The Great Muppet Caper

Pretty nice up here, isn't it?

- Kermit?

- Huh?

What if we drift out to sea?

What if we're never heard from again?

What if there's a storm...

or we get struck by lightning?

That would be neat.

Listen, nothing will happen.

- This is just the opening credits.

- Oh.

Where are they?

Wow!

''The Great Muppet Caper.''

Nice title.

I'd like to try this

without the balloon.

Try what? Plummeting?

Yeah.

I suppose you could try it once.

Kermit, how long

are these opening credits?

just about another minute or so.

My ears are popping.

I wonder how far you could plummet

before you blacked out?

Don't try it, Gonzo.

We need you for this movie.

Sure is tempting.

What does '' B.S.C.'' stand for?

I don't know.

A lot of people worked on this movie.

This is nothing.

Wait till you see the end credits.

- Are the credits over?

- Not quite.

Nobody reads those names anyway,

do they?

Sure. They all have families.

That's it.

The sky is clear.

So, okay. Now what do we do?

How does this movie start?

We just pull that rope.

Yes, sir.

We're going down!

Heads up, below!

What a fantastic beginning.

There'll be spectacle

There'll be fantasy

There'll be derring-do

and stuff like you would never see

- Hey, a movie

- Yeah, we're gonna be a movie

-Starring everybody

-And me

There'll be heroes, bold

There'll be comedy

And a lot of fuss

that ends for us real happily

We can watch it all develop

-Starring everybody

-And me

We'll take the world

and set it on its ear

Come on,join in

We're gonna start right here

It's okay.

I landed on my head.

Come on!

Wait, you!

Hold it!

- Go ahead, Kermit.

- Thank you.

In this film, me and Fozzie

play crack investigative reporters...

for the Daily Chronicle...

and Gonzo is our photographer.

It will be terrific.

I wish I were you people

seeing this for the first time.

What? Wow?

- There'll be crooks and cops

- There'll be villainy

But with us on call

we'll fix it all real easily

Wow, it's gonna be terrific

-Starring everybody

-And me

Now all we need, guys,

is an exciting photo story.

Right this way, young lady.

I'll take a picture

of this chicken.

Beautiful.

- That's great, Gonzo.

- Yeah. Smile, chicky babe.

My jewels!

That man stole my jewels!

Help!

Look up. You want to make

the front pages or not?

- I got a great picture of the chicken.

- Good.

There'll be mystery and catastrophe

But it's all in fun

You paid your money

Wait and see

Is there any way to stop it?

Starring everybody

Everybody and

Me

How could you miss

a story like that?

It was right under your noses. It

practically bit you. There's no excuse.

I guess this would be the wrong time

to ask for a raise?

''A raise''?

I'll give you a raise.

You read these headlines?

''Jewel heist on Main Street.''

That's nice bold print, isn't it?

Yes, it's very easy to read.

- Shut up now.

- Sorry.

'' Lady Holiday's jewels stolen.''

That's what it said in the Times.

And here's the Herald.

'' Fashion queen of London robbed.''

And last, but not least--

Here's our cute little banner story.

''Identical twins

join the Chronicle staff.''

Now, I ask you,

what paper would you buy?

I read the one that has '' Dear Abby.''

Gee, Mr. Tarkanian...

we thought identical twins

working on a newspaper...

would make an interesting story.

- Yeah.

- It doesn't.

Especially since you two guys

don't look anything alike!

That's because

Fozzie's not wearing his hat.

- Fozzie, put your hat back on.

- Yes, sir.

See?

Yeah, I see it now.

But that's still no excuse

for blowing a story.

- We'll do better next time.

- '' Next time''?

What makes you think

there will be a next time?

If there isn't,

it will be a real short movie.

The only reason I hired you two jerks

was because your old man was my friend.

- Dad spoke well of you too.

- I'm as sentimental as the next guy.

That's why I don't want him

to hear this. You're fired.

- Take that thing off the ceiling.

- Yeah, but Mr. Tarkanian--

- Gonzo.

- Check.

Won't you listen to reason, sir?

I'm not listening to anything,

and I'm not giving you your job back.

I don't want you to give us anything.

We just want to go to England

and talk to Lady Holiday...

the woman who was robbed.

We'll catch those jewel thieves for you.

All you have to do

is pay our way to London.

Is that all I have to do?

We could use some new luggage

for the trip.

Luggage? Look, beat it.

I have a deadline to meet.

- But how will we get to London?

- I'll tell you what, Fozzie.

Since you're such an investigative

reporter, you figure it out.

I'm Fozzie.

Oh, yeah, the hat.

Stop the presses!

Why? What happened?

I don't know.

I've always wanted to say that.

Boy, it must be 50 below in here.

You're lucky.

You have fur.

No, you're the one with the fur.

Turn on your light and see for yourself.

Oh, yeah.

I keep mixing us up.

I think I'll read for a while.

I wish I had a book.

Can you reach the call button?

- I'm hungry.

- They don't serve food in ninth class.

What? Twelve dollars,

and you don't even get a meal?

Could you guys keep it down?

I'm trying to watch the movie.

- Somebody's coming.

- Maybe they're bringing hamburgers.

- All out for England.

- Great. The plane is landing.

The plane?

No, the plane lands in Italy.

- You land in England.

- What?

What's happening?

Geronimo!

For once the forecast was right.

It said it was going to rain

cats and dogs.

- No, we're bears and frogs.

- And Gonzos.

Whatever you are, whoever you are,

welcome to Great Britain.

We're actually in Great Britain.

We'll never get to England now.

You are in England,

my furry friend.

This sceptred isle,

this jewel of the North Atlantic.

Good. We're going to London.

Could you recommend a nice hotel?

- Actually, a cheap hotel.

- How cheap?

- Free.

- That narrows the field a bit.

Let's see.

'' Places where you can park

your carcasses:

bus terminals, riverbanks...

the Happiness Hotel--''

Happiness Hotel?

That sounds great.

What's wrong with bus terminals?

Thanks a lot for your help, sir.

Guys, this is London.

Yeah, London.

We made it. Oh, boy!

- Is that the Eiffel Tower?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Are bears allowed in those fountains?

- What?

- Are bears allowed in those fountains?

- I don't think so.

- I need a bath.

This is terrific.

Wow, look at this scenery.

Yeah, it's very realistic.

- What's the name of this river?

- I don't know.

I think it's the English River.

I'll take a picture of it.

Say cheese.

Did I get my elbow in the shot?

- Don't worry. It adds human interest.

- But I'm a bear.

Anyone for the Happiness Hotel?

- Happiness Hotel.

- That's us.

- Yes, we want the Happiness Hotel.

- Yeah.

Wow.

Another crash landing.

That was terrible.

We'll just have to do it again.

Oh, look. The Happiness Hotel.

What do you think, guys?

Oh, look. The Happiness Hotel.

What do you think, guys?

If that's the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate

to see what the sad one looks like.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote