The Fabulous Baker Boys Page #6

Monica's eyes pop open.

MONICA:

Oh, sorry. I get so caught up in

it sometimes. It's scary.

FRANK:

Yes, it is.

MONICA:

Well ... thanks.

(to Jack)

Bye.

JACK:

Drive carefully.

As Monica exits, Jack and Frank glance at one another

and thus begins a seemingly endless parade of aspiring

singers who can't sing. As Frank sinks lower in his

chair and Jack's ashtray spills over with wounded

cigarettes, singer after singer, in all shapes, sizes,

and colors, come forth to offer their own unique

interpretations of "Feelings," "I Gotta Be Me,"

"This Is My Song," and perhaps most appropriately,

"What Kind of Fool Am I."

Finally, when it is all over,

Jack and Frank are left alone in the tiny room,

looking dazed, exhausted, and mildly homicidal.

TALL YOUNG WOMAN

As the sequence ends, a TALL YOUNG WOMAN in high heels

walks into Willie's. She glances around,

then spots Willie across the room,

eating a corn beef on rye.

WOMAN:

Hey. You one of the fabulous

Baker Boys?

JACK AND FRANK:

are putting on their coats, preparing to leave.

Frank is staring at his notepad.

FRANK:

Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven.

JACK:

What?

FRANK:

Thirty-seven girls.

And not one who can carry a tune.

That must be statistically impossible.

JACK:

It was a somewhat extraordinary

day.

FRANK:

I just don't understand. You

would think someone ... anyone ...

WOMAN (O.S.)

Damn!

The Woman in high heels stumbles into the doorway,

holding a shoe in her hand. It's broken.

WOMAN:

(continuing)

Brand new Thursday. You believe

it?

After today, Jack and Frank are prepared

to believe anything.

WOMAN:

(continuing)

This where the auditions are?

FRANK:

This is where the auditions were.

WOMAN:

What do you mean?

FRANK:

We're finished.

WOMAN:

What about me?

Frank looks at his watch.

FRANK:

You're an hour and a half late.

WOMAN:

My watch is broken, too.

FRANK:

Punctuality. First rule of show

business.

The Woman looks around her.

WOMAN:

This is show business?

FRANK:

(in no mood)

Look, miss. We're tired,

you have gum on your lip, and we're going home.

WOMAN:

(touching her lip)

Just like that, huh? You're not

even gonna give me a chance?

FRANK:

Don't take it personally.

WOMAN:

How should I take it?

FRANK:

Impersonally.

Frank begins to leave.

WOMAN:

I don't believe it. I come all the way down down

here, break a heel, and you're not gonna give me

a chance because I have gum on my lip and I'm a

few minutes late.

FRANK:

You're an hour and a half late.

WOMAN:

So if I'm so 'late how come you're still here?

FRANK:

We ran long.

WOMAN:

So run a little longer.

FRANK:

Miss --

WOMAN:

You find a girl?

Jack and Frank glance at each other.

JACK:

No.

WOMAN:

So. I'm here, you're here, the

piano's here. What d'ya say?

Before Frank can answer, Jack walks over to the piano.

FRANK:

Terrific. Thirty-eight.

WOMAN:

What's that mean? Thirty-eight.

JACK:

Don't worry about it.

WOMAN:

(to Frank)

You know, I'm feeling a lot of

hostility from you.

FRANK:

(appealing)

Jack.

JACK:

Let's get it over with.

FRANK:

All right. What's your name?

WOMAN:

Susie. Susie Diamond.

FRANK:

Catchy. You have any previous entertainment

experience, Miss Diamond?

SUSIE (WOMAN)

Well ... for the last four years

I've been on call to Triple A

Escort service.

Jack and Frank exchange a glance.

SUSIE:

(continuing)

Hey, it's legit. Strictly dinner

and dance.

FRANK:

Okay. I think that's all we

need to know.

SUSIE:

I sing now?

FRANK:

That's the premise.

Susie gives Frank a dark look, then turns to Jack.

SUSIE:

I Get Along Without You.' Slowly,

okay?

Jack nods and begins to play.

Frank slouches down in his chair,

preparing to be tortured again.

SUSIE:

(continuing; singing)

I get along without you very well

Of course I do

Except when soft rains fall

And drip from leaves, then I recall

The thrill of being

Sheltered in your arms

Of course I do

But I get along without you very well.'

Susie stops. Frank just sits there.

Jack just sits there. She can sing.

SUSIE:

(continuing)

So?

FRANK:

(blinking)

Uh ... we'll let you know.

Jack looks over at Frank like he's insane.

SUSIE:

When?

FRANK:

When we know.

SUSIE:

(smiling)

Don't leave a girl hanging.

Second rule of show business.

Frank's not amused.

SUSIE:

(continuing)

Yeah, well, okay. 'Bye, Bakers.

Susie walks out barefoot.

JACK:

What are you, crazy?

FRANK:

I just thought we should talk

about it. Between ourselves.

JACK:

What's there to talk about? She can sing.

That puts her at the head of the class.

That makes her the only one in the class.

FRANK:

I don't know ... She had gum on her lip,

for Christ sake.

I don't think she's right for the act.

JACK:

(studying him)

You're getting cold feet about

this.

FRANK:

I was just thinking what Ma would

think.

JACK:

Ma? Ma? Was Ma there the last time we played the

Ambassador? Oh, that's right, she was on bass.

How could I forget.

Frank frowns and looks down at his hands.

JACK:

(continuing)

How many other silent partners are there, Frank?

Donna? Little Cindy?

Hell, let's give Eddie a vote.

FRANK:

Okay, okay. I'll call the girl.

Frank gets up wearily, then glances down at the notepad.

JACK:

What's the matter?

FRANK:

I didn't get her number.

EXT. STREET

Jack and Frank dash out of Willie's and glance up

and down the street. Nothing.

FRANK:

We can always look her up in the

book.

JACK.

Right. Susie Diamond. She's probably listed right

next to Monica Moran.

Jack shakes his head in disgust.

WOMAN (O.S.)

Does this mean I get the job?

ANOTHER ANGLE:

Jack and Frank whirl around.

There, standing in the doorway, is Susie.

SUSIE:

Intuition.

CITY SKYLINE:

Gleaming beautifully at the start of a new day.

Once again, "JINGLE BELLS" is heard,

only this time carried a little further:

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..."

JACK, FRANK AND SUSIE

Ensconsed in the back room of Willie's, preparing

for their first rehearsal ...

FRANK:

Ready?

Jack nods.

FRANK:

(continuing)

Ready?

Susie nods. Frank poises his hands over the piano,

hesitates, then looks at Jack again.

FRANK:

(continuing)

Ready?

Jack squints at Frank, then nods.

Frank turns to Susie.

FRANK:

(continuing)

Ready?

SUSIE:

(looking around)

What are we, an orchestra all of

a sudden?

Frank g1ares at her.

SUSIE:

(continuing)

Sorry.

Frank poises his hands over the piano again and

begins to play the opening passage of

"Just the Way You Are." A moment later, Jack joins in,

and a moment after that, Susie. Unfortunately,

Jack and Frank, accustomed to playing alone,

are a tad overwhelming and the result sounds like a

fifth grade recital.

After a few bars, Susie holds up her hand.

SUSIE:

Fellas, fellas ...

Jack and Frank stop.

FRANK:

What's the problem?

SUSIE:

The problem is I can't hear myself

sing with all this...

(searching)

... music. You know what I'm saying?

Jack and Frank look at one another.

SUSIE:

(continuing)

I mean, back there it may be hard to notice,

but up here I'm having a little trouble

getting a word in.

Jack and Frank just stare.

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