The Family Fang

1

[car engine idling]

[car engine revs]

[engine powers down]

Imagine you're dead.

Feel yourself go numb.

Start with your fingers.

Move to your hands...

your wrists...

right on up to your elbows.

Everything is dead.

If we can imagine

our own deaths

but still manage

to come back to life,

then it proves that we can

survive anything.

Now, don't be afraid.

Own the moment.

If you're in control,

then the chaos

will happen around you

and not to you.

Do you understand?

The camera's in the hat?

Yeah, it sure is.

Look.

I hope this works.

Oh, three months of prep,

it's going to be perfect.

Okay, I'll punch in

at 9:
00, same as always.

Give me 20 minutes.

We should have

a good crowd by then.

Can I taste

the fake blood again, Mom?

No, honey, the bag is sealed.

I don't want to stain my shirt.

Take a straight

and stronger course

To the corner of your life

Make the white queen

run so fast

She hasn't got time

To make you a wife

'Cause it's time

It's time in time

with your time

And its news is captured

Well, hello.

How can I help you today?

Have a nice day.

All of them.

And its news is captured

Gun!

I've seen all good people

turn their heads each day

So satisfied I'm...

- I got it!

I got the gun!

- It's over. It's over.

- How could you?

[sobbing]

Mama, no!

[crying]

No, Mommy. Don't die.

Mommy!

And for what?

Lollipops?

Mommy loved lollipops.

I'm telling you,

it tastes just like maple syrup.

- [laughs]

Sorry, guys. I'm so sorry.

What? I'm hungry.

We skipped breakfast.

- [laughing]

- You did good.

You did great.

Well done.

Here you go. Come on.

Baxter.

That was my fault.

I broke first.

I'm so sorry.

I'll see you in the car.

- Go.

- Thank you.

[chuckling]

What in the f*** is going on?

Ladies and gentlemen,

let this be

your trumpet call.

Life is sweet.

So taste it

while you still can.

[dramatic music]

[sighs]

Baxter?

Baxter!

I think I found

something!

[bell ringing]

I mean, it's cruel.

[sighs]

I'm sitting there by myself

because my dad is late, damn it.

What... this is...

[sighs]

Damn it.

It's...

- This is...

- We're getting pretty close.

You should probably

get into your robe.

- My robe?

- We're just about ready

for the next scene,

where you're topless.

Wardrobe should have a robe

set for you in your trailer.

Topless?

No. No.

The script doesn't

mention nudity.

Freeman put it in

this morning.

- Come on. He never mentioned it

to me when we rehearsed it.

In five, everyone.

You look like more

than five minutes out.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to be

a lot more than five.

[sighs]

What's up, sunshine?

You want me

to get naked.

Topless.

A guy answers the door,

and I am standing there

with my tits out?

Gina wants to control

the situation.

- With her breasts?

Come on.

I... I never...

would have guessed

that you were so uptight.

You know, it's like, I mean,

Annie Fang.

You know, wild woman.

Indie darling.

Sorry.

Sorry to disappoint you.

You used to...

you used to do anything,

you know, for your roles.

Those aren't stories

I'm proud of, Freeman.

They're just like stupid,

stupid things

that an actor does

when they're too afraid to act.

I know better now.

That's too bad.

What? That I'm older

and wiser?

No, that...

that you've become,

like, so bourgeois,

you know, with those shitty

rom-coms and the...

Okay, that's it.

That's it, we're done.

You need to leave.

You need to leave.

- I'm just trying to help you.

- I'm not doing it.

I want to show

the world that...

that you are still

a legitimate actress.

- Uh-huh.

Thanks, Freeman.

As brave and fearless

as you've always...

Yeah, I'm not doing it.

I know what I am

asking you to do is difficult.

Mm-hmm.

But great art

is always difficult!

[grunting]

[sighs]

Don't be afraid.

Own the moment.

If you're in control,

then the chaos will happen

around you

and not to you.

Do you understand?

[exotic music]

Did they not send a robe

for the walk?

- I don't need one.

I'm in control.

Let's get this f***ing scene

over with.

Fantastic.

All right, here we go,

everyone.

[camera shutters click]

- Hi, there.

- Hi.

Mmm...

How much is that?

Two dollars.

That's five.

I've got these for this.

And a good thing I only

did about a dollar, okay?

So that's... all that's yours,

and this and this.

Mine, yeah?

[cell phone chiming]

- How you doing, Harold?

- Hey, Baxter. How are things?

Well, the book is not done,

if that's what you're asking.

But I'm working on it

every day.

You know it was two years

overdue last month, right?

I do.

You know they're losing

patience, right?

- I'm sure they are.

Listen, if you're calling

to make me feel bad,

you've done it,

and we can hang up now, okay?

- No. I might have a job.

- Yeah? For me?

- Nothing big. Just a story

for a men's magazine.

Do you know

what a potato gun is?

You hit it with the

hair spray, about 1 1/2 count.

- Hair spray, huh?

- Yeah.

Seal it up.

Screw that on real tight.

Lock her up.

Raise the weapon.

- This is about to get good.

- Aim, fire.

[gun pops]

[whooping and shouting]

Come on.

Don't it smell like

french fries?

A little bit.

You guys come out here

quite a bit, do you?

Oh, ever night, unless there's

something good on TV.

- Right.

- Understandable.

Okay, Lois Lane.

We call this baby

Air Force One.

- All right.

- We're not going to pretend

that it's better than sex,

but this is going

to make you very happy.

- Whoa!

- Look at that!

Come on. Come on,

you're a natural, man.

- Look at you.

- I get it.

That's got a lot of character.

Give me one more of those.

- Give me that, man.

[excited chatter]

One more of those.

[classical music]

Don't be afraid.

Own the moment.

If you're in control,

then the chaos will happen

around you

and not to you.

You understand?

Okay. I'm ready.

[all whoop and cheer]

One more!

One more.

- What? Don't be crazy.

- No. No, no.

No, don't push your luck.

- I'll do it.

- Let's do it. You do it.

[classical music]

[monitors beeping distantly]

- Stay with us, pal.

- What's going on?

We're headed to the hospital,

Baxter,

but I need you to talk to us,

buddy. Can you do that?

Baxter, can you do that, buddy?

- I shot you in the head.

- Huh? Yeah.

What do you want me to say?

- Doesn't matter.

Tell us anything.

Tell us about

what you're writing.

I am, uh...

I got a new book,

but I'm a little

writer's blocked.

Oh, well,

maybe we can help you out.

What's it called?

It's called, uh...

"Children's Pit."

Well, what's it about?

It's about these two kids...

a brother and a sister,

and they run away

from an orphanage.

But they get caught

by a pit master.

- Well, what's that?

- It's just a guy

who has an arena underground

and forces them

to fight for sport.

Do they escape?

- I don't know. I don't know.

I haven't gotten that far.

- Let me just take a little nap.

- No, no, no!

What's going on

with my ear?

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