The Extra Man

( tool clicking )

EXCUSE ME, SIR?

SHE'S NOT COMING.

AND I'VE MADE

EVERYTHING PERFECT.

WHITE TEA FROM CHINA,

SCOTTISH SHORTBREAD,

DEVONSHIRE CLOTTED CREAM,

AND I JUST KNOW:

SHE'S NOT COMING.

- SIR?

- ( car honks )

A CAR, I BELIEVE,

IS APPROACHING.

DAISY.

I'VE WAITED

FOR THIS MOMEN FOR SO LONG.

I'VE NEVER STOPPED

LOVING YOU,

DREAMING OF YOU.

Woman:

I KNOW, LOUIS.

I KNOW.

- ( gasps )

- ( bell rings )

Man on PA:

The Pep rally

has been relocated

to the little gym.

( girl chuckles )

BUT WHY DID:

FITZGERALD:

MAKE NICK CARRAWAY

SO DULL?

WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING

SUCH A BORING NARRATOR?

I THINK IT WAS:

A BAD CHOICE.

WELL, CARRAWAY IS

LIKE A CAMERA.

HE'S FASCINATED

BY GATSBY,

SO HE WANTS TO CREATE

A PORTRAIT OF HIM.

LOOK, IN A WAY,

THE BOOK IS KIND

OF A LOVE LETTER

TO GATSBY.

- LOVE LETTER?

- SURE.

- I GUESS.

- OH, I-- OH!

EXCUSE--

I HAVE SOME BUSINESS

TO ATTEND TO IN:

THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE,

SO WE CAN TALK:

ABOUT THIS AGAIN

NEXT WEEK BEFORE CLASS.

SURE.

FINALLY SOME REAL

TENNIS WEATHER.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

OH!

Narrator:

A GENTLEMAN AND HIS IMPULSES

MUST LIVE IN CONSTAN NEGOTIATION.

LOUIS IVES HAD:

BEEN DETERMINED:

TO CONTINUE HIS DAY

WITH DIGNITY AND PURPOSE.

BUT THAT GOAL:

NOW SEEMED:

FAR BEYOND HIS REACH.

( gasping )

OH!

IT WAS:

IN MISS JEFFRIES' BAG.

I'M SURE YOU'RE AWARE

PRINCETON NORTH PREP

DID NOT MEET ITS

FUNDING GOALS THIS YEAR.

AS A RESULT,

WE'RE FORCED

TO MAKE CUTBACKS.

I UNDERSTAND.

YOU HAVE BEEN AN EXCELLEN TEACHER, HOWEVER.

IN LIGHT OF THIS,

WE HAVE DECIDED:

WE'RE WILLING

TO RECOMMEND YOU

FOR POSITIONS ELSEWHERE.

THANK YOU.

ACTUALLY,

FOR SOME TIME NOW

I'VE CONSIDERED MOVING

TO MANHATTAN.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM

TO MAKE A LIVING AS A WRITER.

PERHAPS NOW WOULD

BE A GOOD TIME:

FOR A BIG CHANGE

LIKE THAT.

YES, LOUIS.

I THINK MANHATTAN

SOUNDS LIKE:

A VERY FITTING PLACE

FOR A YOUNG MAN...

LIKE YOURSELF.

Narrator:

BUT AFTER HIS:

CRUSHING DISMISSAL,

LOUIS IVES HAD NO COURAGE

FOR SUCH BOLD MOVES.

FOR THE BRASSIERE INCIDEN HAD CRIPPLED HIM.

- HE STRUGGLED TO DENY

THESE STRANGE URGES...

- ( horn honks )

...BUT IN MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS

THEY DEMANDED ATTENTION.

AND SO HE SPEN AN ENTIRE SUMMER

IMMERSED:

IN THE SOLITARY ROUTINES

OF A YOUNG GENTLEMAN.

HE WORE THESE RITUALS

LIKE ARMOR:

TO SHIELD HIM:

FROM DESPAIR.

