The Farmer Takes a Wife Page #2

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YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE

FIGHT I HAD IN ALBANY.

I LICKED FIVE MEN.

IT WAS ASTONISHING.

I WAS SURPRISED MYSELF

THAT ONE PERSON COULD DO IT.

GO AND GET THOSE WET CLOTHES

OFF BEFORE YOU CATCH COLD,

AND HURRY 'CAUSE I WANNA GO SHOPPING.

I GOT A SPECIAL FINE

SUPPER PLANNED.

I'LL SEE YOU

LATER.

ALL RIGHT,

CARGO WHEELS:

AND WAGON PARTS:

TO BUFFALO.

MUST BE MAKING UP A HEAP

OF THEM COVERED WAGONS.

THEY EXPECT A LOT OF SETTLERS

TO START WEST THIS SUMMER.

THEM COVERED WAGONS

IS ABOUT THE ONLY WAY

THEY CAN GET THEIR

FAMILIES ACROSS THE PLAINS.

SECOND TIME I'VE HAULED

A BOATFUL OF THEM.

GOT A LOAD FOR MY BOAT, MR. FISHER?

GOT A FINE CARGO OF HOGS TO ALBANY.

WELL, MR. FISHER, I'M

GETTING SICK OF HAULING HOGS.

WHAT ELSE IS:

YOUR BOAT FIT FOR?

WELL, IT NEVER WILL BE

FIT FOR ANYTHING ELSE

IF I KEEP:

HAULING HOGS.

MY COOK SAYS IT'S THE WORS SMELL SHE EVER GOT INTO.

THEN WHY'D YOU EVER

CONTRACT FOR IT?

WELL, YOU TALKED ME

INTO IT.

NOW, LAST YEAR

I REMEMBER SAYING TO YOU,

SAYS I,

"WON'T HOGS SMELL?"

AND YOU SAYS,

"THERE'S HOGS AND HOGS."

WELL, I CARRY THEM

IN HOT WEATHER,

AND WHEN IT COMES

TO SMELLING,

THERE AIN' HOGS AND HOGS.

THERE'S JUST HOGS.

YOU AIN'T GOT ANY IDEA

WHAT IT'S LIKE

RIDING WITH A PITLOAD OF

THEM IN THE END OF JUNE.

GOING DOWN THE HUDSON, THEY CUT US

OUT OF TOW AND PUT US AT THE END.

AND BY JEEPERS, THE WIND CHANGED

AND THEY PUT US UP FRONT AGAIN.

AND I WAS:

A LAUGHING STOCK.

WHY, FOLKS WOULDN'T EVEN

LET ME COME NEAR 'EM!

- YOU GOT A HOG BOAT.

- NO, I AIN'T GOT A HOG BOAT!

I SPENT ALL WINTER CLEANING

IT UP, AND IT SMELLS DECENT.

WHY, YOU DON'T SMELL

ANY HOG ABOUT ME.

NO, I DON'T.

NO, SIR, I'M AS CLEAN A SMELLING MAN

AS THERE IS:

ON THE CANAL NOW.

WHY, EVERYBODY'S

NOTICED IT.

I MIGHT GO:

SMELL YOUR BOAT.

HONEST, MR. FISHER,

IT'D DO YOU GOOD.

IT SMELLS JUST LIKE

NEW MOWN HAY.

I'LL COME OVER

LATER.

WELL, THANK YOU KINDLY,

MR. FISHER.

IS MR. SAMSON WEAVER

HERE?

HE WAS.

- RECKON HE'S BACK AT THE HOTEL NOW.

- THANK YOU.

GOT A LOAD FOR ME,

MR. FISHER?

DO THEY STILL HAVE

PASSENGER BOATS ON THE ERIE?

NOT SO MANY:

AS THEY USED TO.

THE PLAY ACTORS STILL

TRAVEL BY THEM, THOUGH.

SHOW COMING HERE

NEXT MONTH.

"JUNIUS BRUTUS BOOTH."

JEEPERS CREEPERS.

I READ ABOUT HIM.

