The Great Hip Hop Hoax Page #9

I wasn't putting up with it any more.

"We'll speak soon. "

We never spoke soon.

I didn't want to see him again,

I didn't want to hear about his family,

I didn't want to hear anything.

I honestly didn't care

if he was alive or dead.

It felt like he'd left me for dead,

so why should I care about him?

Everything you've ever dreamed of,

and then all of a sudden

one of your best friends,

who you've known forever

and did all this with vanished

and won't even talk to you.

The rest of the boys

have kind of disappeared that way,

Charlotte and Jonathan stopped

taking your phone calls,

the label doesn't put you as a priority.

I mean, he lost everything.

Even Del, Del was struggling

to take my phone calls, you know?

Even Shalit was like,

"You're a group", you know?

"You're a group.

You're a double act.

"I don't deal with just one of you. "

I would have no interest in seeing

Mick Jagger in concert on his own.

I wouldn't be interested in seeing

Keith Richards on his own.

But together, Mick Jagger

and Keith Richards are amazing

in the Rolling Stones.

Same with Billy and Gavin.

Together, they were brilliant.

Separate, they were worthless.

I was just left with

bottles of Co-codamol,

taking little snoots for a while.

There is a period of those months

that I literally have no memory of,

because I was just

in a kind of coma.

Suspended animation.

Two years of playing a role,

acting like somebody else,

can do that to anybody.

Some points it was like,

"Where does Gavin Bain begin

"and where does Brains...?"

It was just so strange.

I don't think they realised

how far they'd got themselves

into these personas.

And how hard it would be

to get back out.

I was sitting alone one night

in a completely empty house.

All the money had gone, spent.

I was watching Muse on TV

headline Reading.

They were at the studio and we were

brushing shoulders with them

and there was a vibe

around that time

that we were going to be

the next big thing.

And it just hit me, like,

we were on that same road, you know?

I was just drinking,

drinking and drinking.

The ghosts of all these naked chicks

running around, no more.

Our poster still up on the wall.

F***, you know?

Now I'm that guy from that group

that's no longer.

I could always say it's us telling

this lie, and now it was just me.

I heard this really loud thump,

and I thought, "What's that?"

I went upstairs and I just heard

the strangest sound

that I've ever heard.

And Gavin was, like,

slumped in the bathroom,

and I was like, "What are you doing?

Are you drunk again?"

It was horrible. It was...

Everything just flashed before

my eyes.

I like to think that he didn't mean

to take too many,

that it was just, you know,

he forgot how many he was taking.

That's what I told the doctors,

anyway.

But, yeah, he just got so deep,

so dark that he didn't want

to stay around.

It was just very hard.

When we came back from London,

I hated Gav.

I didn't want to hear from him,

I didn't want to talk to him.

It was just the best feeling,

to be away, to be free,

and not have this pressure

of having to keep the pretence going.

It didn't take me a week, it didn't

take me a month, it didn't take me

a year to think, "I wish I was still

doing that, this is so hard. "

It was literally door closed,

move on, that was it.

Scotland is a very proud nation.

We're sort of a nation

of almosts and maybes.

I've always been proud

of being Scottish,

I am proud of being Scottish.

That's essentially why we did it

in the first place.

I don't think you really appreciate

growing up somewhere

until you've actually left it,

and then you want to come back to it.

What would you like? Cereal or egg

or what? Or omelette? -Omelette.

Brandon, yours is nearly ready.

I hope you're sitting down nice.

Brandon is six and Travis is two.

Both going on 18, I think.

I've just had it done,

so it's still healing.

That's actually Brandon's hand

that I've got there.

And then I got a link

to go through it,

like the "family first" thing

goes all the way across.

I don't want to go to school.

You don't want to school? Why?

I'm a million miles away from

what we did as Silibil n' Brains,

these kids running riot in London.

I've grown up, you know,

and sometimes you have to

let go of that and grow up.

Become yourself.

- How's it going?

- Where you going? The Bruce?

Got your pass? -I do, yeah.

I'm an equipment operator offshore,

on a rig, in the oil industry.

He works in the North Sea. Gosh.

It wasn't a dream, it was wanting to

financially provide for a family.

I don't think

I could be any further away

from the sort of music lifestyle

that we had before.

It's something completely different,

something I'd never imagined

me doing.

Whatever happened in London

I'm not actually

that bothered about any more.

It was so long ago.

It's not going to change the way I

feel about Billy. It's in the past.

I don't need it any more in my life.

I believe that Gavin does.

He still chasing it,

he still wants that.

Silibil n' Brains had a crazy ride.

I haven't left yet because

I don't think I've achieved

what my endgame was.

I'm here until the endgame.

I don't need to have another MC

next to me.

I can do this on my own.

Me being Brains McCloud only ended

about six, seven months ago.

If I was looking at Gavin Bain

from Brains' eyes,

I was a complete failure,

why would I want to go and be

a complete failure again?

The industry is

kind of closing down to me,

but the social aspects were still

there for that character.

If anything, that's the only thing

I kind of had at that point.

One minute I'm hanging with big

famous people, doing shows with D12,

the next minute I'm on the dole in

f***ing Palmers Green in London.

I was just hanging out with girls,

trying to get laid,

going out and getting wasted

and f***ed up.

Little bit tipsy! Sure!

Everything I was doing was trying to

validate who this character was.

My sister was always kind of like,

"Why are you still Brains?"

Like, "Come back to being you. "

First gig back,

I couldn't go on stage.

I'd used the fact it was

the kind of comeback

of this "Brains", American rapper,

to fill the venue.

I felt like I couldn't move my legs.

I was like, "Who am I?

Who do I go on stage as?"

I just said, "I'm Gavin Bain. I'm

not Brains McCloud. I'm Scottish.

"I've never been in America. "

It was the strangest reaction

to a first song I've ever had

from any crowd. It was just kind

of like, "What did you say before?"

I got hugged, I got slapped.

I spoke to Dan Miller from Sony,

and he was like, "You motherf***er. "

It was shocking at first.

And then it kind of hit me, and

I thought, that is f***ing genius.

Because they never dropped it once.

And you know, you've no reason

not to believe.

There's still loads of people

who don't know.

Where are you from?

You're lying.

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