BUT IN LOUIS IVES'

DARKEST MOMENTS,

HE FEARED:

HE WAS UNLOVABLE.

IT WAS THE CHANGING

OF LEAVES:

THAT FINALLY BROUGH A CHANGE IN PERSPECTIVE.

FOR FALL,

WITH ITS BRISK AIR

AND CLARITY OF LIGHT,

REKINDLED THE FEELING

OF POSSIBILITY.

( phone ringing )

Man on phone:

H. Harrison.

- HELLO.

- Yes?

YES, I'M CALLING

ABOUT THE ROOM?

MY NAME IS--

232 East 91st.

- Apartment 2F.

- ( phone clicks )

( buzzes )

- Man:
Are you

the applicant?

- YES!

YES, IT'S ME.

( door buzzes )

HARRISON, HENRY.

HENRY HARRISON.

IVES, LOUIS.

LOUIS IVES.

KITCHEN. BATH.

( clears throat )

THERE'S A MISSING DOOR,

BUT THESE PROVIDE

ADEQUATE PRIVACY.

- WHOOPS.

- AS YOU SEE.

THESE WOULD BE:

YOUR CHAMBERS.

IT'S BARRACKS-STYLE LIVING,

TO BE SURE.

YOU CAN CERTAINLY

HEAR THE PIGEONS.

YES, I LIKE TO HAVE

ACCESS TO NATURE,

DON'T YOU?

IF YOU NEED:

MORE DRAWER SPACE,

I HAVE SOME:

EMPTY FILE CABINETS

IN THE KITCHEN.

OKAY.

SO THERE ARE A FEW THINGS

I'D NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOU,

IF YOU HAVEN' LOST INTEREST.

WOULD YOU PREFER

TO LEAVE OR CONTINUE?

NAME?

LOUIS IVES.

THOSE CHRISTMAS BALLS

ARE VERY INTERESTING.

I LOVE THEM.

I LOVE THEIR COLORS,

THE WAY THEY CATCH

THE LIGHT.

IF YOU EVER WAN TO GIVE ME SOMETHING,

YOU CAN GIVE ME:

CHRISTMAS BALLS.

- OKAY.

- SO TELL ME...

LOUIS IVES,

WHY ARE YOU MOVING

TO NEW YORK?

( clears throat )

I'M SORT OF LOOKING

FOR MYSELF.

YOU WON'T FIND YOURSELF

IN NEW YORK.

IF I HAD TO MOVE ANYWHERE,

I'D MOVE TO RUSSIA.

FAR LESS EXPENSIVE.

WELL, I'VE BEEN TEACHING

NOW FOR SEVERAL YEARS,

SO AS FAR AS THE REN IS CONCERNED,

I'VE SAVED ENOUGH

FROM WORKING:

IN PRINCETON--

PRINCETON?!

HOW IS PRINCETON

THESE DAYS?

IT WAS GREAT ONCE,

BUT THEN THEY LET WOMEN IN.

OH, YOU MEAN

THE UNIVERSITY.

IT'S STILL EXCELLENT.

AND THERE'S NO REASON WOMEN

SHOULDN'T GO TO COLLEGE.

I'M AGAINS THE EDUCATION OF WOMEN.

( laughs )

IT DULLS THEIR SENSES

AND AFFECTS THEIR

PERFORMANCE IN THE BOUDOIR.

THE WOMEN I LIKE BES ARE THE HASIDIC WOMEN.

THEY REALLY GET IT.

WHAT WERE YOU TEACHING?

WE'RE COLLEAGUES THEN.

- I TEACH COMPOSITION

AT QUEENS COLLEGE.

- OH.

PRIMARILY,

I'M A PLAYWRIGHT.

REALLY?

HAVE I SEEN:

ANY OF YOUR WORK?

SADLY MY GREAT OPUS WAS

STOLEN BY A SWISS HUNCHBACK,

BUT THAT'S ALL TOO TRAGIC

TO GO INTO NOW.