HAD A GOOD SHOW HERE

LAST MONTH.

"HER FIRST FALSE STEP"

OR "TRAPPED FOR REVENGE."

- DID YOU SEE THAT?

- NO.

GOSH, I HOPE I CAN SEE

JUNIUS BRUTUS BOOTH, THOUGH.

WELL, IVY, THAT'S THE

BEST JOB I EVER DID.

FEELS LIKE I AIN'T GO NO TEETH AT ALL NOW.

YOU'LL BE

ALL RIGHT, IVY.

JUST DON'T EAT ANYTHING

FOR TWO OR THREE DAYS,

AND YOU MIGHT RUB A LITTLE

OF THAT GARGLING OIL ON IT.

MOLLY!

HELLO, FORTUNE!

HOW ARE YOU?

FINE NOW THA THE CANAL'S OPENING.

HEARD YOU WERE GAMBLING

ALL WINTER IN ALBANY.

WON AN OUTFI FROM A DENTIST.

LOOK,

MY FIRST PATIENT.

FORTUNE!

DID HE:

GET IT OUT?

I DON'T FEEL LIKE THIS SIDE

OF MY FACE IS HERE ANYMORE.

WELL, IT'S THERE.

YOU CAN SEE IT.

SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT IN A FEW DAYS.

PROBABLY.

- $1?

- $2.

DOLLAR:

A TOOTH.

OH, BUT ONE TOOTH

WAS A MISTAKE!

IT WAS JUST AS HARD TO TAKE

OUT AS THE OTHER, ELMER.

OH,

I DON'T KNOW.

WE'LL LET MOLLY

DECIDE.

WELL...

IF YOU GET $1 FOR TAKING

OUT THE RIGHT TOOTH,

IT SEEMS TO ME YOU OUGHT TO GIVE A

DOLLAR FOR TAKING OUT THE WRONG ONE.

WELL, NOW, THERE'S A

FAIR ENOUGH TRANSACTION.

THAT MAKES YOU AND ME EVEN-STEVEN.

COME ON,

IVY.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,

ELMER.

NO, SIR. MOLLY'S WORD IS LAW.

NOW, LET'S TALK THIS OVER,

ELMER. NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

DID YOU HAVE TO PUT ON YOUR

SUNDAY CLOTHES TO GO SHOPPING?

I DON'T AIM TO EA ON THE BOAT TONIGHT.

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE

OPENING OF THE SEASON?

SOME OF THE FELLAS WANT ME TO GO

OUT WITH THEM AND FANCY-DANDY AROUND.

THERE AIN'T NOBODY IN THIS TOWN WHO

CAN COOK A BETTER MEAL THAN I CAN.

THERE'S OTHER THINGS IN

LIFE BESIDES VICTUALS.

ARE YOU INSULTING MY COOKING?

NO! YOU'RE A GOOD COOK, MOLLY.

BUT YOU GET EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT.

BESIDES,

I'M JOTHAM KLORE.

YOU'VE GOT TO TREA ME WITH MORE RESPECT.

GIVING ME ORDERS IN

FRONT OF THEM OTHER MEN.

HELLO, MOLLY-

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I'M JUST POPPING-OPEN MAD, THAT'S ALL!

- WHY?

- MY BOATER.

HERE I COOK A SPECIAL

NICE SUPPER TONIGHT,

AND HE SAYS HE AIN' GONNA EAT ON THE BOAT.

- OH, DON'T WORRY ABOU THAT- - SAYS I'M BOSSY!

YOU MIGHT THINK I WAS HIS

WIFE INSTEAD OF HIS COOK.

COME ON. COME ON INSIDE AND SIT DOWN.

EATING IN TOWN THE VERY NIGH BEFORE THE OPENING OF THE SEASON.

WHY, IT LOOKS AS THOUGH WE DIDN' CARE ANYTHING ABOUT THE CANAL.

JOTHAM DON'T FEEL THINGS

THE WAY WE DO, MOLLY.

YOU WERE BORN:

ON THE CANAL.

