The Five Pennies Page #2

You look a little shaky there, son.

You better sit this one out.

We'll get to the volunteers later.

Yeah, well, I...

You don't believe I can play this, huh?

Well, I'd like to inform you

about one information of piece of fact...

that I happen to be

the second-greatest cornet player...

- in Ogden, Utah.

- North Ogden or South Ogden?

You don't think that's much, do you?

Well, my father happens to live there...

and he's the greatest cornet player

in the whole world. Ask anybody.

If he ain't Gabriel,

you're in trouble. Play it.

- Where's the arrangement?

- Arrangement?

Man, nobody write down Dixieland.

You just let it happen.

Well, suppose it happens great one...

Suppose it happens great one time...

and you'd like it to happen exactly

the same way. What do you do then?

Just like tapping a nightingale

on the shoulder, saying:

"How's that again, Dicky-bird?"

Well, I write it down.

I've been writing it down

since I was 13 years old.

Here, I've got it right here.

Here's the drum part right there.

Would you just hold this here

right there? Thank you very much.

The... That's right there.

The... Right there.

The Battle Hymn of the Republic.

Maybe you better come back Sunday.

This prayer meeting ain't ready

for that kind of music.

Just try to stay with me, huh, boys?

Don't look back,

or you'll be trampled to death.

I'm gonna be very sick.

Excuse it, folks.

Somebody must have put alcohol

in our liquor.

- Feel better?

- Where's my horn?

You feel better.

I wouldn't want anything to happen

to this horn.

There's not another one like it

in the entire world...

and my father gave this to me.

You know that tea we had before...

that's the first drink of liquor

I ever had...

in my whole entire life

ever since I was born.

I wish I hadn't been...

I'd never have guessed it, Red.

While we're on the subject

of confession, I may as well tell you...

that nobody in Ogden calls me Red,

except me.

My name is Loring.

I couldn't help it.

Actually, it's Ernest Loring Nichols.

Now, you're ashamed

of all the wrong things.

You know what my real name is?

- Willa.

- What?

Willa. Willa Steutesman.

- Willa what?

- Steutesman.

Willa Steutesman? Oh, you're kidding.

Willa?

- Hi, Willa.

- Hi, Loring.

Now you just take it easy,

and I'll get your hat, and then...

And you can take me home.

Let's not wait for Tony.

You mean you want just me alone...

to take you home all by myself

with nobody else but just me?

And remember...

it doesn't really matter that...

you'll never be

the greatest cornet player in the world.

Doesn't really matter?

- You don't believe me, either.

- Oh, please. Now just wait here, Loring.

Just call me Red.

Glory, glory

hallelujah

Oh, yes

Gloried man

Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes

Oh, yes, oh, yes

Yeah!

Yeah, get that boy's license number.

He caught the nightingale.

- More! More!

- More! More!

And when I was 5 years old,

I was playing Carnival in Venice...

at church festivals.

Have you ever been

at a church festival in Ogden, Utah?

I don't think so.

Well, you don't know

what you've missed.

"And now, Professor E. W. Nichols...

"and the entire

Nichols family orchestra...

"featuring Master Loring Nichols,

aged five...

"will play

The Carnival in Venice on the silver"...

You know, it was real silver, too.

My father's still got it,

as a matter of fact.

Let me finish, honey.

How much longer is the cab ride?

- Oh, it's a long way to Brooklyn.

- Good.

You live in Brooklyn?

And it's so late. I know

I'm gonna catch it from my mother.

You have a mother?

Well, sure.

It happens, even to showgirls.

Brooklyn and mother.

- Did you just hear what I heard?

- What?

Never mind. You will.

You had to go to Brooklyn, huh?

You went to Brooklyn.

I told you...

What's going on here?

Meet the blushing bride, my friend.

- Willa and I just got married.

- Who's Willa?

- Me, Bobbie.

- Good luck.

Thanks. Say, I wanna know

if we could...

have a little time off for the honeymoon?

- Just, you know...

- You get five-minute breaks, don't you?

That's two choruses and a reprise.

- Get out 43, 56, and 42.

- Real sweet fellow, isn't he?

- Keep your mind on the music, will you?

- Yeah, I'll do that. Don't worry about it.

By the way,

you didn't get a chance to look over...

those arrangements

I did for you, did you?

- Lf you want them, they're in the ashcan.

- What?

You trying to put me out of business

with that broken-down Dixieland?

- What are you talking about? It's...

- I gave your tone-deaf canary a job.

What else do you want?

- Now wait a minute...

- Now sit down, shut up, and blow.

High-ho, one and all...

and a very fond welcome

to the sweetest music ever played.

We're a little misty-eyed tonight.

For our own Loring "Red" Nichols...

the finest cornet in the country,

has taken to himself a bride...

none other than the new addition

to our happy family...

our society chanteuse,

the lovely Miss Bobbie Meredith.

For our loving couple, we dedicate

our theme with all of our blessings.

If you will hold my hand

Misty-eyed, huh?

I'll show him misty-eyed.

Loring, don't do anything crazy.

We need him more than he needs us.

With eyes afire

I'll know your desire

Then a heavenly kiss

I won't resist

For you will dim the lights

Then I will hold you tight

I'll take you

to paradise

Hello.

Did you apologize to him

like I asked you to?

Well, I had a little talk with him

after the show.

- Well?

- Well...

you wouldn't want me to stay in

the band if I weren't happy, would you?

I mean, can you imagine

another couple of months...

of, "Good evening, one and all.

"I'm a little misty-eyed tonight,

oh, misty-eyed"...

- Oh, Loring, you didn't even try.

- Yes, I did try, baby. I tried my best...

but he wouldn't listen to reason,

so I hit him in the eye and quit.

- Oh, but, Loring, we just got married.

- I know.

Oh, well. At least I still have a job.

I better tell you now, honey.

I hit him for both of us.

You what?

- Oh, Loring.

- I couldn't have my wife...

working for a guy like that. Now look.

Honey, will you stop worrying.

Pretty soon he'll be working for me.

I don't even know you.

You're a stranger.

No, I'm not.

My mother was right.

She said you were unstable.

- You do crazy things all the time.

- No. No. Please, no.

No, I don't, honey.

Why don't we talk about that tomorrow?

- After all, this is our wedding night.

- It was all a mistake, a horrible mistake.

Bobbie, will you...

Bobbie, listen. What kind of

a bridal suite is this anyway?

- The doors lock.

- You can sleep in there on the couch.

We'll both get a night's rest.

I don't want a night's rest.

Hello.

Now, here are your pajamas

and your toothbrush.

Bobbie, listen. I'll do anything you say.

I'll go back and beg Wil for the job.

I'll play so softly

nobody will know I'm there. Please.

No. No, you won't, Loring.

Do you know why you quit Wil's band?

He didn't like your arrangements.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes