The Edge of Seventeen Page #4

and I saw you... crying so hard.

I mean, so hard

your pillow was just soaked.

It made me so sad.

I got up and I went in my room

and I got my... my pillow.

Took the wet one for myself.

I wish you loved me that much.

A**hole.

No. No.

Hey, you're so messed up for bringing

up that story. You're so messed up!

Do you even realize how sick in the

head you are for bringing that up?

I'm sorry you feel guilty for never

caring about anyone but yourself.

- Yeah. No, that's exactly it. -Face it.

You're obsessed with yourself.

- Oh, my god. -Your report card on

the refrigerator like you're five!

"Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody, look.

I pooped in the big potty!"

God. Do you even know what it feels

like to love another human being?

Oh, man. You are so dramatic.

Okay? Hey, life isn't fair sometimes,

Nadine, okay? Get over it!

I swear to god. I swear to

god I'm gonna clock you!

- Hey!

- Calm down already, man!

- Everybody knows that!

- Stop it!

What is the matter with you? I...

I know what this is about.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do. Krista and

Darian are a thing.

You guys think I don't know

things, but I know things.

- I'm leaving. -No, you're not.

Where are you going?

- I'm taking a therapeutic walk.

- Get back here!

Oh, god. Darian.

Just don't worry about it.

Can I just ask you a question?

Is it worth turning the

house into a war zone?

What am I supposed

to say to that?

I'm just... I'm just

asking you the question.

I'm not turning it into a war zone, mom.

She is. Why don't you talk to her?

Because she doesn't

listen to me. You do.

You'll do the right thing.

I know you will.

I mean, look at that

drink you're making.

You want one?

Oh. What did I do to make

such a perfect kid, huh?

Could you point me in the

direction of the cat litter?

Uh...

Eight, I think.

You go to Lakewood, right?

Sometimes.

I've-I've seen you around. We've

just never really... T-talked.

Freshman.

Junior.

I-I don't... I don't really need

the cat litter. I just, um...

I don't even know why I said that.

I don't even have a cat.

I just know that they sh*t a

bunch, so... i like your shoes.

I gotta go.

Uh... okay.

Look on the bright side,

you know.

I mean, maybe they'll get married and then

my best friend will be a part of my family.

Helpful. Thank you.

It really bothers me she's not

giving you rides anymore though.

I'm gonna have to talk to her about that.

No, you're not!

I can't drive you every morning. It puts me

on the freeway late and adds 40 minutes.

If you do that, I will do something

equally terrible to you.

I will tell everyone on Facebook that

you pluck your nipples. How about that?

Oh.

Look, just tell me what you

want to hear and I'll say it.

Mom... i want to make

you feel better.

What can I say to do that?

I don't know.

Here's what I do

when I'm feeling down.

I get very quiet and very still.

And I say to myself...

Everyone in the world is as

miserable and empty as I am.

There's just better pretending.

Try it sometime.

Might bring you some peace.

Hey, uh, do you guys

know where Erwin Kim is?

I guess he hangs out

around here sometimes.

Yeah, he's working on

his project for SFF.

Sf-what?

The student film festival?

Right.

Yeah.

SFF.

Hey, um, I gotta talk to you

about some homework.

I didn't need to talk to you

about homework. I lied.

Are you enjoying my company?

You're a barrel of monkeys.

You never told me

if you have a wife.

You should date my mother.

Her last boyfriend turned out

to be an Internet perv.

She's very, very fragile,

very, um...

"oh, save me."

Men like that, right, though? 'Cause

at the end of the day they all wanna...

All wanna be a hero.

Everyone just wants to feel

important in life.

Thing is, no matter

how important they are,

there's always gonna be

someone more important.

People get so uptight about that.

Oh, no, they're better than me.

It's like, god,

they don't realize

important doesn't matter.

It's confidence. When confidence

breaks into the room...

It wins every single time.

Doesn't matter if it's real or pulling

it straight out of their ass.

People are dumb.

They don't know the difference.

You know what?

I'm gonna go ahead

and I'm gonna tell you the real reason

I'm having lunch with you today.

You see, I don't, uh... i don't really

have any friends at the moment.

And to be completely honest

with you, I'm not interested.

At all. My entire generation

is a bunch of mouth-breathers.

They literally have a seizure if you

take their phone away for a second.

They can't communicate

without emojis.

They actually think that the world wants

to know that they are "eating a taco!"

Exclamation point. Smiley face, smiley

face, smile... like we give a f***.

I am an old soul.

I like old music and old movies

and even old people.

Bottom line is I have nothing in

common with the people out there,

and they have nothing

in common with me.

Nadine.

Max.

Maybe...

Nobody likes you.

You're a dick.

Maybe nobody likes you, huh?

You're always... you're always in a sh*t

mood. You're a really shitty teacher.

You put zero effort

into everything you do.

And there's no way you're proud of that.

Look at you. Look at...

Like, you do nothing. Look at your hair.

You don't even...

You don't do your hair 'cause you

don't have any hair. You're bald.

You know what? You know

why you're not married?

Because bald men are gross and disgusting, and

especially the ones that make $45,000 a year.

What?

I've been doing this 23 years

and...

You're the first person to

ever underestimate my salary.

That made me feel good.

I mean, that... that part.

What are you doing?

I'm giving you half my cookie.

Why?

Make you feel better.

Jesus.

Guess what.

You're my favorite student.

Does that help?

Am I really

your favorite student?

It felt like

the right thing to say.

I didn't mean, like,

completely bald, by the way.

It's smart

what you do there too.

You kind of...

You kind of, you know...

I don't know.

Do you poof it up a little bit?

Give it a little zhuzh?

I'm glad you circled back

around and cleaned that up.

It certainly made me

feel better.

The dog's good,

but our real competition

is the hypno-toad.

- No, no.

- Yeah, I'm serious.

I practice those steps

all the time.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I heard you were looking

for me at lunch.

Yeah, I can't talk right now.

Oh, okay.

I just got... okay.

Hello?

Sorry.

Um, I just took some medicine.

I'll call after it kicks in.

Wait. What's wrong?

Are you... are you sick?

No, I'm fine. I'm not. No.

Medicine. Like... like

an antidepressant, whatever.

They gave them to me

when my dad died.

I was only on them

for a month though.

People take them all the time.

It's totally normal.

Oh.

Does that make you think

I'm pathetic all of a sudden?

Oh, no. No, I think...

I think you're

perfectly fine. Seriously.

Hey, do you have...

Do you have a swimming pool?

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