The FBI Story Page #9

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Oh, what's this?

Oh, that's a letter I wrote.

I forgot to mail it.

- What's it say?

- Don't open it.

- It's against the law to open the mail.

- It's addressed to me.

"My dearest Lucy...

...I don't know if I can stand another week

or another day of this.

I go from room to room,

and the funny thing, Lucy...

...is they're not empty rooms.

If someone's never been in a room,

it's empty.

But if someone's lived there,

it seems crowded with that person.

Lucy, I need you.

I'll die without you.

All my love, Chip."

Lucy.

Lucy.

Oh, Lucy.

You shouldn't believe

everything in that letter.

I didn't know what I was saying.

A lot of it's a misprint.

It's wonderful to be home.

- Mom, Dad, what kind of truck is that?

- Daddy, there's a big truck outside.

What's this?

Well, I'm afraid

you're not gonna be home very long.

I haven't had a chance to tell you,

but we've been transferred to Washington.

Oh, no, don't tell me.

Maybe you better stand up, honey.

You know, these big trucks,

I think they put the sofa in first.

I spent the next few years...

...operating out of the new headquarters

in Washington.

Lucy said it looked like

a very nice place.

But some of the offices

didn't seem too cozy.

In this little room, 16 million pieces

of correspondence...

...were processed every six months.

The crime laboratory

was the largest in the world...

...equipped to handle any kind of a case.

In the paint section, for instance...

...a hit-and-run case in South Carolina

was solved.

A sample of chipped paint

was found on the victim's clothing.

It was burned in the spectrograph.

The manufacturer was identified.

In the automotive-paint section...

...it was matched up for

make and model of the car.

The owner was easily traced.

In one section alone, they had hundreds

of samples of human hair...

...and samples of hair from every

known animal, even a wombat.

Lucy said the FBI would be

a very valuable organization...

...if we ever had a suspect

who happened to be a wombat.

We did have one who was a reindeer.

A trapper from Alaska

was indicted for murder.

The strongest evidence against him

was blood on his clothing.

Our chemist broke down a sample

and found it was from a reindeer...

...and the man was freed.

I worked on a number

of assignments.

I was in the fugitive section

for a couple of years.

And during that time, the last

of the mid-'30 hoodlums...

...were accounted for.

One of them was a shy country girl

named Ma Barker.

There was only one person

who was sorry about Ma Barker:

Alvin Karpis.

He was a murderer,

kidnapper and bank robber.

He announced that he was going

to kill J. Edgar Hoover.

But it must've slipped his mind...

...because Mr. Hoover bought

a plane ticket to New Orleans...

...and walked up and arrested him.

Karpis, FBI.

One of the last of the hoodlums

was trapped in a Memphis rooming house.

His name was "Machine Gun" Kelly.

He wasn't too brave that night.

But he did put a new word

into the English language.

Don't shoot, G-men.

Don't shoot, G-men!

In the meantime, they were getting ready

for war in Europe.

A few compromises later,

they were waging it.

Here in America, there were groups

like Teutonia in Chicago...

...and the German-American Bund

in New York.

They supported the aims

of Nazi Germany.

Some of the members

were enemy aliens.

Others were misguided Americans.

The FBI was detailed

to keep a running file.

We were to be able to pinpoint

dangerous men and women...

...in case America became involved.

Come on, Chip.

We can't pose all day.

Hold on. Wait a minute.

I wanna get one thing straight here.

I get all dressed up and all of a sudden

there's no shaving lotion.

- The camera's all set for 10 feet.

- Daddy, try to get our heads in this time.

Wait, I wanna find out

about the shaving lotion.

Sorry, Chip, I don't use it.

No, never mind. I'm talking to Mike.

How about the shaving lotion?

I borrowed a couple of drops.

You borrowed a couple of drops?

- How long have you been shaving?

- About two or three years.

- About two or three years.

- Oh, calm down. He'll buy his own.

If he's been shaving

for two years...

...don't you think we ought

to say it's permanent?

You know, that beard of his

isn't a flash in the pan or anything.

Please hurry, Daddy.

I'm gonna be late for my speech.

Please, get some shaving lotion,

will you, son?

Holy smokes, you...

Gee whiz.

You're all too spread out here.

I'll have to get...

Jennie, sit down by your mother.

Anne, move closer to your mother.

Mike, sit down. I'll cut your head off.

You have to get closer here

so I can get it in.

Where is everybody? Oh, all right.

Dad, you've got your finger

in front of the lens.

You just be sure and get

the shaving lotion, huh? All right.

Stop rehearsing your speech, Jennie.

All right. Everybody ready?

All right, all of you, freeze!

- Did it go off?

- All right, now, everybody in the car.

We only have 10 minutes.

- Did anybody lock the back door?

- Yes, I locked the back door.

Jennie, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

It's a gardenia.

And you see, what we do

is we put it together...

...with another flower like you,

and then we have a bouquet.

Thank you, Daddy.

Golly, I hope I don't forget

my speech.

- That was a very nice thing to do, dear.

- It isn't a case of being nice.

I just want the people to know

that her father's a man of the world.

So at this midterm installation of officers

in the Honor Society...

...it is fitting that we review the qualities

which we hope to possess.

Those qualities are perseverance,

honesty, scholarship...

...and reverence

for our sacred institutions.

I think her speech is the best one.

These qualities,

applied to our future lives...

- It is, though.

...result in citizenship.

And we, the young people

of Alexandria High...

...promise not to disappoint you.

So the qualities

which we have to have...

...are perseverance, honesty

and reverence...

Oh, Lord, let her remember.

I...

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.

Oh, the poor thing. Chip, go to her.

- Oh, yeah.

- Talk to her.

Let's have a little music,

what do you say.

There.

- Now, Jennie, you...

- Oh, Daddy, how can you talk to me?

How can you bear to talk to me?

I disgraced you.

- I disgraced all of you.

- No, you haven't.

You just didn't finish a speech, that's all.

There are too many speeches

in the world anyway.

Daddy, I tried so hard.

I wanted to do it so well,

and then everything went blooey.

- Oh, now, Jennie...

- Please, Daddy.

- Let me tell you something.

- Don't give me an example.

A what? An example?

What...?

Like you always do.

How one time Columbus forgot his speech

and then discovered America.

It won't do any good.

Oh, I can't face anybody.

- I can't face anybody the rest of my life.

- Oh, no, now, here, now.

Now, wait a minute.

You just listen to me.

You just listen to me. Why do you think

you were up there on that stage?

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