The Freshman Page #3

My dad tells me you're from Nebraska.

Vermont.

What do you think of New York?

I stopped thinking 24 hours ago.

I'm going on pure instinct.

That's what you should do in New York.

Is your father here now?

He's in the Bronx at some meeting.

Aunt Angelina?

My head's killing me.

I'm going to bed.

This is Clark. Dad mentioned him.

Clark. The boy working for Dad.

I'm going to bed.

Watch "Jeopardy." You come up?

After Clark leaves.

Good night, Aunt Angelina.

Dad's sister.

She moved in when my mother died.

I was 4.

I was 6.

- Your mom?

- No, my dad.

But it's never the same.

No, but what can you do?

Nothing.

Nothing.

I'll get you the keys to the car.

I'm a sophomore at the College of the

Sacred Virgin. Don't laugh.

- Next year I'm going to Harvard.

- Harvard?

That's something. I didn't apply there,

with my high school grades.

Not that they were terrible.

My grades are nothing special.

About a B-.

How did you get in?

Your Boards must have been monsters.

It's Dad.

He told Harvard I wanted to go,

and they said, "Sure."

Are we talking about the same Harvard?

In Cambridge, Massachusetts?

Of course. Harvard needs my dad.

They don't want strikes

by the janitors or gardeners.

All those old trees and lawns.

But he's an importer.

Right?

It's great meeting you, Clark.

A guy from Vermont.

Real American New England-y.

Hold on.

- He's an importer. Just tell me.

- He's an importer. Yes.

An extremely powerful importer.

There are such people.

So what is it?

- What is what?

- The package at the airport.

Hint. It's big.

Bring someone to help you out.

What is it?

If Dad didn't tell you, I can't.

It's not going to be a dead guy

in a box or something, is it?

What an imagination.

You're so unbelievably cute.

I'll see you again.

I could just eat you up.

Good luck tomorrow.

You boys need me?

- You Leo?

- I am Big Leo.

- It just says Leo.

- We are the same. Leo and Big Leo.

- You're synonymous.

- That's right.

Okay, come with me.

You don't bring it out?

No. Not this I don't.

"Not this I don't."

Remember those words.

Not very encouraging.

Here it is. All yours.

It arrived this morning

on the redeye from Borneo.

I'm going to puke my guts out.

- What is it?

- A lizard.

- That thing is a lizard?

- They call it the Komodo dragon.

Lives in Indonesia, Sumatra,

Komodo Island, in point of fact.

And tell Mr. Sabatini that this one...

...was eight bills extra.

- Excuse me?

Just tell him. He'll understand.

Sign here by the X.

Recipient.

- That's me.

- You're the recipient.

Put him in the back seat

with the windows open.

The gills need fresh air.

He doesn't have any gills.

Whatever. That's what I was told.

Fresh air.

And make sure you get

a seat belt on him, because...

...if he jumps on you...

...you got major troubles.

Major troubles.

Down, boy.

It's not a dog.

You know what?

We got to pick him up.

Pick him up.

- With what?

- With our hands.

It's not that bad.

I'll help you,

but I won't risk my life.

- Help. For God's sake.

- Sorry.

- I refuse to handle this animal.

- He's going under the truck.

- Get the door.

- You locked it, remember?

Take him.

Just for a second.

You're the recipient.

If he stains my suit, I'll be pissed.

Could you take any longer?

Okay, you go around

and get the other side.

Major trouble.

Put the seat belt on him.

- You're joking.

- I'm not joking.

This is precious cargo,

this freaking thing.

- What seat belt?

- Put him in this one.

Seat belts.

- Under his armpit.

- What armpit?

This lizard armpit.

Oh, that lizard armpit. I see.

You know...

- I think he's okay.

- Let's go.

Happy as a clam.

- Use the air conditioner.

- He said to leave them open.

Who? Haystack Calhoun? What is he?

A zoologist? I'll take responsibility.

All right.

I told you he'd throw up.

I have to open the windows.

It's murder.

Feeling better? Tummy ache all gone?

- It stinks in here.

- I can't take it.

We have to wash it off.

Pull into that gas station.

Excuse me. Hello.

- I need some water. A hose.

- Around the corner. Help yourself.

This way. It's around the back.

He went under a car.

You go that way.

Owner of the reptile,

report to the information booth.

- Don't panic.

- What if I can't find him?

Leave the country for 10 years.

You're kidding? I'm serious!

Security to Concourse B.

Okay, go.

Slowly.

I'm losing him.

I'm afraid now.

Mr. London?

Edward?

Look!

It's here!

Finally.

- Are you Edward?

- I am.

Oh, what a beautiful specimen.

Has this bad boy been swimming?

We took him right here

from the airport.

They just love swimming pools.

But...

...chlorine.

I told him he is

very disobedient dragon.

For joke.

It's a good joke. Very unusual.

Without humour, what do we have?

Beautiful, yes?

- This is like a zoo?

- This is like a zoo.

Can you believe this?

- So, do you exhibit rare animals?

- On occasion.

Who are these boys?

Carmine said one boy...

...here are two.

This is Mr. Larry London.

- Mr. London, I'm Clark Kellogg.

- Carmine said one boy...

...here are two.

I realize that, sir. We are two boys,

as you quite rightly point out.

However, I'm somewhat

new to the area...

...and this particular parcel

was quite bulky...

...so at the suggestion of Tina...

- Ah, die schne Tina.

The beautiful Tina.

Yes, the beautiful Tina.

If there was a misunderstanding...

Carmine said one boy...

...and here are two.

You gotta like this guy.

Smells like basil.

Very good.

A cream basil sauce.

You're a chef?

I wasn't clear what you did.

Now you'll get your money.

The money...

The money is conveyed

in a brown paper bag.

- Not very attractive, I know.

- No problem, sir.

If you count it, I won't mind.

That won't be necessary.

I trust you and Mr. Sabatini.

That means,

"My heart swims in blood."

That's a Bengal tiger,

ladies and gentleman.

Something is way off.

Way off.

How are you, darling?

How's New York?

I miss you too. Like crazy...

...at the risk of sounding like a mother.

No, he's asleep, thank God. Why?

Well, the thing is I got this job.

New York is unbelievably expensive.

I had to.

It involved driving...

...and picking up a reptile.

What kind of a reptile?

I don't...

- It's a Komodo dragon.

- Who? Komodo dragon?

- I never heard of it.

- Then could you look it up?

- Komodo? Is that with a K?

- Right.

Koala.

Kodiak.

Komodo dragon. Here.

"Latin name is" Varanus komodoensis.

Main prey are deer and wild pig.

There are seven dragons

in zoos outside Indonesia. "

- Oh, my God! Oh, Clark.

- What?

"Chances for survival

are considered hopeless."

It's an endangered species.

My God.

- Are you sure?

- There's a red asterisk next to it.

That means virtually extinct.

- What's this job?

- Never mind, I'll quit.

A Komodo dragon.

Don't worry. I didn't know.

That's him.

You sure?

Absolutely. That's Dwight Armstrong's

stepson. Unbelievable.

Is Mr. Sabatini here?

Yes. Come in.

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