The Firm Page #2

though, won't it?

Slow down. l'm just

cuttin' a rug with me wife.

What, that?

No, you don't wanna

make one with me, mate.

l'll f***ing leave you behind.

Go on.

Come on, let's get the others.

l'm gonna do that f***ing face...

- All right, mate?

- Oi, watch it, you prick.

Come on, then. How d'you wanna be?

Not so f***ing mouthy, now, are ya?

- My nose!

- Who's next? You?

You?

See you? l'll hit you so f***ing hard,

next time you wake up,

you'll have a chalk mark round ya.

F*** off!

So you don't hump like this.

You push down to go flat. Like that.

- There. Does that feel better?

- The state of her.

- She's completely garrity.

- That's rich comin' from you.

- You're startin' to look like a space hopper.

- ..to the right foot...

- And the left!

- Oh! Looks like that money was well spent.

Good night, was it?

Oi! l said, good night, was it?

- Leave me alone.

- He can't hear you, Bob.

- Hit him a bit harder.

- Oh, leave off!

- Did you get any muff, son?

- Any what?

Muff, you know, fanny.

Leave me alone, Dad,

l'm not a kid, you know.

- Now get that down you. That'll sort you.

- Get away from me.

'Ere. Have a word!

Go on, laugh. Really funny, eh?

Something tells me

your night didn't end so well.

But then again, who nose?

- lt's not funny.

- Oh, take no notice, Tel.

He never nose when to stop.

All right, boys, l've got to go to work.

Tel, sit down, have a cup of tea.

Who nose? lt might make you

feel a bit better.

F*** off, Bob.

- We've made a terrible ricket.

- What?

That feller in the club was Bex.

What Bex? Weetabix?

l'm serious. The Bex.

The geezer that runs the firm.

Drop me out. What, that Bex?

How do you know?

Little Simon says he's after us.

Us? l didn't do anything.

We've been named. Both of us.

Little Simon's brother works with him.

He's got an estate agent's

down at the precinct.

Reckons we've got to go to the Lord Nelson

round the big flats and say sorry.

Otherwise, it's on us.

And who stuck my name up?

l dunno. All l know is

l don't want that lot after me.

They're naughty c*nts.

Got no spit.

What's so funny?

Gotta admit it was a naughty head-butt.

He nearly knocked you spark out.

l mean, how f***ing cool was he?

We were almost ten-handed,

and he offered us all out.

What a pot house, eh?

All right, let's do it.

Listen, Bex.

We just want to say we're really sorry

for what happened in Lips.

We were both laggin',

and had no idea who you are.

l mean, if l'd have known,

l'd have properly swerved you.

Look at this bottle.

l might be facety, but l ain't a diddycoy.

l'd have left you right out.

What...what l'm trying to say is...

l'm really f***ing sorry for nausing

a night out with you and your wife.

- What's a diddycoy?

- lt's pikey tongue for div.

- What, you a pikey?

- No!

- What's your name?

- Dominic.

Who's the dry lunch?

That's Terry. He's the one you head-butted.

Oi, lunch.

Show us your face.

Go on. You can go now.

ls it still on us?

- No. Go on.

- Thanks, Bex.

Dominic.

Ain't half got some bottle,

walking in here like that.

- That the ginger c*nt you're talking about?

- That's him, yeah. Little c*nt in the back.

''You ain't half got

some bottle, coming in here like that.''

''Who's the dry lunch?

Oi, lunch, show me your face.''

C*nt. Who's he think he is,

standing there like Bjrn Borg,

in all that silly tennis get-up?

Ain't no one had the bottle

to tell him he looks...

All right, Bex?

F***ing 'ell, that was close.

You all right, baby?

Been anywhere nice?

Just out. Who's playing?

Steve Davis. lt's the semis.

Come and watch it with us.

Nah. He's a right dry lunch, that Davis.

- He's a what?

- Dry lunch, you know, a nothing boat.

l never heard you say that before.

Just something we say

when we're out and about.

Night, Mum. Night, Dad.

- Night, baby.

- Night, son.

- Where you goin', Dom?

- Don't matter.

- Can l help you?

- ls Bex in, please?

Take a seat.

Clive, there's a young gentleman

here to see you.

He'll be right out.

Hunter, Ashton and Clarke.

What are you doin' here?

- Just wanted to ask you something.

- Go and wait outside.

OK, l'll let him know.

Just, anyone calls for me,

l'm with a punter on a viewing.

Stephen rang. He says

he can't make five-a-side tonight.

- He can't get a baby-sitter.

- Marvellous.

What d'you want, then?

Just wanted to know

if l could go back to the same nightclub.

l told you it's sweet, you got a pass.

Yeah, well, like l said,

l am really sorry about what happened.

- We was well out of our depth.

- You got a pass. All right?

Now don't worry about it.

Look, l'm sorry l come to your office.

Didn't want to drive you mad

in front of people.

Look, mate. l got things to do. l can't stand

out here talking bollocks with you all day.

Come on.

There is only one trainer.

'Ere, Bex. ls it true you had it

with the Service Crew, 40-handed?

They reckon you stood and had it with them.

Then made one with the Old Bill as well.

l was gonna go to that game.

Me old man wouldn't let me out.

Some old bollocks about knowing

you lot were goin' firm-handed

- and there was gonna be agg.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

- You any good at football, trappy?

- Course.

Yeah, well, l need someone

to make up the numbers tonight.

Be at the cages behind the new flats at six,

l'll give you a game.

Put that yellow Sergio in a bag for me

and all, send it over to the office.

No problem.

- Well, do you fancy it or not?

- Yeah, l'll be there.

Good.

Don't be late.

And wear some sensible clobber.

- Please.

- No.

- Please!

- You don't get wages

if you haven't done any work.

l've been grafting my bollocks off.

You don't know the meaning

of the word, kid.

D'you know, the only thing

you ever ask me for is money?

Yeah, but this is different,

cos l'm asking you as a son and as a friend.

- As a man, even.

- When will you get it into your canister,

you don't get wages

if you haven't been at work.

- Stroll on.

- l'll take the ladder away.

l'll go through the window.

Don't you stop it, don't you stop

Don't stop the music

All right, all right. lf l give you readies,

it's a sub, not wages.

- Done!

- Means you still gotta do the collar.

- Done!

- How much?

- 38 pound.

- You tryin' to spin my nut, mush?

- What you buyin'?

- Scag.

- What?

- Come on, just chuck the money down.

You're doolally, you.

- Cheers, Joey Deacon.

- You facety little ras.

Use it!

- Where you been? Get in goal.

- l'm not a goalie.

You f***ing are now, go on.

Come on!

F***ing wrong with you, you jar?

You told me you were value!

What's the matter with you?

- Bex, who the f*** is he, eh?

- Where'd you get him from?

Long! Long!

Good goal, Bex!

Course it's a good goal, you plum.

J, take him!

No, ref, no!

F*** off, referee! lt weren't over the line!

That's never a penalty!

lt weren't over the line!

- For f***'s sake.

- Dunno what you're talkin' about.

- lt weren't over the line. F***in' hell.

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