The Education of Charlie Banks Page #2

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...Perfect way

to end the war of ways

The only way to be a

Work of art

Oh, to be a work of art

Work of art

Oh, to be a work of art...

(exhales)

(chuckles)

Oh, thanks.

These were a gift.

Are you down with Schumpeter's theory

of constructive destruction?

No, but it sounds very cheeky

and kind of ironic.

Hmm.

Yeah, Schumpeter posits

that when industries advance

new technologies

that cannibalize the old--

it's constructive destruction.

Yeah, you gotta be cruel

to be kind.

That's not Schumpeter.

No, Nick Lowe.

Hmm.

Well, spare the rod--

spoil the child.

Uh, no pain, no gain.

(chuckles)

Ever cloud has

a silver lining.

Okay, we need to leave

this room immediately.

Yeah.

- It's depressing.

- It is depressing.

(chattering, laughing)

Oh, man, yo, there she is.

Yo, she's going into the Wick.

Wait, hold on. Hold on.

- What, her?

- Yeah.

I don't want to follow her right in.

I might as well bring some binoculars.

What, she's what?

She's a super-hot scion

of a 200-year-old American

political dynasty?

- Yeah.

- Well, okay, your grandfather

ran the communist party from above

this fish market in Philadelphia.

I see huge possibilities

here, Charlie.

- Hey, what the f*** is wrong with you?

- What?

Why do you wear those shitty-ass

Capezios

like you're some kind of moof

who can't afford a new pair?

What, you hate my shoes?

Yeah, obviously. I've been

given the gift of sight, unfortunately.

- Charlie, you hate my shoes?

- Yeah, and you got something there.

- I'll kick your ass with these shoes.

- It won't hurt.

- Charlie Banks!

- Hi.

Hey, how goes the story

with our man Raskolnikov?

Okay.

- Dude, Mary is over there.

- You're on your own.

So is her roommate, El Greco.

I know you think she's fine.

I see you looking at her all the time.

Thanks.

Danny, you need to examine

your isolationist stance.

He only wants to hang out with you

because he hasn't done his reading

in his Russian Lit class. You know that,

right? And there goes your beer.

They're all like that, man.

He hasn't done his reading

in any of his classes.

And you don't know

what they're all like. Come on.

Leo, Leo, hi.

Charlie. Charlie Banks.

You look great.

- Hey, come here. This is Mary.

- I'm Mary.

- Hi. Charlie.

- And the lovely Nia.

- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.

Charlie Banks.

Take a seat.

Oh, this is Danny.

He's my better half.

Danny, how are you?

A pleasure.

You know, you can sit down

like a real human being.

Hey, you know, if you guys

play poker

there's a game tonight at my place

after last call.

- What kind of stakes?

- Oral sex.

Ew, Leo.

Sorry. Oh, Nia, of course,

is only committed to handle any male

genitalia with external appendages.

- What, is that just hands?

- No no, feet as well.

Why is that?

Leo:
Well, she's already

spoken for.

Thus her more intimate cavities

are out of bounds.

Her parents, as it's a Greek custom,

have promised her to a man

for three goats, 40 drachmas

and half a ton of veggies, right?

I'm sorry.

We're in French class

together, right?

- Yeah.

- We've got an exam tomorrow.

That's right, yeah.

You have an exam tomorrow.

We all have exams tomorrow.

Can I please have another tequila shot

and a round for my friends--

three for Nia and two for these two

lovely ladies? Thank you.

Man:
You got it, Leo.

Charlie, you know what?

I remember being a freshman.

Those were the two best years

of my life.

Danny:
Luck? Did you say luck?

What?

Luck is half the game in this thing.

It's statistics. It's reading people--

seeing who's betting big

and who's bluffing.

- Charlie:
Right.

- Danny:
I got a read on you.

You know what it's like?

There's this guy from the neighborhood,

Fat-Ass Tommy.

- (laughing)

- That's funny?

- Isn't it supposed to be funny?

- No, it's not supposed to be funny.

- Do you want me to tell my story?

- No, it's incredibly deep and profound.

- Please tell it.

- Okay, fine.

Fat-Ass Tommy says that luck is

like milk and cigarettes, okay?

Eventually it runs out.

- Simple terms, but it's true.

- Charlie:
I think it's just simple.

I don't know if there's

much truth to that.

- Who is this Fat-Ass Tommy?

- That's Danny's imaginary friend

- from the neighborhood, right?

- Yeah.

I think you're

sitting on him, Nia.

You know what? Seriously, guys,

I'm not even--

I'm not even that good at this game.

You guys just suck.

Oh, really?

Okay, I'm sorry. Charlie sucks.

You guys are painfully mediocre.

You know what?

You're going down, b*tch,

'cause I'm gonna put one of these

red currencies in for $5.

You've got nothing, Charlemagne,

nothing but wet dreams.

I'll see that

and I'll raise you $5.

Oh, there's a raise.

All right, I'm in.

- I fold.

- You fold?

- Really?

- Okay, well, last card, down and dirty.

Charlie:
Oh, wow. Wow.

No, it's exciting for me.

- Bets to Charlie.

- All right, another $5.

I'll see that again.

How do you feel about that?

- What are you guys doing?

- I'm done.

Oh, that's just great.

What time is it?

- Mary:
Charlie.

- 'Cause I'm getting tired.

Too bad. I knew your plan to bluff

before I even dealt the cards.

- Did you?

- Yeah, I did.

- It's obvious?

- Yeah, very obvious.

Did you tell him?

Hey, is that true what Leo said

about Nia?

Oh, before she was even born

she was promised to the son

of her father's business partner.

Jesus Christ.

He's a billionaire

and really handsome,

but he's 35, you know?

It's a business deal,

not a romance.

Yeah, that's insane.

Here.

Don't you think it takes

all the fun out of life

when you're hitched up

right out of the gate?

Well, it's a little safer that way.

Yeah.

Thanks for this.

Yeah, you can send me a leaf

in return.

- See you soon.

- All right, good night.

That was fun.

Anybody use you

or take advantage of you in any way?

No.

But it's not my scene, you know?

You should give the idle rich a chance.

They're rather amusing.

- Mary:
Who is it?

- It's Charlie Banks.

- Hi.

- Hi. What's up?

Oh, nothing. Work.

What about you?

Yeah, the same, I guess.

- Nia:
Hey, Charlie.

- Oh, hey.

So are you doing anything

right now?

I'm reading "Mein Kampf"

in German

and I feel like my head's

about to explode.

You can read German?

Yeah, my maternal grandmother,

the baroness, taught me.

Impresses the hell

out of poli sci professors.

Yeah, I'm sure.

- What's up?

- Wait, a baroness? Really?

Yeah, really.

Oh, wow.

So what's going on?

No, nothing. I was just

actually coming by to see

if you wanted to grab

a wienerschnitzel or something.

There's a guy with a tray

on the lawn.

He's only gonna be there

for another 15 minutes.

Mary, you should go.

Go take a break.

Yeah, no, I can't.

That's really sweet, Charlie.

I'm just so buried right now.

I'm sorry.

That's cool. I will brush up

on my Germanic delicacies

and I will take

another shot, okay?

- Okay.

- All right.

- I'll see you, Charlie.

- All right. Don't work too hard.

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