IT'S IN YOUR BLOOD,

LIKE IT'S IN MINE.

IT'S AWFUL IMPORTAN TO YOU, AIN'T IT,

WHEN THE GRAND CANAL

OPENS?

IT'S THE MOST EXCITING

TIME OF THE WHOLE YEAR.

PA USED TO GIVE ME A HAIR

RIBBON ON OPENING DAY.

WHEN I WAS LITTLE,

I LIKED IT DIED.

YOU'RE GONNA MARRY JOTHAM, AIN'T YOU?

THAT WAS:

MY PLAN.

NOW I DON'T KNOW.

BUT HE'S THE BEST FIGHTER ON THE CANAL.

YES, THAT'S

IN HIS FAVOR,

BUT HE CAN'T TELL GOOD COOKING FROM BAD,

AND I HOLD THA AGAIN' HIM.

YOU KNOW HOW I:

LIKE TO COOK.

OH, YOU STAY HERE

AND COOL OFF, MOLLY.

I GOT A NEW DRIVER BOY

CHASING ME AROUND SOMEWHERE.

IF HE COMES IN,

HOLD HIM.

I'LL BE

RIGHT BACK.

ALL RIGHT,

MR. WEAVER.

YOU'RE A FAIR-MINDED MAN, ELMER,

AND IF YOU DIDN'T PAY ME, YOU'D

ONLY WORRY ABOUT IT LATER ON.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO

HAVE IT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE.

OH,

I'LL PAY YOU.

THANKS. I'LL FRAME THESE BILLS

AS THE FIRST MONEY I EVER

EARNED IN MY NEW CAREER.

- I'LL KEEP THEM FOR LUCK.

- HMPH!

OH, ELMER.

IF YOU EVER WANT TO

MAKE IVY A NICE PRESENT,

I COULD PUT A PAIR OF GOLD

TEETH IN THERE RATHER CHEAP.

BE MIGHTY PRETTY!

FORTUNE, BUYING ANY TICKETS

FOR THE OHIO LOTTERY?

GRAND PRIZE-

$15,000.

$15,000?

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM. IS

MR. SAMSON WEAVER HERE?

- YOU THE DRIVER HE'S EXPECTING?

- YES, MA'AM.

- HE SAID FOR YOU TO WAIT.

- THANK YOU, MA'AM.

YOU'RE NEW ON THE CANAL, AIN'T YOU?

BOONVILLE,

UP BLACK RIVER.

PLEASED:

TO MEET YOU.

PLEASED TOO, MA'AM.

I KNOW.

- HOW?

- I ASKED.

OH.

- YOU'RE THE BEST COOK.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

YES, MA'AM.

HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE

CANAL LONG, MISS LARKINS?

ALL MY LIFE. MY WAGES ARE $12

A MONTH, IF YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW.

GOSH, I AIN' GOT A BOAT.

IF I EVER GET ONE,

I'LL REMEMBER YOU.

THANKS.

I'VE GOT A JOB.

YES, MA'AM.

I KNOW.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW?

- I ASKED.

MAYBE YOU KNOW:

WHO I WORK FOR.

JOTHAM KLORE.

HOW DID YOU:

FIND THAT OUT?

A MAN:

TOLD ME.

YOU'RE THE FELLOW

THAT STOPPED THE FIGHT.

YES, MA'AM.

DON'T YOU

LIKE FIGHTS?

I CAN'T SAY

I RELISH 'EM.

WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO IF

YOU WANNA STAY ON THE CANAL.

I DON'T AIM

TO STAY.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

I'LL LIKE THE CANAL.

YOU KNOW DON'T KNOW THA YOU'LL LIKE THE CANAL?

- NO, MA'AM.

- THE CANAL?

YES, MA'AM.

WELL!

I GUESS THAT'S

GONNA BE AWFUL!

IT'LL JUST ABOUT BREAK

THE POOR OLD CANAL'S HEART.

WELL, WELL!

FINEST THING THE WHOLE

WORLD HAS EVER SEEN,

AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHETHER

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