The Golden Door Page #7

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I mean, he told me he was

going to get fired,

and I insisted.

It's- it's my fault.

Pardon me for saying,

but that is bullshit.

Hank got fired because of Hank,

not because of you,

not because of your mother,

although she sounds colorful.

I heard about that.

He got fired because of him,

whatever he did.

I still feel awful.

Hank will get another job.

I'm just happy to hear

that you feel awful.

You know, I think I can help him

get his job back.

Maybe you shouldn't.

You don't think

he wants my help?

No, it isn't that.

Ooh, easy.

Easy easy.

Okay okay.

It isn't that. It's just, you know,

Hank needs to be back in school.

You're right.

He's too smart to

be a doorman.

No, he's not. It's just that

he wants to be a nurse.

What's wrong with

being a doorman?

No- nothing.

Nothing's wrong with being a doorman.

I just think it's

a misuse of Henry's talents.

We agree about that.

Come on.

No.

No way.

This can't be it.

Young wo[Man on TV]:

She told me that I was going on a trip,

and that I was going to meet...

some tall dark stranger.

(girl and man moaning)

What you lookin' at?

Grace:

You need help finding something?

"Grand Theft Anal"?

Section 4, Male Erotic.

- Mom.

- Henry.

What a nice surprise.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm working.

No, you don't work here. This is

a sick sick place for sick perverted...

Shh! Hush.

It's a video store, honey,

for- for adults.

- [Girl on TV]:
Yes, take me!

- Okay.

We need to talk.

Not here. Outside.

I'm working.

Don't you need to get to work?

- Hey, Gracie.

- Oh.

- Great job on the dildo display.

- Thank you, Lazlo.

- I would like you to meet my son Henry.

- Hey!

- It's a great pleasure.

- Yeah, it's- sure. Great.

Look, I'm sorry to tell you that

my mother needs to resign...

- from your store.

- Really?

But she's employee of the week.

Hey, Henry,

what do you do?

Uh, I'm a nurse.

Ooh. Well, to each his own.

You know, when the customers come

in here and they figure out that...

Gracie is working here,

well, it makes them

more relaxed.

They feel like they're at home,

'cause maybe their mothers...

didn't appreciate

these kinds of things.

So she's great for business.

- Isn't he sweet?

- [Girl on TV]:
Yes! Yes!

- Yes! Ahh!

- I only wish that my mother...

were more like her...

hot and totally

non-judgmental.

Okay. That's great.

Thank you.

- We need to go.

- Henry, no.

I'm not quittin'. I'm treated

with respect here and I like it.

All right. How would you like

to be assistant manager?

Would you like that?

Two bucks more an hour?

- Yes.

- All right, you're assistant manager.

- Nice meeting you.

- [Girl on TV]:
Ahh ahh ahh!

- Ahh! Oooh!

- Aw.

You cannot work here anymore.

You need to go and tell him that you quit.

You are really bothering me.

I'm working.

I'm serious.

You'll find another job. You can't...

- Henry?

- Oh, no.

No no no no.

Scarlett. Uh...

- you can't be here. Not here.

- [Girl on TV]:
Oh, yeah, baby!

- Right there.

- Don't look at that.

[Man]:

Yeah, baby, look at it.

Mmm, yeah.

Now spit on it.

Need help finding

something, sweetie?

Uh, Scarlett,

this is my mother, Grace.

- Hi, it's nice to meet you.

- Very nice to meet you too.

[Man on TV]:

Do it like that for Daddy.

Are you looking for

an adult film?

No, I was looking for Henry.

Damn, it's hot in here.

[Girl on TV]:

Yeah yeah yeah!

(slow motion)

Nooooo!

What the hell are you doing?

I thought that... wh...

Forget it.

I'm not supposed to

wear this uniform in here.

I won't tell if you don't.

[Man on TV]:

Yeah, oh!

What are you doing here?

- Cate said you might be here.

- You talked to Cate?

Yeah, she came by the building,

which I'm glad she did...

because I was having a hell

of a time finding your number.

Were you?

I wanted to say

I was really sorry.

It's my fault that you got fired

and I really want to fix it.

You got fired?

Yeah. I'm sorry, Ma.

I was gonna tell you.

Sorry about what?

Everybody gets fired...

except here...

with Lazlo.

- Let's talk outside.

- Okay.

I can help you find

another job.

My father knows a lot of people.

Look, I'll find something, okay?

It's really not your problem.

But I want to help.

I mean, it's the least I can do.

- My dad has this friend...

- Just stop, all right?

I don't need your help

and I don't need your dad's help.

I can take care of myself

and my family.

Fine. You don't have to be

such a jerk about it.

- I'm not being a jerk about it.

- Yeah, you kind of are.

Okay, what are we doing here?

- Fighting about you being a jerk.

- Seriously.

Henry, I like you.

You know, I really want

to see you again.

I'm sure your mom

would love that.

Look, I don't know

what a guy like me

can possibly hope to offer

someone like you.

I mean, I can't put 100 bucks

on a credit card,

much less take you out to dinner

anywhere but a hot-dog stand.

I like hot dogs.

- I don't really care about that stuff.

- Yeah, well, I do.

And you can't possibly know

what that feels like.

I mean, you're Fifth Avenue

and I'm always gonna be Flatbush.

All right?

I couldn't keep up.

Okay.

You know, there's a reason that people

don't date their doormen.

Maybe you're right.

Have a nice life, Henry O'Shea.

(starts engine)

Sh*t.

All right, little guys,

it's a field trip.

Come on.

All right.

Come on.

Hey eh eh!

She find you?

Hey.

Coma guy,

Scarlett find you?

Yeah, she just left.

- Hi, honey.

- Oh hey, Ma.

Hi. Hey, did your friend leave?

- Yeah, how'd it go?

- She's got beautiful bone structure.

Okay, I don't wanna talk about it.

Okay, you know what?

I didn't spend 14 dollars for a cab...

for "I don't wanna talk about it".

So start talking.

Why? What happened?

I don't wanna talk about it.

- Okay.

- (Grace laughing)

So Henry's really into this rich girl

at his building, right?

So finally she asks him out...

whatever...

and then he gets fired.

For dipping your penis

in the company ink.

Ma, don't talk about

my penis.

I just learned that expression.

I like it.

I don't think that

that's the exact saying.

So that was her in the store?

- Where'd she go?

- I don't know.

She's just gone.

It was never gonna work out.

They're millionaires.

I mean, they've got a car and a driver

and a house in the Hamptons.

They got a Jamaican lady who lives

in their apartment and cooks for them.

I thought she was the maid too, but it

turns out they got another lady for that.

I mean, I was in

their living room the other night...

and above their fireplace

they have a Czanne...

not like a poster,

like a real Czanne.

I mean, these people live

on a different planet.

They don't want me

dating their daughter.

You know? I mean, what?

At best, I'm gonna be a nurse?

My dad wasn't the master of the universe,

he was a plumber.

My mom works in a porn shop,

my sister's a dog walker.

These two worlds don't mix.

Are you done?

Yeah, I guess.

You're done insulting yourself

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