The Great McGinty Page #3

you'd get a very low type of people

in politics, men without ambition.

Especially since you can't rob the people.

Sure.

How is that?

What you rob, you spend,

what you spend goes back to the people.

So where's the robbery?

I read that in a book.

That book should be in every home.

- What a racket.

- Not what I...

You shut up!

Quit sucking your clackers, you.

And don't rub that on the carpet.

Now get outta here.

All of you.

Get me Jarvis.

I suppose you saw the afternoon paper.

They cut down good trees

to print stuff like that on them.

Look, Jonas...

we need a new face.

Clean, typical American.

Upright, dependable.

Somebody they don't know too much about.

What do you think of McGinty?

The alderman.

Never heard of him?

Well, that's just what I'm talking about.

- So long.

- McGinty. McGinty, wait a minute.

McGinty, please.

- Back in a little while.

- Yes, Mr McGinty.

Just a minute, McGinty. McGinty.

McGinty!

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

This guy will pay two and a quarter,

this Maxwell.

- No.

- I just left him.

That's the only good news I heard all day.

Now, listen.

Do you want to be reform mayor?

- What do you mean?

- What do you think it means?

Don't make me say anything twice,

I'm irritated today.

I said, "Do you want to be reform mayor?"

The mayor of this city?

What have you got to do

with the Reform Party?

- I am the Reform Party. Who do you think?

- Since when?

Since always. In this town I'm all the parties.

I'm not going to starve

every time they change administrations.

Well, then, where does Jarvis come in

with his Purity League?

Don't ask me so many questions.

I ask if you want to be reform mayor,

you can give me a plain answer.

Well... sure. I guess so.

All right. You're in.

You'll have to kiss a lot of babies,

squeeze a lot of mitts.

Wear your old clothes.

They don't want no dudes after Tillinghast.

I'll tell Jarvis about it.

Oh. Another thing.

You gotta get married right away.

What do you mean, "get married"?

What do you think it means?

Don't make me say everything twice again,

will you? Women got the vote now.

Maybe you didn't hear about it.

They don't like bachelors.

Well, if they don't like them,

they can lump them.

- What's the matter with you? Are you nuts?

- No. I'm playing hard to get.

Daniel, don't you know what marriage is?

Don't you know that marriage

has always been the most beautiful...

the most beautiful setup between the sexes.

Don't you know that a man without a wife

is like a...

like a coat without the pants,

like a pig without a poke.

Why, the marriage is the most, the most...

All right. Why don't you try it?

Because I ain't running for mayor.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I ain't neither.

Poke that in your pig.

He wants me to get married right away.

How do you like that?

Married? What for?

Because the women

don't vote for single men.

The guy wants me to run for mayor.

- Reform mayor.

- But that's wonderful, Mr McGinty.

- Where's the bourbon?

- Under E.

I'm so happy for you. We must drink to it.

I'll get some ice.

Yeah. Wonderful!

Wonderful in a pig's foot!

We'll have more fun than a barrel

of monkeys. If you'll take me with you.

What are you talking about?

I told him to go fly a kite.

Catch me telling some rib

where I've been at two in the morning.

How did you get the lip rouge on your hat,

Oscar?

- I don't think it's so bad as all that.

- Listen, I know all about it.

My parents was married.

Not gonna catch me

walking the floor all night

with an armload of little ones screaming.

- You mightn't have any.

- What do you mean?

They never had less than eight

on either side of my family. Usually 12.

I don't want to go into that, of course,

Mr McGinty, but they don't yell so much.

- Anyway, it sounds like music to the father.

- I don't like music neither.

It's entirely up to you, of course, Mr McGinty.

I don't care any more about marriage

than you do,

but I'd think twice before I turned down

an opportunity like you have.

You'd widen all the parades, welcome all

the potentates, lay all the cornerstones.

Yeah, in a silk hat. The municipal bricklayer.

It just seems so wonderful to me because

it's beyond anything I could ever hope for.

And because I'm so interested

in your career, Mr McGinty.

- You're a sort of favourite of mine.

- Thanks.

But if you think I'll get hitched to some dame

I don't even know -

- What about Miss Lucy Dangerfield?

- In spades, that dame.

Well...

I'd be willing to do it for you, Mr McGinty.

Hm?

You see, I don't want to get married either.

I feel the same way you do about it.

This way we'd both be protected

because there's always someone

who wants you to marry them.

We'd never have to see each other

except to be photographed outside city hall.

I could run your house and make speeches

for you at the women's clubs,

be your wife in everything

except when we were alone.

You see, I... I've already been married.

- What's that got to do with it?

- Hm?

If that's Lucy, tell her I'll be a little late.

- I gotta think this over.

- Yes, sir.

Hello.

Well?

Does he have to drive that way?

He's kinda nervous.

He don't want the boys to eat everything up

before he gets there.

- I ordered a small feed for you, a blowout.

- Oh, but...

- You like caviar?

- Yes, of course.

And borscht with sour cream. Schaschlik.

And more booze

than you've ever seen in your life.

- This is going to be some schmeer.

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

It's wonderfully kind of you but I can't come.

Why not?

- I'm expected home.

- I didn't have time to explain.

- What kind of a wedding is this?

- Can't you come for a little while?

- I can't. It's almost six o'clock...

- Send her home in a taxi. There's plenty...

She can go home in any rig she wants to,

and you keep your big trap shut.

Listen.

- Come on, boys, not on the wedding day.

- Please...

And what a wedding!

- Here, doggy.

- Will you quit wriggling?

I want waggy dog.

Lay off that dog

while you're clean and sweet.

Wouldn't hurt to give him a bath either.

Pee-ew. Duck yourself in that now.

- I'll see you at the office tomorrow.

- Thank you so much for bringing me home.

Would you like to come up

and see where I live?

Well, I really oughta be getting down there.

- One of us oughta be there.

- Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Oh, let 'em wait.

Sure I'll come up and have a drink with you.

- You stick right there, buddy.

- Yes, sir.

Oh.

Mr McGinty.

- Yeah?

- I er...

- I did tell you I was married before, didn't I?

- Sure. What about it?

Nothing.

I never can find this key.

I divorced him on grounds of desertion.

I don't know where he is

and I don't care either.

You oughta put it on a little chain

and hook it on the bag.

Be a good idea, wouldn't it? Something else

I probably should have told you before...

I don't see that it makes

the slightest difference, do you?

Here it is.

Do you like gin or...

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