The Final Girls
Welcome
to Camp Blue Finch,
where romance in the sun
can turn deadly!
Best summer ever!
This is the summer
that's going to
change your life.
Where
the days are warm...
Hey, Nance,
that guitar is choice.
Thanks, Blake.
Bitching hair.
...the girls are cool...
Did I miss
the Kumbaya circle?
And evil lurks
around every corner.
Gosh, you startled me.
So, I just go down
that path all the way?
A guy like you can go
anywhere he wants.
- And any moment,
- Billy can strike.
They won't be singing Kumbaya.
They'll be
screaming Kum Ba No!
Pack your bags
for Camp Bloodbath...
You just messed
with the wrong virgin.
...where the
only marshmallow
that will roast
is your sanity.
Well, they'll
let me know.
You know you're too good
for this crap, right?
The casting director
was all like, "I know
you from somewhere."
And I went, "Really?
Oh, it's probably
"my arc on CSI as
a bipolar mistress."
And he's like,
"No, I got it.
Camp Bloodbath."
Am I ever going to
live that movie down?
I mean, it was
20 years ago.
Honestly, if you
ever become an actor,
don't ever do
a slasher flick.
You wouldn't catch
me dead in a movie.
You're the actress here.
Damn straight.
And I'm no actress.
I'm a movie star.
Mel's?
Mel's.
Let's rock and roll.
So, we owe
the electric company
$174.88 by next Monday...
You remember Frank?
He told me he was
going to take me
to Palm Springs
this weekend.
No message.
No text.
No surprise.
You know, it's just
he said we were exclusive.
Well, he said it,
he doesn't act like it.
Whatever.
What do I know?
You must think
I'm a total zero.
Screw him, Mom.
And screw his shady
hotel in Palm Springs.
Oh, my God.
Look at you
taking care of me.
What happened to
that little girl
I used to dance with
in the backyard?
She grew up and is
trying to figure out
where this $174
is gonna come from.
What are you doing?
Are you crazy?
Our song!
Mom. We need to
figure this out.
You're such a dork.
Everything in my
life, I got wrong.
But you,
I got you right.
I love you.
You know that, right?
What?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Max, those are
really expensive...
Gertie's here.
Coming, Aunt Pearl.
So, when Chris
asked you to study,
was he like,
"I want you
to come study"?
Or was he like,
"I want you to come.
"Study."
Please. I'm only going,
so I don't flunk Classics.
Come on, you know
that he broke up with
Vicki last week, right?
And she is a mess.
Have you seen the veiled
suicide note/poem
she posted on
her Facebook page?
It's so hilarious.
I read it out
loud to myself.
A lot.
Hmm.
Hey, just keep on
keeping on.
What does that even mean?
Something my therapist
tells me all the time.
You have a therapist?
Mmm-hmm.
Does that
help you deal?
Mmm. No, not really.
She's a physical
therapist, so...
Okay. So, the
myth of Persephone.
Max, you want
to take this one?
Sure.
She's the
daughter of Zeus
and she eats
pomegranate seeds,
and then
Hades kidnaps her
to the underworld.
Yeah. Okay, good.
So, they go back
to the underworld
and Persephone
is freaking out,
and Hermes is like,
"It's okay, it's okay.
"Just keep looking forward,
"or we'll be
stuck here forever."
Max, do you want to jot
any of this down or...
Oh, no, it's okay, Max.
I've already got a copy.
You can copy from me later
or I can give it to you
if you... If you want.
I'm gonna stop talking.
Oh, sh*t.
Max, hey, wait.
Did you not get
my messages?
Duncan. No.
Please, come on. Please.
Seriously, no.
The Bath-maticians
were so excited
when I told them
that Amanda Cartwright's
daughter was my sister's
best friend.
Step-sister.
Why would you say that?
That's so hurtful.
Please, Max,
I promised that
you'd be there.
I am the assistant
general manager
of the varsity.
Think of my reputation.
Wait. What are
"Bath-maticians"?
Uh, Camp Bloodbath fans.
It's kind of our
awesome nickname.
Did you know that a nickname
immediately becomes uncool
when you give it
to yourself?
You know what, Gertie?
When my dad told me that I was
going to get a sister, I cried
because that's all
I'd ever wanted.
But not like this.
Not like this.
Don't.
Look, Camp Bloodbath
is like the granddaddy
of all campsite
slasher films, okay.
Amazing production design,
insane music,
over-the-top acting.
It's a cult classic.
Max's mom plays Nancy,
this sort of
shy girl-next-door
who gives up her butterfly
to some dumb jock,
and Billy Murphy
comes along
and chops her ass up
on a waterbed.
Sorry, Duncan.
Tell your cult, maybe
I'll see them next year.
I'll do all your
Classics assignments
for the rest of the year.
Papers, your homework,
all of it.
Gertie told me that
you were failing.
Please, Max, what do you say?
You wanna graduate, or not?
Max!
Gertie!
Oh, you scared me.
Well, this will
be fun, huh?
Being trapped in
a movie theater
with a bunch of nerds.
Yeah, sure.
You know what
was fun, though?
Watching Chris today,
ogle over you.
Shut up.
What? That's a word,
right? Ogle?
He likes you so much,
it's so cute.
Gertie. Get real.
He's like a giant, okay?
So, imagine us together.
I'd need stilts
to kiss him.
Hey!
Hey!
Hi.
What are you
doing here?
I figured you needed
some, uh, moral support.
Why, should I go?
Because I can if
this is weird...
No, don't be
crazy, Christopher.
We're so happy
you're here.
I'm going to
go popcorn up,
see you inside.
Wow. Your mom
was gorgeous.
I'm sorry. That's a weird
thing to say, isn't it?
Kind of.
It's kind of cool
we get to honor her
memory this way, right?
Um...
Today's the anniversary
of her death.
I, uh...
I don't know what to say.
Me neither.
At least,
I get to see her,
even if she is being chased
by a psycho with a machete.
Stop, stop, stop.
Oh, great.
Hey! What a coincidence!
This is Tyson.
We've been hanging out
and he's so funny.
My abs are like shredded
from laughing so hard.
Anyway, Tyson wanted
to come here tonight
and I was like,
"Oh, my God, no."
But here we are.
So, you win, Tyson.
So, you didn't see
my post about it,
or anything?
No, I don't go on
your stupid Twitter,
which, by the way, has lost
three more followers today.
Anyway, see you
guys inside, okay?
Go.
I'm so wiped from
all these applications.
Even my safety schools,
Stanford and Cornell,
I'm not gonna just
half-ass them, you know.
It's just not my style.
I am lucky that
I even made it out
tonight at all.
Thank you, Adderall.
Where'd Terry go?
Terry? Tyson?
Tyson.
Oh, yeah, he just
got like super-sick
super-fast.
Mmm.
Oh, no, not the
super-sick super-fast.
Max, are they doing this
because it's, you know,
the anniversary?
Yeah, I'm here
for an appearance.
I didn't think you'd...
Come on, Max.
Of course, I would remember.
I have really good memory.
It's not just the Adderall.
Hey, do you want anything?
I'm gonna go get
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"The Final Girls" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_final_girls_20214>.
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