The Grand Budapest Hotel Page #4

ZERO:

Yes, sir.

M. GUSTAVE

She’s very fond of me, you know.

ZERO:

Yes, sir.

M. GUSTAVE

I’ve never seen her like that before.

ZERO:

No, sir.

15.

M. GUSTAVE

(mildly concerned)

She was shaking like a shitting dog.

ZERO:

(unfamiliar with the expression)

Truly.

M. Gustave holds out the five Klubeck coin, stillstaring off into the distance, and says rapidly thoughdistracted:

M. GUSTAVE

Run to the cathedral of Santa Maria

Christiana in Brucknerplatz. Buy one ofthe plain, half-length candles and takeback four Klubecks in change. Light it inthe sacristy, say a brief rosary, then goto Mendl’s and get me a Courtesan au

chocolat. If there’s any money left, giveit to the crippled shoe-shine boy.

M. Gustave points to a blind child in leg bracescrouched at the top of the funicular tracks. The boywhistles a war march while he polishes a man’s boots.

ZERO:

Right away, sir.

Zero nods briskly and takes the coin. M. Gustave lookssquarely at him for the first time.

M. GUSTAVE

Hold it.

Zero freezes, poised to dash off. M. Gustave frownsslightly. He says finally, pointing:

M. GUSTAVE

Who are you?

ZERO:

(stammering)

Zero, sir. The new Lobby Boy.

M. GUSTAVE

(mystified)

Zero, you say?

ZERO:

Yes, sir.

M. GUSTAVE

Well, I’ve never heard of you. I’ve neverlaid eyes on you. Who hired you?

16.

ZERO:

(worried)

Mr. Mosher, sir.

M. GUSTAVE

(sharply)

Mr. Mosher!

M. Gustave snaps his fingers. A man with neat, oily hairand a thin moustache briskly approaches. He is Mr.

Mosher.

MR. MOSHER

Yes, M. Gustave?

M. GUSTAVE

Am I to understand you’ve surreptitiouslyhired this young man in the position of aLobby Boy?

MR. MOSHER

He’s been engaged for a trial period -pending

your approval, of course.

M. GUSTAVE

(vaguely remembering)

Perhaps. Thank you, Mr. Mosher.

MR. MOSHER

You’re most welcome, M. Gustave.

M. Gustave looks back to Zero. He says ominously:

M. GUSTAVE

You’re now going to be officiallyinterviewed.

INT. LOBBY. DAY

M. Gustave strides through the front doors. Zero isquickly at his heels, terrified. M. Gustave withdraws asmall note-book from his pocket as they walk. Zero asks,

uncertain:

ZERO:

Should I go and light the candle first?

M. GUSTAVE

(not sure what he means)

What? No.

(starting the interview)

Experience?

17.

ZERO:

(anxious, very formal)

Hotel Kinski, Kitchen Boy, six months.

Hotel Berlitz, Mop and Broom Boy, threemonths. Before that I was a Skillet

Scrubber in the banquet hall at -

M. GUSTAVE

(noting this)

Experience:
zero.

At this moment, a criss-crossing group of peoplesimultaneously engage M. Gustave all at once. They are:

a man in a finely-tailored business suit with a pair ofopera tickets in his hand, a doorman in a long coatholding a bouquet of white roses, and a tiny bellboy.

(This is Anatole.)

HOTEL GUEST NO.1

Thank you again, M. Gustave.

M. GUSTAVE

(curtly to Anatole)

Straighten that cap, Anatole.

(warmly to the hotel guest)

The pleasure is mine, Herr Schneider.

ANATOLE:

(working on it)

The damn strap’s busted.

M. GUSTAVE

(studying the roses)

These are not acceptable.

DOORMAN:

I agree, M. Gustave.

Suddenly, M. Gustave and Zero are alone again. M.

Gustave resumes his interrogation as they proceed acrossthe carpet:

M. GUSTAVE

Education?

ZERO:

(worried)

I studied reading and spelling. Icompleted my primary school certificate.

