The Full Treatment Page #2

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when the stresses and strains

reach a sufficient pitch of tension.

- Un verglas, s'il vois plat.

- Tout de suite, monsieur.

Well, I suppose human beings follow

the same laws, more or less.

Oh, I do apologise...

Yes, but machines can't mend

themselves. Human beings can.

Oh, sometimes. With help.

What sort of help?

Well, the help one personality

gives to another.

The innocent with their wives,

the wicked with their mistresses.

We all need help.

Which category

do you fall into?

Neither! I derive my pleasure

from being an observer

of this strange mixture

of frustration and debauchery.

And your observances,

are they worth recording?

Oh! Quite definitely. But they are

recorded in complete secrecy.

There can never be complete secrecy,

unless perhaps for priests and murderers.

And even priests

tell their secrets to God.

And murderers can't resist drawing attention

to their crimes, however discreetly.

Hmm. A popular fallacy.

You know, only the unsuccessful

murderers disclose their crimes.

- Ice?

- And the successful ones?

Well, they draw their reward

from a feeling of personal power.

And that satisfies them?

Well, enough to make

them hold their peace,

which allows them

to live long enough to enjoy it.

Are you a murderer?

I sometimes find a pleasure

in murdering ideas.

But physical variety,

not so far.

Still, who knows?

I may be. So may you.

Are you?

I think we must unpack.

Thank you, monsieur.

Perhaps we'll meet again?

- Well, I sincerely hope so.

- Why?

Because you interest me.

You're quite refreshingly rude.

Now, you and your charming wife must

come and have dinner with me tonight, huh?

- My charming wife and I...

- You don't have to be afraid.

Afraid of what?

That I shall poison you.

I'm a pretty good cook.

And you might be interested. I have some

other unconventional friends coming.

It's very kind,

but we've had a long journey...

That's a pity.

Maybe some other time.

My villa is always open house.

I live on the bay down there.

And come up here for company.

And to select my victims.

Enchant, madame.

Denise!

S?

Well, here we are, folks. The last lap of

this sensational Grand Prix de Bathroom.

And get the time, folks.

So far, she's only taken

24 minutes and 18 seconds.

- You're mad.

- Well, never mind. Move over.

Oh, no. No, darling.

- Too late! Mind your feet.

- Oh.

Ow! Ooh!

- How do you feel?

- What?

Oh, fine.

A little tired, but fine.

How about some soap?

Of course, tired.

Tired from the car,

tired from the excitement,

tired from the tlphrique.

Am I forgiven for

all that stuff downstairs?

Idiot.

That was stupid talk, anyway.

It's all his high class

self-assurance that got me.

I suppose when

you don't have any yourself...

Oh, he's not so high class.

The high class look

low class, like me.

But so high class as he looks

is low class.

All right, I'm just a suspicious character.

Just like any husband whose wife's a dish.

Che cosa "dish"?

English compliment.

Tu sei la bella piatta.

Hey! No you don't,

we're going to cool you off too!

Stop it!

I can't breathe! No!

What is it, Alan?

They didn't tell me.

Why didn't they tell me?

Tell you what?

All those double-talking doctors.

Somebody could have warned me.

Alan!

No.

Is it my fault?

No, Denise. It's not you.

Then what is it?

I don't know what it is.

I don't know. Do you?

Well, if you don't know...

I wasn't there

when they briefed you.

I don't understand.

Maybe everybody knows about me.

Does Prade know?

- Prade?

- Yes. Did you discuss me?

Of course

I didn't discuss you.

Did you mention me?

I said I had

a husband who was...

Who was what?

Who was getting over a bad accident

and who wasn't quite...

Normal?

Wasn't quite recovered yet.

I'm sorry.

Try to relax, Alan.

Maybe it's just because

we did too much today.

Sure, I drove two miles.

You must try to be sensible.

If you were sensible,

you'd walk out on me.

Nobody'd blame you.

Oh, va, you!

Didn't you ever stop to think

that I might love you?

God knows why.

I'm a mess.

You're an impatient

mess, tesoro,

but these things can't be got over

just like that, quick, quick, quick.

So now, we'll order a meal

and eat it in bed, eh?

No. I don't want to stay up here.

Then we eat downstairs.

I don't want to eat downstairs.

I want to eat

down there at his villa,

along with all his other

unconventional guests.

You're joking!

I'm not joking, Denise.

I've got to learn to face people

like Prade without feeling inferior.

But all this you'll do in time.

But there may not be time. I need

confidence, Denise. I need it now.

But we refused the invitation.

Look, let's forget

the good manners for once.

Anyway, he said it was open house.

Don't let me go alone, Denise.

D'accord.

But I wouldn't like

to be your nurse.

Come here, nurse.

Someone's got

to turn off the shower.

Come here.

Did you ever stop to think

that I might love you?

We stay one hour,

no more, huh?

You promise? One hour.

You must promise.

Yeah. Yeah, I promise.

Okay. So now you'll choose

something for me to wear.

Entrez!

You'd better pick something

you can wear with a scarf.

Pardon, monsieur,

vous avez tlphon?

Vous dsirez quelque chose?

Cognac. Double cognac.

Bien, monsieur. Et madame?

Rien, merci.

There are some steps.

Go on. Allez, allez, allez!

Oh! Hello.

Well, this is a

pleasant surprise.

Oh! We took you

at your word.

My dear fellow, you don't know

how happy I am that you did.

And you couldn't have timed it better.

We're just about to start.

It's very bad of us

after we said no.

Nonsense.

We have enough bouillabaisse

to feed the Cte d'Azur.

Come in and meet the others.

Shall I lead the way?

Nicole! Nicole!

Il y a deux personnes

de plus pour dner.

Please.

Well, well, we have two very welcome

additions to the party.

The is the

Baroness of la Vaillon.

Mr and Mrs Colby.

And over here we have...

No. I don't believe it.

- Alan!

- Harry!

Colby the clown!

Hey, how long is it?

Two years?

No. Three.

I know him.

You look great, boy, just great.

- And the little contessa.

- Harry.

Well, that's two

less introductions.

Also, I'd like you

to meet my mother.

These are the two

I was telling you about.

I'm nearly stone deaf, so you

mustn't mind if I talk out of turn.

We'll move you down here,

Harry, if you don't mind.

- Yes, fine.

- Mrs Colby, here.

Thank you.

Colby, between the two ladies.

That's Harry's Connie.

How do you do,

Mrs Stonehouse?

What, me,

married to that?

Now don't bite the hand

that feeds you.

Connie's my secretary.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Granted.

- Allow me.

Hey, didn't I read that you had

a mad pile-up or something?

Yeah, I did. But you've still had

more than me. Oh, thanks.

Well, what are you

doing here?

I'm in Cannes

for a couple of weeks.

Then off to Milan

for the Grand Prix.

But it won't be the same without

you and Giovanni. Do you remember...

Oh, Denise, I'm sorry.

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