The Gamers: Hands of Fate Page #3

is marry me off to secure peace

which wouldn't have even been an option if I had been born your son!

This is about the first 10 years of R9E

I have play sets of all the rares

All the promos

Some of these even go back to the initial print run

These are total collector items now

Practically impossible to find

And I've kept them hidden for years

His journals, his unfinished work the quests he never completed

I found them Did we need to bring them all?

We thought these lost

Where ever did you find them?

No where that can't be repaired

I'm sorry? These are rather heavy

We can complete the quests he never did

Find the artifacts and allies we need to defend our kingdom, don't you see?

And these are the edge you need

You know how to play this game?

Yes, and I can teach you

if...

and I mean you gotta convince me

if it's a worthwhile use of my time

so I'll put it to you straight

this girl...

is she worth it

yeah

there's just something about her

the drive, the poise

the way she made that 11 year old cry

the moment I saw her I just knew

this girl's special

this is a girl

that I could really

really have sex with

yeah

that's all I needed to hear

with this deck you'll be questing

so you'll need a blend of strong mid-game quests

game ending knockout quests

and quick cheeser quests to get you started

here is a classic

a most peculiar lamp

oh just so you know when I remember this

I'm totally gonna imagine the matrix training sequence

what?

cards, lots of cards

so the lamp yeah

it's 10 renown

plus you get to search for and play 3 cards

from your own deck

if you got 40 renown already

this will push you over the edge

most peculiar lamp lying in wait to hijack

I'm gonna assign colonel baker

who is using his reaction to assign mike

who is using his reaction to assign the Chaplin

who motherfuckin ha

where'd they come from?

I've been wondering that for 30 years

thanks for showing us the way

now stay down

down I said

we need that lamp

this strikes me as an appropriate time to slip by in the vain

hello Mike is it?

sleep!

aaah!

you stay down

hey who am I?

baseball!

democracy

apple pie

you are ageless, not immortal

you can't go throwing yourself into risk like that

why ever not?

Holden needs you

well

Holden has me

the lamp

oh baby oh baby

man, good game, wow

everybody, give it up

for our second place finisher

second place?

what, did I miss the finals?

well I mean, it's a... you know...

it's a formality

I'm not in the know today who am I playing?

oh, you.. you don't know

allright!

The die has been cast and the cards drawn

and this year's sacrificial lamb

will be played by a newcomer

Shawn Cassidy!

it's Cas

the legend

mark

the Meach

Mayjam!

Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach...

rise my friends

so what are you supposed to be like the end boss or something?

look around you Mr. Cassidy

what you see is a row of championship banners

for this is my home store

it is here I have qualified for every global storyline tournament

since the dawn of the game and yet the topic of conversation tonight

is not my inexorable 10th consecutive qualifying tournament victory

but is instead

of some newcomer

slinging a slate of vintage quests

why is this?

regimes change and empires fall

that sure looks comfy

does that come with the win?

one half or one third?

will I be defeating you tonight with one half or one third of my deck

pick half...

it's less embarrassing

I think you're already playing with half a deck there buddy

no...

one third it is...

you go first

we're not cutting for it?

start out strong

set yourself up for victory

there's a reason you're carrying three of these

biggest turnip?!

quick 2 renown

biggest turnip?!

not every quest gets to be epic

maybe I'm missing something

what exactly is the big heroic deed here?

growing a giant freak vegetable?

more or less

and said mutant tuber has the potential to win you the game?

I don't think turnips are tubers

so...

your empire's at war

and regardless of the tactical or

economic realities on the ground

you could theoretically win a military conflict

by growing a turgid bit of purple stew bait

hey, I have an idea how to end this flashback

oh?

turn

take another

I'm sorry?

take another turn

I insist

now take another

come on man

take

another

turn

it's like we talked about

a desperate offer could save your ass

you get 3 renown to give 1 of your quest rewards

to one of your opponent's guys

and that helps me how?

it might buy you a turn

might!

I said might

a word of advice Mr. Cassidy

no matter how gimmicky your deck

the jank that gets you through the Swiss

won't hold up in the elimination rounds

tell your puppet master

questing is dead

our champion

for the 10th consecutive year

the

Meach!

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Gary it's conversations like these that keep you single

but, but the logic bears out, right?

tell me I'm wrong here's the thing

I'm not! If I have to pick a side

you do fine

yes, two d*cks would grow back

see? it's simple science!

I don't know what Lodge's problem is

hey, hey ah, can I talk to you? please!

hey!

you did great

he beat me in 9 cards

the Meach has won 4 Gencons!

he's arguably the best player in the game today

great, so...

how am I supposed to beat him at Gencon?

with any luck the legacy will knock him out of the tournament

ok, how am I supposed to beat the legacy?

with any luck the Meach will knock them out of the tournament

you're not helping!

every year in the sweltering late August heat

a strange creature will follow its instinctual migration pattern

here to urban Indiana

the gamer

during this great annual migration

gamers of all species from the Midwestern neck beard

to quivering man joy will descend upon Indianapolis in the tens of thousands

a group of gamers, called a table

is virtually unheard of in these numbers

but congregate they do every year

for Gencon

they have come such a distance for the same reasons as any migratory mammal

to build up resources for the long winter months

and to mate.

the pageantry of the 4 day con is not to be missed

members of this giant table will adorn themselves with colorful plumage

and perform bizarre mating displays to stand out from their rivals

competition among males for the demographically fewer females

is fierce but seldom lethal

of the gamers who do successfully mate

many will return a year later with their offspring

the geeklet, assuring the cycle of gamer life will continue

for at least another generation

but for every successful pairing there are multitude of failures

male gamers who fail to successfully find a mate

must return to their feeding grounds alone

where they will content themselves with their comic books

video games, and their latent misogyny

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