The FBI Story Page #5

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- How can they understand?

Somebody gets killed, I send in my report.

What does it say?

"Have verified one dead Indian."

- Oh, stop it, Chip.

- No.

I've never been

so discouraged about anything.

This thing, it just...

Lucy, when you speak to Mike...

...you can also tell him

he ruined the pickles.

At 8:
15 that night,

Bill Smith and his Indian wife, Rita...

...sat down to dinner.

They had ham, squash and boiled beans...

...and tapioca pudding for dessert.

Except they never had

a chance to finish it.

Instead, they got five gallons

of nitroglycerin...

...and two professional killers.

- Marshal?

- Yeah.

This wire's about all we can find.

Well, it's just common stuff.

But you better check it out anyway.

All right.

Oh, excuse me, marshal.

This nice couple that just died.

I don't suppose you'd know

the next of kin?

- No, why?

- I represent the Ever-Rest People.

Caskets and funeral hardware.

I'd like to do something real nice

for this couple.

Now, here's a rundown

on our new line.

Walnut, maple, dignified mahogany.

Satin lining in seven different shades.

Blue, yellow, pink,

official Osage colors.

I said I didn't know the next of kin.

Now, move on.

Yes, sir.

All of you, clear out, please.

- All right, you too.

- Oh, he's all right, marshal.

I can vouch for him.

He's a cattle dealer.

He trades down in my bank.

I'm much obliged to you,

Mr. McCutcheon.

I'm sorry to be touchy,

but every time there's a murder here...

...the people either hide

or sell caskets.

You all have a reason to think

it's murder, marshal?

One reason is there used to be

a house here with people living in it.

You wanna know if it's murder?

Take a look at these oil wells.

Bill and Rita Smith held head rights

on eight more just like them.

We're getting a mighty rich

graveyard in this town.

And nobody's doing much about it.

Look at the FBI.

We asked them for help.

We never heard a word from them.

Oh, I'm sorry, marshal,

if I sound bitter...

...but this hits me close to home.

Close to home? Just how is that, sir?

Well, I won't bother you about it.

Oh, say, Mr. McCutcheon, I was thinking

about going down to Fort Worth...

...stocking up on white-faced cows.

I was wondering, could you give me

a letter of introduction or something?

Well, I'd be glad to.

You drop by the bank tomorrow.

I sure would appreciate that.

Thank you, sir.

Anybody see this happen, marshal?

You don't know this town.

Somebody could blow up a house

in front of a grandstand full of people...

...and you know what they'd say?

They all had a cinder in their eye,

they couldn't see it.

All we get is casket salesmen.

Just the same, marshal, that fella

asked a pretty good question.

Who is the next of kin?

Damnable black juice in the ground.

This was a decent little cow town

when I started the bank here...

...before the easy pickings

brought in all this scum.

You mentioned something last night

about hitting close to home?

Albert here is my nephew.

His wife, Mollie, a full-blooded Osage...

...is a sister to Rita Smith,

who died in that explosion last night.

Oh, I see. I'm mighty sorry

for you and the missus.

Thank you, sir.

Things keep up this way,

we've got to form our own vigilantes...

...if the FBI is scared

to move in here and help us.

I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll get

around to it, Mr. McCutcheon.

I'll take that bet.

White-collared bunch of scissorbills.

They'd even get shoved off

the sidewalk. Now, here.

This is your letter to the chairman of the

Cattle Show Committee in Fort Worth.

They all know Dwight McCutcheon

down there.

That letter will get you

the best deals in Texas.

You're real folks, Mr. McCutcheon.

I sure appreciate it.

- Good luck, son.

- Thank you, sir.

Thank you. Maybe I can do

something for you someday.

Goodbye.

Who's gonna be the next lucky man?

Here's a dollar.

Sir, you got a bottle. Who's next?

Yes, look at that mustache.

It'll grow another yard.

Who's the happy guy?

Yes, sir, one dollar. Anybody else?

Look what I got here.

Chief Red Eagle's Old Reliable.

Yes, sir, this bottle

contains real vitalizer.

Don't settle for memories.

Live again.

Come on, buy a bottle

and surprise your friends.

Good for cuts, bruises, abrasions...

...torn ligaments and an aching back.

Hey, you ladies over there,

you're gonna need it.

Folks, come on, step back.

Look, it's all over. Don't leave me

up here a Ionely man. Come on.

Once in a lifetime, a golden opportunity.

Gives back your youth, your health

and a certain twinkle in your eye.

Ladies and gentlemen,

you see the way it is.

Now, those girls should have a policy.

Now, step right up,

ladies and gentlemen, don't be shy.

Now, we don't recommend the annuity

policy to you folks of Wade County.

But this straight life-insurance policy

might come in handy.

Especially for you, Henry Roanhorse.

Thought I could talk that Indian

into buying a policy.

You know, he's a cousin to Rita Smith.

The one that got blown

to kingdom come last night.

- Oh, is that so?

- Say, maybe I could interest you in a policy.

- Lot of killing's going on around here.

- No, I don't think so.

Yeah, well, I guess you're safe.

A fella as thin as you are,

nobody'd know where to find you.

All right, folks, step right up.

That night, Henry Roanhorse

took a ride out into the country.

Somebody killed him and left him

with a coyote to blow taps.

If anybody asks you, just say

I'm at the Fort Worth stock show.

How long will you be gone?

Long enough to go over

to the courthouse...

...and check on a couple of wills.

Bill and Rita Smith's?

That's right.

Oh, Chip, look at these socks.

They don't even match.

How do you expect them to match?

Mike keeps grabbing them

for marble sacks.

It wasn't for marble sacks,

it was to keep a toad.

Oh, no. Another frayed collar.

Honestly, I don't know

how that happens.

Well, honey,

I guess I do that with my neck.

Well, the tail isn't frayed.

- At least you're not lazy.

- Oh, well, thank you, dear.

- I love you.

- I love you too.

Suppose the wills

are all registered and legal?

- Then what's going to happen?

- I don't know.

We'll just have to post

a notice with those Indians...

...and tell them to get together

and stop being Indians.

- All right, honey, stay off your feet.

- Okay.

I'll be back in a couple of days.

- Okay, bye.

- Goodbye.

Be careful.

Bill and Rita Smith had filed a will.

So had Henry Roanhorse.

The beneficiary was Mollie...

...the wife

of Dwight McCutcheon's nephew.

Everything looked legal.

But just to be on the safe side...

...I sent the material

to the FBI laboratory in Washington.

I sent one other thing:

The letter of introduction

Dwight McCutcheon had given me.

At the laboratory,

document experts studied...

...Dwight McCutcheon's

letter of introduction.

They compared it

with the Photostat mortgages.

Within an hour,

they'd reached a conclusion:

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