YOU KNOW, FITZGERALD WROTE

WITH GREAT LOVE:

ABOUT PRINCETON:

IN "THIS SIDE OF PARADISE."

DO YOU LIKE FITZGERALD?

HE'S ONE OF MY

FAVORITE AUTHORS.

OF COURSE I LIKE

FITZGERALD.

BUT THERE WON'T BE

ANYMORE OF HIS KIND

COMING ALONG SOON.

YOU NEED:

AN ALL-MALE ENVIRONMEN

TO SHAPE UP:

A YOUNG WRITER.

THE MUSLIMS MIGHT PRODUCE

ANOTHER FITZGERALD.

THEY'RE VERY GOOD

AT SEPARATING THE SEXES.

ON THE SUBJECT OF...

( clears throat )

THE SEXES,

JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

WHAT IS YOUR POLICY

REGARDING GUESTS?

AS IN...

OVERNIGHT GUESTS?

- UH...

- NO.

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

NO. NO, THIS PLACE

IS FAR TOO SMALL.

THERE'S TO BE

NO FORNICATION!

NO, I WOULDN' EVEN CONCEIVE

OF HAVING SEX IN HERE.

I'M RETIRED FROM ALL

THAT ANYWAY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE RUDE,

I WAS JUST--

THIS HAS GONE ON

LONG ENOUGH.

WE'RE OBVIOUSLY COMPATIBLE.

YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON

WHO'S COME FOR THE ROOM

SO WHAT WILL IT BE,

YES OR NO?

( grunts softly )

I WOULD PREFER:

TO THINK ABOUT IT.

- ( cell phone ringing )

- Waiter:
BE RIGHT BACK.

- HELLO?

- SO HAVE YOU

THOUGHT ABOUT IT?

OH, HELLO.

YES. ACTUALLY,

I JUST WAS--

AND?

WELL...

( clears throat )

I'M FEELING...

THAT I SHOULD WAIT UNTIL

I'M CERTAIN ABOUT A JOB.

NO NO.

NO NO NO NO.

WE SHOULD DO THIS.

WE SHOULD SETTLE NOW.

You can pay by the week

until you have a job.

PLUS THERE'S MUCH I CAN

TEACH YOU ABOUT NEW YORK.

I CAN ADVANCE YOU

SOCIALLY.

ALL THIS WILL BE

VERY GOOD FOR YOU.

THAT'S CERTAINLY

VERY CONSIDERATE OF YOU

TO THINK THAT WAY.

VERY GOOD, THEN.

I'LL SEE YOU

ON THE FIRST OF THE MONTH.

I'M GLAD THIS WORKED OUT.

Narrator:

THE YOUNG GENTLEMAN

WAS TROUBLED:

THAT THE DECISION

WAS MADE FOR HIM.

YET, IT HAD BEEN

SOME TIME:

SINCE HE FEL THIS WANTED.

AND AS STRANGE:

AS IT ALL SEEMED,

HE WAS:

INEXPLICABLY DRAWN

TO THIS:

MR. HENRY HARRISON.

( pop music playing )

DAYLIGHT TURNS:

TO MOONLIGHT:

AND I'M AT MY BEST

PRAISING THE WAY

IT ALL WORKS:

AND GAZING UPON:

THE REST, YEAH

THE COOL BEFORE THE WARM,

THE CALM AFTER THE STORM

THE COOL BEFORE THE WARM,

THE CALM AFTER THE STORM

I WISH TO STAY:

FOREVER:

LETTING THIS BE:

MY FOOD--

( toilet flushing )

- ( clears throat )

- ( flatulates )

- ( coughs )

- ( groans )

TELL ME:

YOUR NAME AGAIN.

LOUIS.

MY NAME'S LOUIS.

DON'T WORRY,

IT WILL EVENTUALLY SINK IN.

I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU'VE

MOVED IN SO NICELY.

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