The Grand Seduction

When I was a boy, Tickle Head

was a proud fishing harbour.

Back then, people from Tickle Head

were strong, dignified, brave.

Their days were filled with purpose.

By no means was this life

for the faint at heart,

for the weak or the lazy.

But as I look back now,

I can truly say...

life was a thing of beauty.

My father would labour 14 hours

a day till his hands were raw,

risking life and limb,

fighting the merciless sea,

all to put food on the table,

a roof over our heads,

warmth in our stove.

At day's end, my father

glowed with pride

because he knew, deep

down, he'd earned it.

He earned every precious, beautiful

moment life gave back to him.

'Cause he knew his hard

work made him worthy,

worthy of the cod on his plate,

the smell of the salt on his skin,

worthy of the stars in the sky.

Oh, Ernest!

Alice!

The whole harbour was worthy of

every consequence of happiness.

There were even some who believed

they were more worthy than others.

True happiness.

Meow!

Meow! Meow!

Murray, stop buggin' the cat.

- Mornin', Anne.

- Hey, how's it going?

Ah!

- Mornin', Sammy.

- Thanks.

Mornin', Seez.

Heya, Frankie.

There you are, my love.

Thanks, Kath.

Mornin', Murray.

Thank you, and Mr. Pelley asked

me to pick up his welfare cheque.

There you go.

- Thank you.

- Have a good one.

- Catch you later.

- Mornin', Joe.

Thank you. Wonderful.

There you go. Have a nice day,

and don't forget the town meeting, okay?

- Thanks, Henry.

- Next.

This is my cheque, and this

is Mr. Pelley's cheque.

Murray, now, we've been through this.

I've explained this to you...

We go through this every month.

- I could lose my job.

- You will not lose your job.

You have seen Mr. Pelley's

power of attorney.

It's fraudulent!

- This is totally legal.

- This is illegal!

Thanks.

And don't forget the town

meeting, okay? Next.

Hey.

- My brother called.

- Oh yeah?

- How's he doing?

- Good.

There's a job available

in St. John's.

Of course! You prefer to stay here.

This is our home.

You prefer to stay here and

live like thieves, Murray.

- Thieves?

- You steal from the cable company!

- You rigged up our electrical box!

- That wasn't on purpose.

You sell the salmon you

catch in your herring nets

and you're still cashing that second

illegal welfare cheque every month.

Illegal?

This is a power of attorney.

It is written in black and white.

It is my duty and moral obligation

to pick up and to deposit

Mr. Pelley's welfare cheque.

It is Mr. Pelley himself who wrote

this particular power of attorney.

Mr. Pelley has given me a mission.

Mr. Pelley's dead.

Not in the government registry.

Until Mr. Pelley is dead

everywhere, I have a moral duty.

Murray, why does this always

have to be your decision?

'Cause I'd be the one

who'd be workin'!

This job is for me, Murray.

I'd be the one who'd be workin'.

- Murray...

- It's the town meeting.

Murray...

What am I gonna tell my brother?

Murray!

- Where is everyone?

- Stuck in traffic.

Murray?

Murray? This is quite the surprise.

Shag off.

All right.

Now, the company is still considering

our proposal for the factory.

So I offered them a full tax

exemption to sweeten the deal.

Uh... tax exemption? Why would

you give them a full tax exemption?

I mean, 2% less than Port

Anne would've enticed them.

Enticed them? Enticed them?

Henry, I didn't want to entice

them, I wanted to blind them!

I wanted to blind them so they wouldn't

notice the gaping holes in our bid.

Yeah but a full tax exemption?

But that's not the problem

anyway, 'cause...

- But for how many years?

- Forever, Henry, forever.

- 'Cause the real problem is...

- But I...

Forever! I offered them

full tax exemption forever

and I threw in your

daughter's virginity.

What the hell are you talkin' about?

Oh, Henry, Tom is pulling your leg. Everyone

knows Lucy gave that away long ago.

Look, the tax exemption and his

daughter's virginity are irrelevant.

Why?

The company insurance requires that

the town have a resident doctor.

No doctor, no factory.

So why don't...

Let's just get a doctor.

We've been looking for eight

friggin' years, Murray!

Well, let's stop lookin'

and start findin'!

You're our mayor, right?

You're "the" guy.

I know you can do this!

You said you would and you will!

What would Barb be doin' in town?

She won't be going to town.

Well, if she goes, though.

If she goes,

where will it leave you?

- What do you mean?

- Well, she'll be working.

Where will that leave you?

What will be your role?

You'll become the new

little missus, I guess.

I guess you'll be shopping

and doing the cooking,

laundry and the gossiping.

They... they sometimes like to

do arts and crafts together.

They do yoga sessions.

Oh my God, you'll love yoga, boy.

Great for the posture.

She'll be the new boss,

in a sexual perspective now.

Who'll be doing the driving?

She won't be goin' to town.

Come on, now! Another tune!

Farewell darling

And don't you grieve for me...

Murray!

- Lizzy, grab the box.

- With all that stuff?

Yes, grab the bottom.

Okay.

Oh, thank you, darlin'.

- Murray!

- What's goin' on?

Holidays.

Holiday?

With your furniture?

I got a job in town.

You knows what it's like, Murray.

And young Lizzie there

desperately needs braces.

You can't do it here so...

She's got horrible teeth.

- She's got her mother's teeth.

- Thank you, Tom.

Honey, you know what I mean.

- Of course, I'm ugly.

- Sheryl!

- At least she doesn't have your ears.

- Don't start with my ears!

What about the factory, Mr. Mayor?

Enjoy your holiday, buddy.

You leavin' me?

I'm not leavin' you, Murray.

I'm goin' to work.

We're this close to

gettin' a doctor.

I don't like what

we've become, Murray.

These are tough times.

It's not the times.

It's us. I don't recognize us.

Barb!

This is it, Simon.

This is it. I'm leavin'.

Will you come visit me in town?

Nope.

Simon.

- I'm afraid of flyin'.

- Yeah, well, drive down.

I don't drive.

I'm serious. I'm gonna need you to

come visit me from time to time.

I won't.

Take the bus.

I do not know how to take the bus.

Well, then how do you go to town?

I've never been to town.

- Never?

- No.

You've never been to town?

Nope!

Lucky dog.

Lucky dog.

Welcome to St. John's

International Airport.

For passengers making

a connecting flight...

No, no...

Okay, no, I'm not still drunk.

No, I'm not.

Babe, honestly, I don't know

what else to say. I said I'm sorry.

I'll say it again, I'm sorry.

I unfortunately missed my flight.

I just paid an astronomical

amount of money

to get on the next, which I will.

I have 35 minutes to

make my connection.

Bye, Paul.

- Hey, boss.

- Hey.

Hold on one sec.

- Can I get you to go this way, please?

- What?

- Just over this way.

- No, no, no, sir.

- This way, sir.

- I got a connection.

Just over here, sir.

Right. That's awesome. This is good.

Shorts.

That's a shirt.

Those are, uh, cricket balls.

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