I almost started -

M. GUSTAVE

(noting this)

Education:
zero.

18.

A second criss-crossing group of people now engage M.

Gustave. This time: a very old washroom attendantcarrying a monkey-wrench, the head waiter wearing anapron and waving a menu, and a woman of a certain age ina beautifully-embroidered dress with a small dachshundcradled in her arms.

WASHROOM ATTENDANT

Now it’s exploded.

M. GUSTAVE

(sweetly to the dachshund)

Good morning, Cicero.

(coldly to the washroom attendant)

Call the goddamn plumber.

HOTEL GUEST NO.2

(flirtatious)

This afternoon, M. Gustave?

HEAD WAITER:

(angrily)

What in the hell is this?

M. GUSTAVE

(equally flirtatious)

Without fail, Frau Liebling.

(sharply to the head waiter)

Not now!

The second interruption ends. M. Gustave continues:

M. GUSTAVE

Family?

ZERO:

(long pause)

Zero.

M. GUSTAVE

(noting this)

I see.

M. Gustave leads Zero through a rotunda, below a grand,

winding staircase, and back into the elevator. He closeshis note-book. The elevator operator awaits instruction.

M. GUSTAVE

Six.

The elevator operator throws a lever and they begin toascend. M. Gustave locks eyes with Zero.

M. GUSTAVE

Why do you want to be a Lobby Boy?

19.

The elevator operator casts a side-ways look. Zerosearches for the honest answer -- then finds it:

ZERO:

Well, who wouldn’t -- at the Grand

Budapest, sir? It’s an institution.

M. GUSTAVE

(deeply impressed)

Very good.

INT. SITTING ROOM. DAY

M. Gustave and Zero re-enter Madame D’s suite. M.

Gustave walks directly over to a pedestal where anenvelope waits tucked beneath a vase. He tears it openand withdraws a letter and a stack of bills folded in

half. He counts the money and says coolly:

M. GUSTAVE

A thousand Klubecks.

ZERO:

(astonished)

My goodness.

M. Gustave skims the letter. He holds it up for Zero tosee. There is a lipstick-kiss at the bottom of the text.

Zero is unsure how to interpret this. M. Gustave raiseshis eyebrows and tucks the note and the bills inside hisjacket. His eyes glaze over in a moment of reverie. Hesighs. Zero makes a sudden realization:

ZERO:

Were you ever a Lobby Boy, sir?

M. GUSTAVE

(bristling but playful)

What do you think?

ZERO:

(speculative)

Well, I suppose you had to start -

M. GUSTAVE

Go light the goddamn candle.

TITLE:

One Month Later

INT. LOBBY. DAY

The crowded room buzzes in all corners. Zero circulates

among tables and sofas holding up a folded telegramwhile he calls out a name, searching. A military officer

20.

in a grey uniform hails him, and Zero dashes over todeliver the missive.

MR. MOUSTAFA (V.O.)

And so, my life began. Junior Lobby Boy(in-training), Grand Budapest Hotel,

under the strict command of M. Gustave H.

I became his pupil, and he was to be mycounselor and guardian.

M. GUSTAVE (V.O.)

(rhetorical)

What is a Lobby Boy?

MONTAGE:

Zero pushes an old man in a wheelchair. Zero arranges awhite bouquet. Zero replaces dirty ashtrays, rearrangesfurniture, and shields a large woman with a toothpickfrom view as she excavates between her teeth.

M. GUSTAVE (V.O.)

A Lobby Boy is completely invisible, yetalways in sight. A Lobby Boy rememberswhat people hate. A Lobby Boy anticipatesthe client’s needs before the needs are

needed. A Lobby Boy, above all, isdiscreet, to a fault.

CUT TO:

M. Gustave, accompanied by Zero, advancing down acorridor at high velocity. On the floor next to eachdoor they pass, a pair of shoes waits to be polished.

M. GUSTAVE

Our guests’ know their deepest secrets,

some of which are, frankly, ratherunseemly, will go with us to our graves --

so keep your mouth shut, Zero.

ZERO:

Yes, sir.

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