The Ghost Goes West Page #5

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with a silly story like this?

Isn't it All Fools Day today?

I haven't touched liquor

the whole night.

He walked right

through me, I tell you!

Donald! I don't want you to

come in here! Get out!

I'm sorry Peggy, but I can't wait

any longer to explain that...

I told you there's nothing

to explain! Get out!

Now listen to me, Peggy.

One thing I will not accept,

and that is your complete

misunderstanding of what has happened.

Did you see someone in an

ancient Scottish costume?

- I saw you in hurdle!

- No you didn't!

I know it isn't easy to believe,

but what you really saw wasn't a man

of flesh and blood at all, it was...

A ghost!

A ghost!

There's a ghost on this ship!

- Where?

Of course there is, Mrs. Martin.

I won't have your horrible castle!

You can take back every

one of your cursed stones!

- Mother, be quiet!

- And you can keep the money too.

- It's all you wanted of us.

- Come on...

- What's the trouble?

- Ask him, ask him!

- Your wife's seen the ghost.

- Nonsense.

Let's have a drink.

- It's the truth, Mr. Martin.

The ghost of Glourie Castle's

on this ship.

And that Miss Shepperton tells

me that she saw him too!

Out of consideration for

your wife's feelings,

I think we better call the deal off.

What? Just because a

couple of nervous women

thought they were

seeing something?

But they did!

You've got to believe it!

I'll believe it when I

see the ghost myself.

Now you run along Donald and

leave Mrs. Martn to me.

All right.

- I'll fix everything.

- All right.

Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me

where the ghost is?

- You'd really like to see him?

- Yes, sir.

Newspapers all over the world

will be wanting photographs.

I'll do my best.

Murdoch!

Now get your camera ready.

He may be here at any moment.

Good evening, Donald Glourie.

Good evening, Murdoch.

Are you afraid of me?

I haven't been afraid of you

since I was a child.

I want to tell you that

I'm gravely dissatisfied

with that which has come to pass.

You are dissatisfied?

I suppose you know you've

ruined my one chance

to do something with my life.

Your life? Ha!

Wait until you've been through

some centuries, as I have.

Haunting, looking for something,

and never finding it.

Say, Donald, I want to...

Say.

Now I'm seeing things!

No, Mr. Martin.

There really are two of us.

Allow me to introduce

my ancestor, Murdoch Glourie.

Ancestor?

Yes, my good man.

I am the Glourie ghost.

No.

You're kidding!

Who is this strange spoken fellow?

This is the new owner

of Glourie Castle.

He's going to rebuild it

in America.

Aren't you, Mr. Martin?

Yes. Stone by stone,

and panel by panel.

Good. It will be pleasant

to have a home again.

Goodnight, my friend.

Here, Mr. Martin.

Sit down, sit down.

Have a drink of the best.

Yes, a drink of the best.

Try another whisky.

But Mrs. Martin thinks differently,

so there's nothing to do

but tear up the contract.

Breaks my heart to do it,

but my wife's wishes are sacred!

Mr. Glourie, again

I congratulate you.

And you too, Joe. The wireless is

humming with news of the phantom.

It'll be a big story in New York,

but don't think you can fool me

with any publicity stories

about your haunted castle!

It isn't publicity, and it

isn't my castle anymore.

I've given it back to him.

- Is this true?

- Yes, I'm afraid it is.

- My wife made me do it.

- Well...

I don't mind telling you,

Mr. Glourie,

that I'd be interested in

buying your castle!

And your performing ghost.

Really? For how much?

Have a cigar.

Wait! I accept,

but no one ever paid so much for

a front-page story about a ghost.

Front-page story?

What are you doing?

The whole of America

is going to learn

that a ghost has

crossed the Atlantic

to advertise the superior merit

of the Bigelow chain...

What? You want to use

the ghost of my castle

for your nasty cheap publicity?

Tough luck Joe. You never

should have let it go.

- Have you sold it to him?

- I thought you didn't want it.

Who says I didn't want it?

How much is this crook

willing to pay you for it?

100,000 dollars precisely.

Some will say I've been over

generous, but that's the way I am.

- I'll give you 125,000!

- Look here Joe, you can't do that.

See here:
My daughter

discovered this place,

and I won't have her

discovery exploited

to advertise Bigelow's

chain groceries!

But your wife will never consent.

My wife has nothing to do

with this now. This is business.

All America will soon know that

a ghost just crossed the Atlantic

to advertise the superior quality

of Martin's Fine Foods!

CITY WELCOMES HAUNTED SHIP

WILL HEALTH DEPT PU GHOST IN QUARANTINE?

THREE GHOSTS SEEN ON BOA GHOST INVASION FROM THE OLD WORLD

The Congress of the United States

of America has the duty to call

the attention of every

American citizen to this outrage.

To import a ghost into

our progressive country,

to allow a spirit to pervade

the free air of the United States

which might be acceptable

in the effete atmosphere

of the British House of Lords,

but not here.

Yes, my noble Lords.

The fairest flowers of

Scottish architecture

are being uprooted

from their native soil

to be replanted in an alien land

where the very spirit of Scotland

has been prohibited for years.

Not enough this, my noble Lords,

not only our castles,

but also our ancestors,

who are being shipped over to

please the fancy of a millionaire

who apparently has

no ancestors of his own.

Not enough gentlemen, the

importation of an alien building,

but an alien ghost is

also being imported.

What do our immigration

authorities say about this?

What does the great

city of New York say?

They accord a civic welcome to this

relic of medieval superstition...

BIGELOW GROCERIES

Watch out!

Hey! What are you doing in here?

Hands up or I'll shoot!

Father!

Yes, my son?

I don't like America.

It's worse than the

day of the battle.

Then I will allow you

to remain invisible

until the opportunity

comes for revenge.

But if it never comes?

That is your eternal misfortune.

WELCOME TO SUNNYMEDE,

FLORIDA'S LITTLE PARADISE

THE SCOTCH GHOST SNUBS AMERICA

THE GHOST IN A KILT FAILS TO APPEAR

AFTER HIS SHOWY ARRIVAL

I never dreamed they'd be able

to make it look so nice and new.

But I only hope that

horrible old ghost

hasn't found out where they put it.

Don't worry. He'd never be

able to recognize it

with all those palm trees.

There's Father!

Hello, Dad!

Don't I look like a real

Scotsman now?

Well, almost.

You're pretty good at

controlling your enthusiasm,

but I'm glad you changed your mind

and came down to the

big inaugural ceremony.

I didn't come down for that.

I came to see you.

But what's the idea of the gondola?

That's just sort of a

European touch.

Look at that chandelier!

I had it made especially in

Bridgeport, Connecticut.

It's a lot better than all those

old smelly candles, eh?

Don't you think we've done a

wonderful job of the reconstruction?

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