'S HORN

HONKS DIXIE"]

[CLETUS BABBLING]

Boss-- I mean. sheriff...

...General Lee just ran our speed trap.

[SIREN WAILING]

ROSCO [OVER RADIO]:

Well, go after him.

And then I'll head south

and we'll box him in.

Oh, goody.

I knew there was nothing wrong

with that dang General Lee.

Hot pursuit!

[SIREN WAILING]

We got company.

Hey, isn't that Cletus?

- Hey, Cletus.

-Just like old times.

I got them in sight, sheriff.

ROSCO:
Well, stay with them,

lug nut. I'm coming, I'm coming.

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