The Experiment

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- You suck, Gertrude.

- You suck.

Yeah, I suck so bad I just skunked you.

Which means, you gotta eat your pills.

- You're supposed to be nice to me.

- I am nice to you.

- It's not my fault you got no game.

- You suck, Travis.

I know.

Hey there, Travis.

- I'll check on you later.

- All right.

Travis,

you've been talking about seeing the world

the whole time you've been here.

Think of it as an opportunity to

finally fulfill that.

- Well, then you're firing me.

- Not firing, laying off.

And I'm not laying you off,

the state is laying you off.

All these budget cuts.

They're clear-cutting the part-time positions.

This has nothing to do with you.

My advice, Travis, go see the world.

Get that out of your system

like you've always wanted.

Maybe you come back,

they may be hiring again.

- Home! Bring them home!

- Home! Bring them home!

- Bring them home!

- Bring them home!

- Bring them home! Bring them home!

- Bring them home! Bring them home!

- Bring them home! Bring them home!

- Bring them home! Bring them home!

- I can't believe they fired me yesterday.

- Come on, man. It was a nursing home.

- It's a retirement home.

- Yeah, that's what I said. A nursing home.

It's better for the world than insurance.

- Hey, I'm carrying a sign, aren't I?

- Great.

Listen, not to get new-agey or nothing,

but I think this is something that

was supposed to happen to you, you know?

Force you out of your comfort zone,

make you mix it up a little bit.

- I don't need to mix it up, I need to get paid.

- Get innovative then, man.

Don't tell me you don't know how to do that.

Back in college when you were

doing all that test subject sh*t.

Selling your sperm.

I never sold my sperm.

'Cause nobody in their right mind

would pay for a piece of those genes.

You know what?

Whoever said peace rallies is

where the action is, doesn't know sh*t.

- This is a f***ing dyke-fest.

- Not all of them.

No. Not happening.

What's happening?

- Hey. Hey!

- I got friends out there, you son of a b*tch!

- F***ing liberal p*ssy!

- Enough.

- Get your f***ing hands off me, man.

- Enough! Enough!

Guys like me go over there

and die for a living.

- Hey!

- Tee off, go ahead.

It's your issue, man. It's your issue, man.

Not mine.

Come on.

- Hypocrite!

- Let's go.

F***ing hypocrite! Go on!

Spread all your lies!

You got a captive audience,

you f***ing hippie liberal!

Go on,

with all your propaganda and diatribes.

Thanks.

- You okay?

- Yeah, you?

I'm all right.

My dad sat me down

and had me watch Red Dawn

so that I would understand

just how bad things would get

if the Communists took over.

I sort of dug that flick.

Then it was narco-traffickers,

Islamo-Fascists.

Bad guys just keep changing their faces

and we keep going to war.

- And then...

- We keep protesting.

- United we stand.

- Cheers.

This is a big moment, Travis.

You've just witnessed

the last anti-war diatribe

- the world's ever gonna hear from me.

- Wow.

You know what I've realized?

Real war's in here.

You just figured that out?

No, I've known it for a while.

- But I'm finally gonna do something about it.

- And what's that?

I'm going to India.

I figure I'll do some yoga,

some time in an ashram,

have sex with my guru.

We'll both agree afterwards that

it was a mistake, of course.

Of course.

Maybe you should go. We could meet up.

Well, a trip like that

would be a pretty penny,

- which I don't got.

- Could knock over a liquor store.

I think I could come up with something

slightly more legit.

Such as?

You don't wanna know.

I think I can handle it.

I mean, I think I'm intellectually

limber enough.

Can I see you again?

- Michael Barris.

- Travis, hey.

- Smart man.

- What?

- You wore a suit. That's a smart move.

- Yeah.

- I heard there's not many spots.

- Do I need to sign here or print my name?

- Just a signature will do.

- Thanks, boo. Love the jacket.

We are strangers in a strange land, brother.

First off, what we will be doing here,

for those of you that don't know,

will be a behavioral experiment,

in which we will be simulating

the conditions of life

inside a state penitentiary.

Now, our only requirement is that

none of you have ever served any time.

If you have, we'd like to

thank you for your interest,

but you do not fit our profile.

Now, we will be conducting

a short series of tests in a moment,

but before we do

I would just like to take a beat

and let you know that

although the actual experiment

will be conducted

in an utterly secure environment

and the participants will be safe at all times,

some of the subjects

will be deprived of their civil rights...

- It's a flying man.

...for the entire two weeks.

What's his name?

- Flying Man.

- Now, let's get to the tests, shall we?

- No history of incarceration?

- No.

- Violence?

- No.

- Never?

- No.

- What about religion?

- No.

No? Religion's not usually

a yes or no question, Mr. Hunt.

People tend to find all sorts of gray areas

in which to couch their answers.

Well, nothing gray here.

So, how do you base

your ethical decisions, then?

Here.

I was in Boy Scouts,

and drill team in high school,

various church groups.

- You were devout, then?

- Still am.

And what about

absolute right and wrong in the universe?

Well, I guess,

if I believe in God,

then I would have to, right?

Yeah, you know, I only got three rules,

eat twat, smoke pot, and smile a lot.

It's just a short slide-show

we'd like you to watch.

It's perfectly safe, I assure you.

The sheriff's deputies had escorted

Duceppe back to Baton Rouge.

I am convinced that

when these animals are herded together

their instincts warn them of...

... California hotel, where FBI agents...

- Are you okay to move on, Mr. Hunt?

- Yep. I'm good.

You wouldn't have hit him.

Who?

The guy at the rally.

You wouldn't have hit him.

These knuckles, they're pristine.

- You calling me a p*ssy?

- Yeah.

- It's a compliment.

- Cool.

I'll be gone by the time

you get out, you know.

I know.

Dashashwamedh Ghat, Varanasi.

- Varanasi.

- How soon can you be there?

Twelfth? Thirteenth?

Thirteenth.

Dashashwamedh Ghat on the 13th, 6:00 p.m.

- Hey, you made it.

- Good to see you.

- Yeah.

- I was hoping I'd have someone to talk to.

I can't help but think that

this says something about us.

I think it says we need money.

- Sorry.

- Hey, how's it going?

- It's the beginning.

- Game on.

So let's move on to the topic of women.

What's that word mean to you?

Women? What?

Everything on God's green earth

and possibly beyond what's been

discovered in our universe yet?

I don't know.

Look, it's only a dog.

So, what're you worried about?

Worried? Who's worried?

I'm only worried about you.

Look, I'll stay here and protect the car,

and you go take a look.

Hey, chickenshit, we got a draft!

Didn't you hear me, chickenshit?

We got a draft. Close the window!

I fell asleep. How far did we drive?

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