The Fighting Temptations Page #2

So, you came by train.

I was tryin' to meet the bus.

I'm goin' to the Canaan Inn.

That's straight down this road,

about five minutes.

Yours won't open, mine won't stay shut.

But it opens.

Yes, it opens.

The next hour is brought to you

by Mitchell's Funeral Home,

where the caskets are so nice,

you'll wish you were dead.

Now the news. Like to give a shout out

to Darrin Hill, in town for Sally's funeral.

- Welcome home.

- That's news?

- Next, traffic.

- There is no traffic.

- There is no traffic.

- I could do this job.

- I wonder what the temperature is.

- The temperature is 85.

Boy, you got soft. This ain't nothin'

compared to July and August.

That's when you can fry an egg

on the sidewalk.

After this, I'm going back

to New York City,

with no eggs

frying on the sidewalk.

- Because it's cold?

- No, because it's civilisation.

There's too much urine on the sidewalk.

See? You don't know

what you're missin'.

The hotter it get, the less

the honeys start wearin'.

They gotta let that booty b...

Gotta let that booty breathe.

I know you got your Naomo Cambos

and your Holy Berrys,

all the models up there,

but for booty,

you got to come down south.

We booty experts, bootyologists.

- Booty is in the eye of the beholder.

- Booty gonna be in my hand.

Now your Louisiana booty, it gets its

buoyancy from its heavy seafood diet.

Your Alabama booty

is characterised by its density.

A quarter bouncing... ping!

As for your Mississippi booty,

consensus say the Indian genetic

contribution gives it its beautiful tone.

As for your Georgia booty,

the Georgia sun bakes and seals

all the booty juices into a slow roast!

- I see I'm dealing with a connoisseur.

- For sure, a booty connoisseur.

- Who's that?

- Lilly, please hurry up.

That's Lilly. Forget all that booty stuff.

She's in a spectrum of fineness

the energy is so potent in,

she got a suit against her

for reckless endangerment.

Sounds like a special kind of woman.

Holler at me later,

I'll hook you up with her.

This is where you're stayin'.

Thought they were puttin' me up

in a hotel.

It's a boardin' house. This the only place

that has room. Hey, Jimmy B!

- Hey, what's up, Smooth L?

- His grandmother own the place.

Darrin? Come on,

everybody's already at the funeral.

Get in.

Momma catch me

Put a whoopin' to my backside

- And even as a crack fiend...

- Man, that's inappropriate music.

This man's auntie's

about to be maggot food.

The funeral is beginnin' of Sally Walker.

Let us have a moment of silence

to pay our respect.

Sorry about that.

I guess I was celebratin' her life

a little late into the night.

Simon. Sarah. How you all doin' today?

- Aunt Sally's nephew, Darrin.

- Nice to meet you.

- Sorry about your aunt.

- We all loved Miss Sally.

She was little Nicholas's godmother.

Hey, little man.

You know I'm your daddy, right?

Don't hate the player. Hate the game.

I'm in the freakin' Twilight Zone.

Wake up!

Wake up!

Oh, Sally!

Why did it have to be her?

Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord!

Faye, couldn't you find someplace else

to be slain in the Spirit?

- Grandma, get up!

- She's your grandma?

Sally! Sally!

The nerve, showin' their faces

in the house of God.

Glad my departed husband

isn't here to witness this.

You can't keep people from a funeral.

They loved Sally.

They're a bunch of heathens.

I don't even know why she cared.

Move down.

Brothers and sisters,

we are gathered here today

to pay tribute to a great woman...

Sally Walker.

We will now be blessed

with a selection from the choir

and their lead singer,

Reverend Shirley Caesar.

I got a signal. It's a miracle!

- If that ain't Jesus callin', shut it off.

- Sorry. Go on.

My cellphone's been out of range.

Has Mr Fairchild changed his mind?

- What?

- They're repossessing your stuff.

Not my TV!

Nothing can replace Aunt Sally!

Not my TV, my Bose system...

Let it out, son, let it out.

Yeah.

Keep stalling the creditors.

I'll call you back.

- The church, it's in mourning

- Mourning

Glory to God

The church, it's in mourning

- Mournin'

- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah

- The church, it's in mourning

- Mourning

Good God Almighty, another soldier

A true-born soldier

Has gone home, gone home

Why, we're here today

For the home-going and the celebration

Of a wonderful woman

Aunt Sally

Everybody loved Aunt Sally

She took the young people

And kept them under her wings

And she cared for the elderly

I just wanna say listen

We might not have this chance

Swift move on, Aunt Sally

Swift move on, Aunt Sally

And take your rest

We loved you, Aunt Sally

But God loved you best

- Oh, yeah

- If you see my mother there

Tell my momma I'm on my way

I'm on my way

- Our hearts are in mourning

- Mourning

Glory to God

It's left our hearts in mourning

Mournin'

Good God Almighty, good God Almighty

- It's left our hearts in mourning

- Mournin'

Another soldier, a true-born soldier

A holy, good soldier

A heaven-bound soldier

- Yeah

- Yeah

Gone, gone, gone

Gone on home

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

- Hallelujah.

- Amen.

- Yeah

- Yeah

- Let the church say amen.

- Amen.

- Let the church say amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

- Yes, yes, yes. Well, well, well.

At this time, we would like to give

Sally's family and loved ones

an opportunity to say

how much she meant to 'em.

It's only fitting to start with the person

that came the farthest way to be here.

- That's her great-nephew, Darrin.

- All right. Yeah.

- Oh, yeah, brother Darrin.

- Yes, my brother.

- Oh, yeah.

- All right, son.

Come on. Oh, yeah, amen.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Many of you don't remember me.

- The one that had the phone.

Yeah. But before that,

I was Aunt Sally's favourite nephew.

I thought we'd see forever,

but forever's gone away.

And it's so hard to say goodbye...

...to yesterday.

- Boyz II Men.

- I got one amen, can I get another?

- Amen.

My mom passed away a few years ago,

in a hit-and-run accident

when I was still a teenager.

It's the talks I had with her

I cherish more than anything.

I remember her telling me...

...that it was Aunt Sally who took us in

when I was a baby,

after my father died in Vietnam.

- I'll always love her for that.

- Your mama dead, too?

He just said it.

Young man, so glad that you came

for your aunt's funeral.

She was always telling us how well

you were doin' up in New York,

with your important job.

- What was it?

- What was what?

Your job. She never mentioned

what it was.

I haven't seen you since you were

knee-high to a grasshopper.

Reverend, have you seen

this very pretty lady?

- Her name is Lilly?

- She ain't no lady.

Mother Cooley, sinners are welcome

in the house of the Lord.

- She's a sinner? What kind of sinner?

- Unrepentant.

- Really?

- I just come to offer my condolences

and let you know that to be absent from

the body is to be present with the Lord.

- She's in a far better place, OK?

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