The Glass Bottom Boat

You're looking at the undersea

gardens of Catalina lsland. . .

. . .a paradise of exotic fish

and giant kelp.

Largest of these

is the great bladder kelp.

That's what l said, madam,

bladder kelp.

Note the gentle, swaying motion

of the kelp plants, like a lovely ballet.

And if a mermaid should happen

to join our ballet. . .

. . .remember, anything can happen

in the mysterious depths of the ocean.

-Any time, Jenny.

-Okay, Pop.

Hey!

What in heaven's name

do you think you're doing?

-You talking to me?

-Yes, l'm talking to you.

-That's my suit on your line.

-Oh, l'm sorry.

-That's a pretty funny-looking suit.

-My mermaid tail.

Would you please throw it back?

That's difficult. lt's all tangled.

Come aboard, and l'll untangle it.

Well, that's a little difficult too,

since l'm bottomless.

Oh, yeah, l see what you mean.

Here. Get into this.

And another thing,

don't you believe in signs?

-Now what are you talking about?

-That sign over there that says:

''No fishing. ''

-l wasn't exactly fishing.

-Well, then what were you doing?

Maybe l was hunting for mermaids.

l'm gonna have you arrested.

They're gonna have you arrested,

going around without your bottom.

Mr. Templeton,

your company's new device. . .

-. . .overcomes weightlessness in space?

-Yes.

-lt actually simulates gravity?

-Electronically, yeah.

-Mr. Templeton, could you explain?

-Gentlemen. Gentlemen. One at a time.

What do you call this thing we saw?

Technically, this thing is referred to as. . .

. . .Gravity lnertial Stabilized

Manned Observatory.

The initials are G-l-S-M-O, and that

spells Gismo, and that's what we call it.

-Bruce.

-Yeah, Paul.

-I got a little problem. Can I come up?

-l'll come down to you.

-Do the Russians have Gismo?

-No, they'd like it.

-Can you give us the equation?

-No, l'm sure they'd like that even better.

Excuse me, l have to leave. My partner,

Mr. Molloy, will answer any questions.

-You can handle that, can't you, Einstein?

-l'll fake it, old buddy.

All right, fellas and little lady.

Fire away. But remember, Templeton's

the brains. l just move the merchandise.

How did he arrive at this equation?

Well. . . .

This building is called the M-1 Building.

All this specially designed

for testing spacecraft and subsystems.

The laboratory is fully equipped

with a thermal vacuum chamber. . .

-. . .a superclean room and a space--

-Mrs. Nelson, may l see you a moment?

Oh, yes, Mr. Goodwin.

Would you excuse me, please?

-Yes, sir?

-When you finish with the tour. . .

-. . .come to my office.

-Yes.

l'd like to mobilize Public Relations.

The press are clamoring for Gismo data. . .

-. . .and you might be equipped to write it.

-Yes, sir.

Did you say that l should write it, sir?

Oh, l'd like that very much, Mr. Goodwin.

l really would.

But you must understand that l'm just

a beginner, no experience whatsoever.

-l have every confidence in your work.

-Oh, thank you, Mr. Goodwin.

Besides, l've taken

a special interest in you.

Oh, that's very kind of you, sir.

The tour, l'd bet--

Hi, Jen. How do you like your first week

in a think factory?

lt's like being at college.

l even had an offer to stay after school.

l noticed. Remember, the campus widow

can't just brush off the dean of women.

Campus wido--?

How does everybody

know so much about me?

That badge you're wearing,

it represents a tight security check.

Sex, female. Marital status, widow.

Widow, that's like catnip.

Well, not for that cat.

Donna, may l borrow a dime, please?

l have to call my dog, thanks.

-Did you say you were calling your dog?

-Yeah.

With me away at work,

the poor thing doesn't get exercise.

So whenever the phone rings, he runs

around the house barking like crazy.

Four.

Five.

Okay, Vladimir, that's all l have time for,

baby. See you later.

Vladimir?

There you are.

-Thanks.

-Thanks for waiting.

This is called the Clean Room.

lt's completely sterilized so that no dust

or dirt will contaminate the critical parts.

Workers entering the Clean Room

must first stand on this grate. . .

. . .which shakes off dust

from shoes and clothing. Like this:

Oh, dear. l guess we'd better go now.

We'll go that way.

-Excuse me.

-l'll be out of your way in just a minute.

-Hey, you're the mermaid.

-Yes, l'm the mermaid.

Didn't recognize you

with your clothes on.

We never did introduce ourselves,

did we?

Well, let's leave it that way, shall we?

-What are you mad about?

-You haven't noticed. . .

. . .my heel is stuck?

Don't you believe in signs?

You could have your license revoked.

-Okay, so now we're even.

-Okay, so let me help you with your shoe.

Will you please--?

Where's your sense of humor?

Hey, what about your shoe?

-Hey, Cripps.

-Yes, sir.

Where's Mr. Templeton?

-l believe he's in the Clean Room, sir.

-Thank you.

Hey! Hey!

-What are you trying out for?

-Some creep is chasing me.

Oh, honey.

Do you see him?

A wild-eyed maniac with one shoe?

-Listen-- Oh, hello, Donna.

-Hello, Mr. Templeton.

Can l do something for you,

Mr. Templeton? Mr. Bruce Templeton.

-The owner of this. Have you seen her?

-Funny you should mention that.

l did see somebody, but--

A very attractive blond. Somewhat kooky,

with one shoe off and one shoe on.

-Hello there.

-Oh, hello, sir.

-Did you lose something?

-Oh, oh, no.

Oh, Mr. Templeton,

l am so sorry about all this.

But l didn't know who you were.

And l-- Well, l'm just so embarrassed

l just don't--

Are you all right?

Yes, l'm fine, thank you.

But. . . . Yes, l'm fine, but--

-Oh, but please forgive me.

-Oh, there's nothing to forgive.

lt just seems l now owe you one shoe

and one mermaid's tail.

-Oh, not-- Don't worry about--

-Yeah, well, anyway, there's the shoe. . .

. . .and l'll send you the mermaid's tail.

Thank you very much, sir.

Tell Mr. Molloy l wanna see him, honey,

will you?

Oh, Zack.

-What happened to you?

-l have just dictated a memo. . .

. . .to the janitorial department:

''The dust under the Clean Room grate. . .

. . .is to be cleared away daily. ''

That's all, Miss Perkins.

You--? You didn't. . .?

You didn't fall through the. . .?

Where is the humor?

Dust is the worst thing in the world

for my ulcers.

My doctor told me this morning--

-Zack, Zack.

-Where are you?

You're kidding.

You found a girl, and you're interested. . .

-. . .like she was a piece of hardware?

-Like a piece of space hardware.

Gonna take time off. Sit on the boat,

with my little piece of space hardware.

-Know what this is?

-What?

lt's the Air Force confirmation

to go, go, go. Put Gismo into orbit.

-What?

-Of course we could cancel it?

lt's only a $ 75-million contract.

l'll tell you what l'll do.

l'll call the general,

tell him you're not interested.

-ln orbit by July?

-Three months.

-lmpossible.

-You can do it.

-We can?

-Yeah.

Maybe we can. Let's think carefully.

You go to Washington.

Tell the general it's a cinch.

-l already got the tickets.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes