The Girl Next Door Page #6

Look, they're coming to you.

I, Matt.

-What's up?|-What's up?

-Can we talk to you for a second?|-Dude, I'm with my girl here.

-Sorry, man.|-Should we come back?

No, I'll leave you guys alone.

What's up?

Hey, man, what's up|with those girls?

-What about them?|-Are they, like...?

Are they porn stars?

-Yeah.|-Sh*t.

I knew I recognized them.|I knew it.

-Can we meet them?|-Yeah.

How'd you boys|like to be in a movie?

-What are these?|-Your scripts.

Sign the release|form at the top.

Come on, you guys, wait up!

PHOTO RELEASE:

Are these our actors?

Just these two.

What about me, dude?

Sorry, bro.|Party's all full.

Gentlemen.

As an artist, I want it|to come from a truthful place.

Holy sh*t.

-Ferrari. Ferrari. Focus. Listen.|-Oh, okay.

-Are we...?|-No, I can do this. Don't worry.

Think Meryl Streep,|Sophie's Choice.

Hey.

Hey.

Next location! Come on, move!

Move, move, move! Let's go!

-I gotta be in this.|-Shut up. Take this.

Oh, come on! Take the pain!

Take the pain!|Get up. Come on!

May I have a word with you?

-What's up?|-I found this in the hallway.

Do you know what this is?

No, what is it?

Looks like a release|form for something.

Yeah, I don't|know what it is.

Have a good night.

You're strong.

You're firm.

But you have a secret.

Show that to me.

Thank you.

For what?

I never went to prom.

Excuse me, sir?

We have a problem.

-What's wrong?|-Derek didn't work out.

-What happened?|-Let's just say he wasn't strong...

...or firm.

Guys, I can't work like this.

Okay, relax.|We'll just get somebody else.

There is nobody else.

I thought everyone's|dying to be in this.

Not this scene.

All right.

This is the key scene.

If we don't get this,|Hugo's not gonna buy it.

Yeah, well, somebody's|gotta step up.

-Why are you looking at me?|-Because you're doing it.

Whoa, whoa,|Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Bang-Hot-Chicks.

Here's your first chance.

Klitz, I can't act|and direct, okay?

Oh, okay, fine. I'll direct.

-You're a director now?|-Yeah, I am.

Okay, Spielberg,|what lens will you use?

-It's a video camera.|-So?

Dude, you don't need to change|the lens on a video camera.

You know what? Take this camera|and shove it up your ass!

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

You guys have been great,|but this is my mess.

-I'll clean it up.|-Matt. Matt.

Your face is gonna be in this.|Think about that.

-Come here, baby.|-Let's....

Picture's up, people.

Are you ready, hon?

Yeah.

Okay, let's do this.

And...

...action.

What the hell|is going on in here?

-Nobody move!|-Oh, sh*t.

Who is in charge of this?

I asked you people|a question!

Who is in charge here?

F*** it.

All right, everybody,|take five.

What's wrong?

I can't do this.

What happened?

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.|Doesn't matter.

No.

I'll do it.

Klitz, it's cool.|You don't have to-

No, no, I'm doing it.

Why?

Because we're|a f***ing tripod.

All right, here we go, people.|Picture's up.

Listen, I know this|is unprofessional...

...but I think|you're really cute.

Yeah, right.

I'm serious.

Really cute.

How we doing, Klitzy?

F***ing great, man.

Let's do this.

And action!

See you guys.

Good night, guys.

So...

...what's the craziest thing|you've done lately?

-Hello?|-We're dead.

-Eli?|-Dude, the tape's not here.

-I can't find it.|-What?

Dude, I'm not kidding, okay?|I've looked everywhere, okay?

All right,|calm down.

No, dude, you calm down!|It's gone!

-What do you mean it's gone?|-I mean it's freaking gone.

Somebody stole it!

Jesus Christ!

Matthew, could you|come in here?

This is Mr. Simon.

He says he has something|very important to discuss with us.

Why don't you sit down.

Actually, if you don't mind...

...may I have a word|with the boy alone first?

Sure.

So how was prom?

-That's mine.|-You know, we were fine.

But now you go and do this?|This was my idea.

Now I'm really gonna|f*** your sh*t up.

I'm gonna need that back.

Take it from me.

Yeah...

...what are you gonna do?

I don't have to do anything.

Hugo Posh will.

Yeah, he's my partner|on this, 50-50.

So could I please|have my tape back?

F*** you!

F*** you.|I'm taking your half then.

No. That money's going to Samnang.|The money you stole from him.

You say that like I care.|I don't give a sh*t.

You're giving me your half.

And if I don't?

Showtime.

-Okay.|-"Okay," what?

Show them the tape.

I'm not f***ing around.

I just don't care anymore.

This...

...is gonna be interesting.

Dan, Marci, Mr. Salinger...

...would you mind joining me|in the living room for a second?

Great.

Matthew, is there anything you want|to say before we watch this?

Okay, then. On with the show.

Hello. I'm April.

And I'm Ferrari.

You may recognize us as stars of|the adult entertainment industry.

And today we're taking time|out to talk about...

...a very important subject.

-Sex.|-Sex.

Special events|such as senior prom...

...place added pressure|on young teens...

...to lose their virginity|and engage in unprotected sex.

I know I lost my virginity|at my senior...

...prom. When'd you|lose yours, April?

-When I was 10.|-Moving on.

In this video,|we'll go through.

...everything from kissing|to foreplay.

And for our finale, we'll show you|how to put a condom on properly...

...using a real person.

No cucumbers or bananas|in this video.

So for those of you|naughty boys...

...expecting to see a|raunchy porn video...

...you might as well|turn this off now...

...because you're not|gonna see sex.

What the f*** is this sh*t?

You're gonna see sex education.

The ELI EXPERIENCE|presents

ADULT EDUCATION|Sex Education for the 21st Century

This is interesting, Matthew.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's|a great idea.

Well, you remember those|sex-ed films back in our day.

Well, I'll tell you, if|they were anything like this...

...we sure would've paid|more attention, don't you think?

I think it's atrocious.

But...

...the hell with it.

The kids today|are so goddamn screwed up...

...maybe this is the only way|you can reach them.

You just might|have something here, Matthew.

I think it's pretty wild.

This could really sell,|don't you think?

How'd you come up|with such an idea, Matthew?

What can I say?

It's like a gift, you know?

It's like I can't control it.

We've Only.|Just Begun.

YEARBOOKS|TODAY!

Courtney Booth. I will always|remember late nights in Cabby--

Eric Zierdal.|I'll always remember--

Kurt Kilgore. I will--

Joseph Croft.

I will always remember wrestling|and the great memories we had.

Matthew Kidman.|I will always remember...

...the three legs of|the tripod.

I'm here with Hugo Posh,|the producer of Adult Education...

...the hottest-selling|sex-education video ever made...

...being utilized in classrooms|across the globe.

Hugo, you're known primarily as|a hard-core pornographer, correct?

My business partner.

Let me break it down for you

See, Hugo Posh isn't just tits.|He isn't just ass.

I mean, yes, he is those things,|but Hugo Posh is also heart.

What an ass-bag.

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