The Goob

1

More! More! More! More! More!

More! More! More! More! More!

Goober! Goober! Goober! Goober!

Goober! Goober! Goober! Goober!

Have a good life, son,

if you can get out of this shithole.

You f***ing twat!

You little bastard!

Come here! F***ing have you!

F***ing have you.

Come on.

Come on, mate.

- Can't breathe.

- Come on, you'll be alright.

You got me with that grit

right in the bollocks.

Levi, stop it.

Behave yourself.

Come on! Ride 'em, cowboy!

And he's waved the flag

and the tape is up!

And they're off! Giddy up!

Go on. You're doing well.

Come on. Come on,

I'll lend you some clothes.

Here. Got something to show you.

Look at that.

Spitting image of your old man.

Good times, eh?

Here.

- What's all this?

- It's my stuff.

Me and Mary split.

Why?

I don't know. Here.

Get that on.

- Oh, my God.

- What?

I bought that bloody shirt.

You shouldn't touch that car.

You know that.

- Are you listening?

- I wasn't touching it.

Yes, you was. I saw you.

You ought to change them clothes.

That's upset Mary.

Do you want gravy all over, love?

Morning, Mary.

- Are you alright?

- It's my eye.

I'm not working all summer

with that twat.

Keep still.

It's gone.

What the hell are you wearing?

Smile, then, you c*nt.

- I've got you now, boy.

- Boys! Food!

F*** that.

I ain't playing happy families.

What d'you see in Levi anyway?

Alright? Cheer up.

Stop! OK.

Looks a mean, mean car, does that.

Anyway, they're...

What'd she say?

She's got your number.

She's gonna see you at the next meet.

Yes! Yes! Come on!

Who's the champion?

- You

- Who's the f***ing champione?

- Womack! Womack!

- Champione!

That's your mother, boys.

Crazy as a motherf***er.

And that's why I f***ing love her.

Don't forget it.

Come here.

There's plenty more

where that's f***ing coming from.

Cos Gene Womack, he don't f***ing lose.

- Champione! Champione!

- Sing it, Janet. Sing it.

I f***ing love it

when you're singing, girl.

Cos you'll be f***ing singing tonight

when I've f***ing finished with...

We need the keys.

He'll f***ing kill us.

They'll be in his trousers.

Come on.

You've got a helmet on.

Do me, you dirty bastard.

Slow down, girl. Oh!

- Say it one more time.

- Do me, you dirty bastard.

- Do me, you dirty bastard.

- Oh, slow. Slow down.

Do me, you dirty bastard.

- Do me, you dirty bastard.

- You little f***er!

F***!

Come here!

F***ing little c*nt.

Do me, you dirty f***ing bastard!

Do me, you dirty bastard!

- Champione!

- Do me, you dirty bastard!

Champions! Champione! Champione!

You f***ing dirty bastard!

F***ing do me! Do me, you dirty bastard!

- Yeah!

- Do me, you dirty bastard!

Sh*t! It's f***ing Womack!

Do me, you dirty bastard!

- Do me, you dirty bastard!

- Rod!

I'd like to be in and out of there

sharpish tonight, if you don't mind.

- What do you mean?

- You know what I mean.

I don't want it to be a long one.

I'm still pissed about the car.

Mary says she's desperate for more work.

She's a right state, you know that.

Well, might help her

keep her mind off things.

You decide.

Doors opening.

Are you coming?

- Wotcher.

- Alright?

Hey.

You alright, my darling?

Gene's gonna be repairing the dorms

now you're laid up.

So Goob's gonna be

helping him now, alright?

I'm going back to the car.

I'm gonna leave in five minutes.

I'd best go.

I'll be back soon, alright, my love?

- Mum says...

- F*** off siding up with that twat.

Hello? Hi, Dee.

Yeah, yeah.

Seven o'clock at the burger bar.

Sounds good. Yeah, OK, then. Bye.

No, there ain't gonna be

no f***ing sevenish

and there ain't gonna

be no f***ing burger bar

until this f***ing hole is dug.

You understand me?

Don't take the piss, Goob.

I'll be back in a couple of hours.

Boo.

Where do you want your tea?

Goob?

Goob!

You coming to the meet?

You on the pull?

Yeah, something like that.

How's Mary?

- Yeah, it's in there.

- It's the same cut spring.

Oi! Oi!

- What do you mean, I can't drive?

- You're not racing, mate.

I've been working on this car

all f***ing week.

There's nothing f***ing wrong

with this car!

No f***ing spring's been cut.

Just listen. Just let me...

No f***ing spring's been cut on this.

- It has been cut.

- Shut the f*** up!

- You need to relax.

- F*** off.

Bunch of f***ing idiots!

- You gotta let him race.

- He can't race, not like that.

- No one's cut 'em.

- F*** it. Come on.

You've cut the springs. You can't race.

- Don't wanna f***ing race.

- You're not racing here ever again.

F*** off.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I thought you were Rod then.

You even smell like him.

- Alright?

- Yeah, I'm good.

- That was quick. What happened?

- I don't know.

I don't know what you'd call it.

Alright, mate?

Battered sausage and chips,

and a Coke, please.

Cheers, mate.

There you go, son.

Get your chops round that.

What are you doing?

I brought him, Janet.

He'd finished the hole.

What the f***'s he doing here?

I told you he weren't to f***ing come.

I've told him. He's now coming.

- How you doing, Gene?

- Don't f***ing Gene me, you pikey c*nt.

- Did you f***ing bring him?

- Yeah.

Yeah, you need to f*** off

right now, boy!

Come on, Goob.

I'll see you.

- Go on, go on. F*** off!

- Goob.

Leave him, Boo. Come on.

Goob, come on.

- What time do you call this?

- I went to the meet.

Womack's a cheating c*nt, in't he?

Levi there?

Goob. What are you doing here?

Hmm?

Hello, Mary.

I just saw your ex at the meet.

Nearly got his f***ing head kicked in.

Go to bed, Goob.

Goob?

Night.

Good night.

Yep, you got it, boy. That's it.

Yeah, drop it, drop it.

This is all about

protecting our assets, boy.

That's it.

Right.

You'll be sleeping light, boy.

Watching. Listening.

Now, if you see anything strange

or hear anything strange, you call me.

You listening, Goob?

F***'s sake.

Why's he all wet?

The boy passed out. I tried to wake him.

We need to get someone in.

We don't have enough cash, Janet

If those boys hadn't f***ed my car,

none of this would be happening.

I've got two boys laid up.

Can't you just give me

an ounce of understanding here?

Just let me find someone.

Alright, Janet.

Just make sure they're cheap, please.

- You one of Harrison's boys?

- Yeah, that's me.

- What's your name, then?

- Elliott.

Porsche?

Yeah, Porsche.

It's a nice colour.

Take that.

Take them.

You've gotta go with it, Gene.

I'm all you've got.

- You like c*nt, Elliott?

- Yeah.

I got a feeling you don't, boy.

You see this patch?

I call this C*nt Walk.

Because in a day or so it's gonna be

crammed full of hot, sweaty p*ssy.

Just the way me and Goober like it.

Ain't that right, Goob?

Go!

F*** me, that's loud, Gene.

There's someone I want you to meet.

F***ing hell!

It's not actually that cold.

- It's alright, innit?

- Well, it's not f***ing warm.

Come on, then.

Geronimo!

Oh, a show-off, yeah?

There you are. Get your hair.

- What you up to later?

- Chillin'. Sure we'll find something.

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