The Grand

Synopsis: An improvisational comedy using a handful of actors playing characters competing in an actual poker tournament.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Zak Penn
Production: Anchor Bay Entertainment
 
IMDB:
6.0
Metacritic:
57
Rotten Tomatoes:
40%
R
Year:
2007
104 min
Website
141 Views


[poker chips rattling]

[cards shuffling]

[Narrating]

My name is Jack Faro,

and I am a professional

poker player.

Now, I do

some other stuff,

but poker,

that's the thing

I do best.

My grandpa was also

a poker player.

He built a casino called

the Rabbit's Foot,

and now I own it.

But this story

isn't about me.

It's not about

me and my grandpa.

If it was, it would be

called Me and My Grandpa,

and it's not called that.

That's a stupid name.

It's the story of six people

playing in a poker tournament,

six people who think they've

got the game figured out.

Motherfuck--

The way I see it,

poker's like some kind

of cosmic metaphor.

Now, don't fade out

on me, here.

It's like even though

the cards fall in

a random order

that you can't

possibly predict,

you can still beat 'em.

That's not true for

a lot of other things.

In or out? In or out?

Isn't there a time limit

on this? Come on.

The twist is that

the six of us,

we're playing

for $10 million,

winner takes all.

So no matter how much

all of us believe

that we can make

our own fate,

the truth is that

only one of us

is going to win,

luck and skill be damned.

That's why

this story is called

Luck and Skill Be Damned.

Sorry. Wait a second.

It's not called that.

It-- It's called The Grand.

[Woman]

Hi, I'm picking up

Jack Faro.

I'm Renee Jensen.

I called.

Right. Um, I just need you

to sign some paperwork,

just releases acknowledging

his medical history

and addictions.

So which ones are his?

Those are all his.

God.

Just sign at the bottom.

He's not going to piss blood

in the limo, is he?

Probably not.

Yeah, he's in and out

so many times,

it just made

more sense for him

to, you know, move in

and make this his home.

Ugh, that's disgusting.

You must be thrilled

to be getting rid of him.

No, actually, I'm not.

I-- I love Jack.

[awkward laugh]

Um, actually,

could you, uh--

could you just give me

a second to talk to Jack?

Um, I'll just--

I'll just take a minute.

How's my favorite

patient doing?

Hello, Dr. Sellers.

How are you?

I'm good.

Hey, before you talk,

I just wanted to, um...

[clears throat]

play a song

I wrote for you.

You wrote a song for me?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd-- I'd love it.

Sit here.

You wrote me a song.

Twelve steps

Twelve steps

Only got 11 more

It's a work in progress.

It's really beautiful.

And you know,

I always say

it's progress,

not perfection.

If you can smoke it

or drink it

or inject it or snort it,

I've done it.

[snickers]

Whoa!

And that really affects

the mental faculties.

Welcome to

the Rabbit's Foot Hotel,

the finest place to--

casino and the-- the fine--

I've been married, uh...

approximately 74 times.

Seems like a lot,

but I loved every

one of them.

I make it a point

to know my employees,

just like

Grandpa Lucky did.

I want to make a point

to know this one for sure.

Uh, hey...Toni.

How-- How long you been

working here?

Nine years.

Ah.

We were married, Jack.

[camera shutter clicks]

[Renee]

I'm still waiting outside.

Hi. Renee Jensen.

Oh, hi.

Your ride's here.

Are you with--

Steve Lavisch?

Steve Lavisch.

Yes, I am.

Okay.

I'm ready to pick you up

if you're ready.

Yeah, I just--

Okay. I actually wanted

to talk to you--

Okay.

...for a second

about that.

Could you give us

one second, please?

Just one second.

Um, what I--

what I came in here

to talk to you about

was in terms of your

feeling like you should

stay or you should go,

it's probably important

that you stay here.

[whispering]

Jack, I don't

like to do this,

but, you know, I don't

want you-- don't go.

Wow.

I have to go now.

I've been here for two years.

I know, but I think--

I think you should stay

for a little--

a little while longer.

I'm going to

call you, okay?

Okay. We should

talk today, though.

I'll call you later.

Yeah.

Or I'll call you.

Well, I mean, this whole

Rabbit's Foot thing,

I gotta-- I gotta shoulder

some of the blame on this,

maybe a lot of the blame.

Okay, now, what you're

experiencing here

is the real deal.

This is the hub

of the wheel,

the headquarters,

the main office...

of the Rabbit's Foot,

pretty much unchanged

from when Lucky was here.

Quite frankly, at times

I was my own worst enemy,

and I didn't do

a good job running it.

I wasn't a good steward.

Yes, I did get thrown

out of my own casino.

I'm not sure how

exactly that happened,

but they do say

that I gave the order.

So when I was,

shall we say,

down and out,

I made an unfortunate deal

with Steve Lavisch.

He took advantage for 6

or 7 million of a bridge loan.

If I don't pay it back,

I lose the Rabbit's Foot.

I don't know

if I could bear that.

[Man #1]

Welcome back to the NAIPL

Tournament of Champions.

[Man #2]

Brought to you

by PartyPoker.net.

I'm Phil Gordon.

And I'm Mike Werbe.

And we're here

at the final table

with heads-up action between

two of poker's greatest minds.

[Mike Werbe]

Harold Melvin

and Daniel Negreanu,

two guys who did not ride

the short bus to school.

I only called 2,000 more

for a pot of 22,000.

I'm getting 11 to 1,

so no matter what

I have, I call.

Even if I have deuce-seven

and you have pocket aces,

that's still

the mathematically

correct play.

You should have gone

all in three hours ago

when your stack

still meant something.

[Mike]

Some harsh comments

from the chip leader.

[chuckling]

Okay. Here, beat that.

[Phil Gordon]

Let's take a peek

at the river.

Terrible catch

for Daniel Negreanu.

Harold makes

the straight.

I was a 2-to-1 underdog,

and the pot paid me 11 to 1.

Not a bad

risk-return ratio.

[laughing awkwardly]

You play poorly.

[blender whirring]

Harold can't cook.

And he's very particular

about what he eats, you know?

Please tell me

this is not gravy.

Oh, you know

it's not gravy.

It's mushroom barley soup--

your favorite, honey.

It's so stupid

that you don't use

more efficient

cooking utensils.

I've lived with my mother

since I was born.

I live with her

because it is convenient

and because it is

difficult for me

to take care of myself.

I'll probably

be stuck with her

for the rest of my life.

Or the rest of her life

because she's

much older than me.

She will die first.

Ruth, if I were

a food critic,

I would give your

cooking five stars--

five stars that if each

collapsed into a black hole

and merged to form

the largest black hole

in the universe.

If I won this tournament,

I would buy a real house

with secret rooms

and shifting

mirrored passageways

and a garden labyrinth,

all of which would serve

to disorient Ruth

and make it more difficult

for her to find me.

The kitchen is such a mess.

I gotta clean it up later.

We used to have a maid.

She lasted two weeks.

Harold couldn't

tolerate her.

[Harold]

I have pet peeves.

I hate stinks.

I hate breath stink,

I hate body stink,

I hate pee stink,

like from when you take

a lot of supplements

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Zak Penn

Zak Penn (born March 23, 1968) is an American screenwriter and director.[1] Penn wrote and directed Incident at Loch Ness and The Grand, and co-wrote the script for X2, X-Men: The Last Stand and the story for The Avengers. With Michael Karnow, Penn is the co-creator of the TV series Alphas on the Syfy network. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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