The Final Member Page #2

that he can not die in peace

unless he has completed two things.

One was to translate a book

by the Spanish monk, Las Casas.

Hes done that.

The other is to get...

a human penis.

Thats why I will do whatever I can

to help my cousin

complete the museum.

The human might be the end

of a collection of 34 years.

If I don't get it in the next few

years, I don't know what happens.

ICELAND TODAY:

Good evening, everyone.

It takes guts to donate your private parts

to a public museum.

But thats what Pall Arason,

the famous adventurer, has done.

I have no use for my penis

once Im dead.

- Didnt you have to think this over?

- No.

I never contemplate.

I think quickly.

And I always follow through.

The first time we met Pall

he started bragging and boasting

about his way with women

and his outstanding

sexual performance.

Pall was getting up there in age

and I asked him

if he had any use for his penis

once he was dead.

He replied "No. "

Pall Arason is an authority.

He's a famous guy in Iceland.

So that would be an extremely

valuable acquisition to get him.

And here is the bottle.

Mr Arason's future resting place.

If he fits there.

So Mr Arason, his letter of donation

was the first in 1996.

Then in 2001

came Tom Mitchell, the American.

Hi, I'm Tom Mitchell,

I'm an American.

And I have decided

to donate my penis

to the only penis museum

in the world,

the Iceland Phallological Museum.

I felt ever since I was a kid

that when the time came

I didn't want my penis

to go to waste when I die

and when I came across

the Iceland Phallological Museum

it seemed like the ideal solution

to a lifelong dream.

I initially did

a letter of donation to Siggi.

He had claimed that there was

an old Icelandic gentleman

who had made a commitment

to donate his penis

upon his death.

I asked if he

would be interested

in a donation

from outside of Iceland.

He responded enthusiastically

at the time.

He calls his penis Elmo

and he is extremely well endowed.

This is the American, Tom Mitchell.

And with him comes a mould, or cast.

That's a very, very good specimen

of almost seven inches,

and a great girth.

My first wife

came up with the name Elmo

and I'm not really sure

where that came from

but that was a long time before any

Muppets characters were out there.

I don't know really

anything about this guy,

except he has

this great specimen, Elmo.

I started realising that to ask

somebody who was a close friend

to make sure that my sex organs

are cut off my cold, dead corpse

is really just kind of a gross thing

to ask anybody to do,

especially anybody you care about.

And if you want anything done right,

you probably

need to see to it yourself.

So more recently I decided

that actually it would be

a good idea to do it before I die.

I can see where

most any rational guy would say

boy, that's an extreme thing to do.

I mean, nobody would really want

to do that during their life.

I've always had a dream

of not only Elmo being placed

on display in a public place

but as a result,

possibly some fame and fortune.

Not for myself, but for Elmo.

I've always thought

it would be really cool

for my penis to be the world's first

true penis celebrity.

If a gentleman wants to donate

there are two things

that must be done.

Firstly, there must be

a legally done document

testified by three witnesses.

The second thing is

he must prove it in some way

that he meets the standards of

minimum legal length of five inches.

That's based on this folk tale

about a lady who went to the sheriff

and asked for a divorce because

her husband only had three inches.

Let's get a look

at the story itself here.

I'll just read it for you.

It goes something like this.

It's called "A Legal Length. "

There was an old lady

who came to her local sheriff

demanding a divorce

from her husband.

The sheriff inquired

as to the reason for this.

"It's the damnedest thing

I've ever seen" said the old lady.

The sheriff asked

whether the object in question

was such a freak of nature

that it was unusable or what.

"Don't even try mentioning

that thing" said the old woman.

"It's no more

than three thumbs worth. "

And the old woman said

that she would be satisfied with

nothing less than a legal length.

The sheriff said that he wasn't

aware of any article in the law

stating anything

about a legal length.

"Isn't three thumbs worth enough?"

"Absolutely not" said the old woman.

"One in the hair, one in the skin,

"and a third, and a fourth,

and a fifth one in.

"Now that's what I call action.

"That's legal length for you,

my good man. "

What I think is interesting

about this story is...

like certain other folk tales

that we have

in the Icelandic tradition

from this time,

recorded by priests and other

learned people and sent on by them,

is that there's clearly a lot more

understanding of the woman,

of the woman's part

in sexual activities,

that she deserves to get something

out of it as well as the man.

We get the same sort of story

comes up with, in...

in terms of tales with...

about elves.

On this tale, old folk tale, is

based my insistence or requirement

of having a mould of five inches.

There was an English TV station.

They tried to take a mould of

Mr Arason with Plaster of Paris.

But this guy didn't know

how to do it properly.

Try to stretch it.

Yes, pull it up.

Well, I mean take the penis

and make it longer.

Its very easy to get it off.

Dont worry.

In a few minutes it will be hard as a rock

and then Ill be back.

Hello?

Well, this should be ready now.

Dont break it.

Im more worried about

pulling your penis off.

You can help

if you feel a place where its stuck.

Just the pubic hair!

Wait a second...

But its loose here.

Enough!

He was furious.

The mould was ruined.

I'm afraid I can't verify him

being of a legal length

at that time or now.

Hi Siggi, this is Tom.

Finally we are talking together.

What's happening

with the fellow from Iceland?

Has he said anything recently?

He's still alive, 93 years old.

Don't worry about him.

It's very important to me

that Elmo be the first

human specimen in your museum.

Yeah.

It's extremely important,

the reason is...

I have dreams and wishes that...

He wants to get the fame.

That's his main point.

Being the first is the only answer

to get this attention.

So I understand him in the way...

in that way.

But there is one difference here.

He is talking about

having his specimen,

his organ removed before he dies.

Now that's a big story

just by itself, you know?

To have it removed before he dies.

And then he could come later on

and see himself on the wall.

Of course I would prefer it to be

from the Icelander, Mr Arason.

But we don't know how many years

Mr Arason is going to live.

Look how it opens.

Look here. It's beautiful.

You see I will clean this up

and put it on the wall there.

And you see here...

One thing,

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