The Front Page Page #5

to shoot a colored cop

in an election year.

Now I want you fellas

to tell it loud and clear

that the death warrant

for Earl Williams

is a death warrant for

all the radical elements in this town.

Not again, Pete.

I say reform the Reds

with a rope.

Can I quote you

on that, Sheriff?

Certainly, my boy.

Sheriff Hartman

pledges to reform the Reds with a rope.

That's worth

a good 600,000 votes.

Plus a couple of 100,000

colored votes,

so when that baby drops through the trap,

you guys are a shoo-in.

Are you implying

that the Mayor and I

are playing politics

with a man's life?

Oh, am I glad to get out

of this friggin' town.

That cuts both ways, Johnson.

Both ways.

American. City Press.

See you around, fellas.

Goodbye, Sheriff.

Gonna miss you. "Honest."

Well, chums,

I got to pick up my girl.

We're gonna have dinner

before we get on that train.

Let's have one

for the road.

Mr. Johnson.

If you have any advice

to give me...

Sure, kid.

Never end a sentence

with a preposition,

never draw

to an inside straight,

and never, never get caught

in the can with Bensinger.

So long, Hildy.

Take care of yourself.

Drop us a postcard,

you stewbum.

Any of you ever

get to Philadelphia,

for Christ's sake,

don't look me up

because from now on

I'm not associating with riffraff.

Cheers!

# Not a soul down

on the corner #

# That's a pretty

certain sign #

# That wedding bells

are breaking up #

# That old gang of mine #

# All the boys are

singing love songs #

# They forgot sweet Adeline #

# Those wedding bells

are breaking up #

# That old gang of mine ##

Could you help

me again, please?

I just can't seem

to shake this cold.

Yeah, summer colds.

They're the worst.

All right,

unlock the handcuffs.

Was your dinner okay?

It was fine,

but they forgot the ketchup.

That's just too bad.

In here.

Earl, this is Dr. Eggelhofer.

He's going to examine you.

Oh, oh, hi, Doc.

Good evening, sir.

Sit down, please.

You gonna stick

some pins into me

and hit my knees

with a hammer?

That is very old-fashioned.

I'm merely going to

ask you a few questions.

Oh, thank you.

Now, Mr. Williams,

are you aware

of what's going to happen

to you tomorrow?

They're gonna hang me.

And how do you

feel about that?

Well, to tell the truth,

I'll be glad to get out of that cell.

It's so drafty.

See? I told you.

He's 100 percent sane.

It says here that you are,

by profession, a baker.

That's right.

I'm-- I'm a specialty baker.

You know, uh, pretzels

and breadsticks and bagels.

You know, I worked

for the same place for five years,

and then one day

they just fired me.

What was the reason?

'Cause I put those things

in the fortune cookies.

What things?

Free Sacco and Vanzetti.

Pretty sneaky,

those Bolsheviks.

Who's a Bolshevik?

According to this,

you were arrested

in 1925

for illegal possession

of explosives.

Oh, yes. Well,

I don't know

how you feel

about Wall Street, Doctor,

but I mailed this shoebox

to JPMorgan

with a time bomb in it.

And it came back because of

insufficient postage.

Blew the whole roof

off my boarding house.

We should send them all back

where they came from.

I come from Fargo,

North Dakota.

Tell me, Mr. Williams,

were you unhappy as a child?

Not really.

I had a perfectly

normal childhood.

I see. You wanted

to kill your father

and sleep with your mother.

If he's gonna

talk dirty--

When you were

in grammar school,

did you

practice self-abuse?

No, sir.

I don't believe in it.

I would never abuse

myself or anybody else.

I love people,

I love all people.

I suppose that cop

committed suicide.

Let us get back

to masturbation.

Did your father ever

catch you in the act?

Oh, my father

was-- was never home.

He was a conductor

on the Chicago-Northwestern.

Very significant.

Your father wore a uniform

just like that policeman.

And when he

pulled out the gun,

an obvious phallic symbol,

you thought

he was your father

and was going to use it

to hurt your mother.

He's crazy.

Let us then try

to reconstruct your thought process

at the time

of the crime.

May I borrow

your gun, please?

Oh, sure thing.

Get up, Mr. Williams.

All right, you are standing

on that corner with those leaflets,

I am the policeman. I come up to you

and tell you to move along.

You refuse,

I draw my gun.

Now, I want you to tell me exactly

what you thought

and show me exactly

what you did.

Exactly?

# Gee, I get

that lonesome feeling #

# When I hear

those church bells chime #

# Those wedding bells

are breaking up ##

What the hell is that?

Maybe somebody else

is throwing a party.

Must be a riot

or a jailbreak.

Hey, Jacobi,

what's the matter?

What's going on

down there?

Somebody get away?

Who was it?

Hey fatso,

what happened?

Go screw! All right,

spread out, you guys.

Watch the gate.

Somebody cover

the west wall.

And the rest of you,

follow me.

Get away

from those windows.

What's the excitement?

Earl Williams escaped.

Williams?

Jesus!

Earl Williams just busted out

of the County jail.

Got clean away.

Cops all over the place.

Lots of shooting.

Don't know if it's

from Williams or at Williams.

No, I don't know

how it happened.

Careful, you roughnecks.

Watch where you're shooting.

Stand by.

Call you later.

You bet.

The minute I get anything.

Hang on.

I'm off and running.

Hey, Keppler.

Sir?

Aren't you gonna call

into the office?

You think it's safe?

Those guys

couldn't hit anything.

I'm afraid

I did something bad.

When the shooting started.

In my pants.

I hope the negative

didn't get wet.

Uh, Rudy, the phone.

Oh, yes.

What's our number?

You've got

a direct line there.

Really?

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Duffy.

This is Keppler.

Rudy Keppler.

Yes, I'm in

the Criminal Courts building,

but it looks like there's going to be

no hanging tomorrow.

No. No reprieve from the Governor

as far as I know.

I can't hear you, Mr. Duffy,

with all the shooting and the sirens.

Oh, sh*t!

Duffy, it's Hildy Johnson.

Get me Walter, quick.

Switch that call in here,

will you? It's Hildy.

What'd I tell you?

I knew the minute

he saw we were replacing him

with that snot-nosed kid,

it would be such a blow to his ego...

Look, Hildy, if you want your job back,

it's too late.

I got a first-class guy

coverin' that story.

Yeah, just met him.

Full of piss and vinegar.

Now get this, Walter.

Earl Williams just

lammed out of jail.

That's right.

You heard me.

Holy smoke! Hold everything in

the composing room.

Well, thanks

for the call, Hildy.

I know you're in a hurry

to catch that train.

Christ, when I think what

you could have done with this story.

Don't worry, Walter.

I'm right on top of it.

Anything I can do

for you, Mr. Johnson?

Yeah. Change your diapers.

What happened?

How did he get out

of your rubber jail?

Any clue

to his whereabouts?

We got to

have a statement, Pete.

Come on, Pete.

If you'll just shut up

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