The Grey Matter

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Oh my God.

That is quite a nasty gash you've got here.

You're lucky your brains didn't fall out

onto the concrete.

It's okay.

Ah.

We'll patch you up and have you back on

your feet in a heartbeat.

Okay.

Whew.

Thank you.

My God.

Oh my God.

I appreciate it...

I was...

Oh wait?

This didn't really happen did it?

No.

No, it did not.

Um, excuse me.

Am I reading this correctly?

If I refuse the health coverage I will receive

and extra $1500 a year in payment?

That is correct, but I don't recommend refusing

coverage.

It only ends up being an extra $28 a paycheck.

Pssst.

Hey working stiff?

Keep dreaming, nerd.

Nooo.

I'm just... taking in the scenery.

You know?

She will eat you alive!

You can't handle a chick like that!

You've got to say within your league.

My League?

Yeah, you know... frumpy, pleasantly plump,

three time divorcees.

Do not go wasting your brain cells thinking

about Emily Eaton.

Cause if I'm not taking a bite out of that

sweet pie, you most certainly are not.

What?

Hey, are you using the copier?

Oh my God!

Are you okay?

Well, did you cut yourself?

Here let me see...

No. No. No. It's a nick!

Really. It's nothing.

Don't worry about. Don't worry about it.

Don't worry...

I don't bite.

Ahhh, You see... no big deal.

Just a... scare.

Thank God.

I thought we were emergency room bound for

sure.

I'm Emily.

Simon.

Have we met before?

No.

Umm...

Maybe... ahh... one or two times in passing...

maybe.

Simon

Oh. Yeah. No, I know.

You do look familiar.

Yeeeeaaaah...

T.G.I.F. right?

Ah? What?

You know, you're not like all the other

stiffs at this place.

Ah.

Well.

Yeah.

I'm afraid if you were to look up "office

stiff" in the dictionary... you'd be looking

at a nice picture of "moi".

You're funny.

Well.

It was nice meeting you...

again, Simon.

I promise you I'll remember you the next

time I see you.

When will that be?

You tell me.

Okay.

Emily.

Really?

A text?

So cold and lifeless.

Who's there?

Hello?

You won't find me there.

I'm in your head, man.

Okay.

Stress related.

Okay...

Emily...

Wrong hole.

Ah.

I'm losing my mind.

You've lost it, alright.

STOP IT!

Now I just want to talk to you.

STOP IT!

Give you some pointers.

You know, with the girl and everything.

Now, what you've got to do is ask yourself...

How would I have gotten in your head?

Bingo.

This is crazy.

What were you expecting a grasshopper with

a top hat?

The police are just now putting a face to

the cannibalistic attack where eyewitnesses

say a man was seen gnawing on someone else's

head at a local bar.

A witness who saw it all described it as a

gory scene, like something straight out of

a zombie movie.

Whoo hoo!

We killed it last night!

Woah!

I feel like death today though.

You look even worse than I feel.

Mitch what are you doing here?

You were dead tired so I let you crash here.

Plus, you were in no condition to go anywhere

last... night.

I must have blacked out.

Is this blood?

Is this blood?!

Am I bleeding?!

Yeah.

You were out of your skull, man.

You were trying to bite my hat.

Arrgggh!!

You were a WILD BEAST!

It was awesome.

Oh my God.

I don't know how?

But somehow... you...

managed to get Emily to agree to go on a date...

with you.

What?

Brother, check your phone.

Give me that!

Look at it.

Holy sh*t!

We're going out tonight!

You better get a taste of that sweet little

thing.

No.

You've got to ah...

You've got to get out of here.

I've got a million things to do.

But...

I'm... ah...

I'll call you.

But this is my place.

Sorry.

Tonight is the night!

You finally get to taste that juicy pink deliciousness.

Would you stop already?

You're so crude.

You don't mind me hitting these leftovers

up, right?

No. knock yourself out.

I've got to be honest, I was getting a bit

tired of eating just your brains.

What is it that you want exactly?

I just want to help you.

Guide you.

Give you advice.

You know, be your friend and stuff.

Yeah.

Well... you're not my friend.

You're a parasite.

Wait.

Wait.

That hurts my feelings.

I'm trying really hard here to make this

relationship of ours, a symbiotic one.

Well, eating my brains does not count as a

symbiotic relationship.

Well, you weren't using it.

Look. Look.

Look, all I'm saying is I know you want

this girl and I'm telling you, I can help.

Oh yeah?

What this sage romantic advice from the magic

maggot?

Really?

Do you have to be such a dick?

My name happens to be Brian, not like you

bothered to ask or anything.

I'm sorry, Brian.

Now here's what you do.

Now, I like to start with some simple physical

contact... nothing too aggressive.

Maybe your hand accidentally brushes past

her hair.

You tell her how nice she smells.

You inch your way closer.

Moving in for the kill.

The next thing you know... you're sucking

face.

Oh, come on!

Does that really work?

Well, not for me personally, but I keep my

finger on the pulse.

You don't have a finger.

Yeah, Well, you don't have a pulse.

Good one.

You do realize that you need a properly functioning

vascular system in order to perform the physical

act of love, right?

I can't believe you order the head cheese

that was so gross.

Oh Yeah.

Well...

I guess I was just curious.

Your place is really... cute.

Oh?

Ah.

Thank you.

Thanks.

That's really nice of you.

I know that just a polite way of saying it's

small.

No.

I mean, it's not huge or anything, but I

like it.

It's... it's comfortable.

Wow.

You... smell so... yummy.

Just a little love bite.

I... have... some... wine.

Would you like some wine?

I'm...

Sure?

I'm going to get some wine.

Sure.

Yeah.

Found it.

That is impossible.

It's the truth.

Okay. I will tell you what, if I get a "dead leg"

or my foot falls asleep...

I do rub it until it wakes up.

Does that count?

No.

Look, I'll tell you what, you may be completely

under qualified, but I am willing to give

you a chance.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's nice.

Just pretend I'm your dead foot.

Juicy.

Pink.

Deliciousness.

Do it.

Do it.

It's okay.

I told you I don't bite.

When we played our charade...

You did it.

You bastard.

You finally did it!

Damn!

Your hands are cold.

And don't you wish you did with those...

warm hands, what these cold dead hands did...

last night?

You're a changed man.

So?

Wait!

Let me grab a cup of coffee before you start,

and then I want every filthy detail.

Something I can really sink my teeth into.

Get out of here.

Simon.

I wanted to apologize for last night.

I must have made an absolute fool of myself.

I mean, I was really drunk.

No.

You don't have to apologize.

I had a great night.

I don't even remember what happened.

I must have fallen and hit my head or something?

I'm so embarrassed.

I..

I..

I hope I didn't scare you?

No.

No you didn't scare me.

Did we...???

Did we...?

Wow.

Um?

I thought so...

but now that you mention it

I don't really...

I can't remember.

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