The Guardian Page #5

You're insulting my drawing.

No, you were insulting your drawing.

Although, to be fair,

it's a pretty lame drawing.

All right. Well, you can't go,

'cause you owe me a dance.

No, I don't think so.

Well, then, I'm gonna

have to take that money back,

'cause I wouldn't feel right

taking the money...

Look, every 18 weeks,

a new bunch of you guys comes in,

all looking to score with the local talent.

I live here. I work here.

It's a good thing

I'm just asking for a dance, then.

Okay, one dance.

No attachments. Just casual.

I'm a guy. I can do casual.

Mmm-hmm.

I am the king of casual.

There's just one thing, though.

You're gonna have to stop

undressing me with your eyes,

'cause there's no way

you're getting me into bed.

Hey, you.

I gotta get to work.

- I'm late. I fell asleep.

- What...

- They're gonna kill me.

- They won't kill you.

This isn't like school.

They don't hand out tardies

in the military.

- You smell really good.

- I smell like you.

- He never came back?

- Nope.

Wow.

Four years as lead instructor,

I never had one go missing.

All right, take the others to the pool.

I'll catch up.

Aye, aye, Senior.

Oh, God, there they are.

Stop. Stop the car. Stop.

- Here?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- I'll call you.

You better. Bye.

Jake! Jake! Jake!

Airman Fischer's

coming in late, yeah

Here.

Airman Fischer's

coming in late, yeah

Hi.

Must be nice to go out on a date, yeah

Must be nice to go out on a date, yeah

Oh, my goodness, look at this.

Look at this.

"Freshman Leads Team to State Title."

That's you.

Holy smokes.

"At only 16, Jake Fischer displays

the traits of a seasoned athlete.

"One thing's for sure: the future

looks bright for this young competitor."

Guess they didn't know

you were gonna flunk out of "A" School.

You have a nice evening?

Get dressed.

Think we need another brick.

Bring it in.

Goldfish.

Goldfish.

Thanks to Mr. Fischer's

extracurricular activities,

you have all now gone 36 hours

without sleep.

Blow it.

Class leader, you are done.

Form it up in the shallow end.

Aye, Senior Chief!

Class 5506, form it up!

No. No, no, no. You're with me.

I'm a rescue swimmer, yes, I am

I'm here to pull your ass out of this jam

I jump from the helo

and swing from the cable

All right, knock it off.

I am having a hard time

figuring you out, Fischer.

I mean, you like seeing your picture

in the paper.

In it for the glory, maybe a few chicks.

Am I right?

But when it comes down to it,

you will choose yourself over them

every time,

like you did on the first day in the pool,

like you did yesterday

by missing muster.

Won't happen again, Senior Chief!

Why don't you do us both a big favor

and quit?

I'm a rescue swimmer, yes, I am

I'm here to pull your ass out of this jam

I jump from the helo

and swing from the cable

I'm not Tarzan

I'm just willing and able

Give me something else, Senior Chief.

Thirty!

Thirty-one!

Thirty-two!

Thirty-three!

Thirty-four!

Thirty-five!

Thirty-six!

Stop. Drop them.

Senior Chief's on deck. Pop tall.

Oorah!

Morning, class.

Today we were going to learn

about how to approach

a drowning victim in high seas,

but I think there are some here

who aren't interested in that victim.

Fact, I think there's some in this class

who aren't interested

in saving lives at all.

I believe there are some

who are more interested

in setting records.

So today is record day.

Put one on the board for Goldfish.

Wow, he's fast.

He's good.

You got it, man! You got it, Fisch!

Another record. Chalk it up, Chief.

- Get some.

- You are the man!

You people do not deserve

to be in the same pool as Jake.

He's destroying you.

Wow, look at him go! He's fast!

Wow, he's fast.

Come on, you're all fighting for second.

Just first loser.

This is fun.

We'll pass out trophies later.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

You want me to pull these pansies out?

- You do not wanna hear about my day.

- Yeah, I do.

Man, this guy Randall...

You know, it doesn't matter what I do.

It's just not good enough.

Well, maybe he's just trying

to push you to be better.

You know, we teachers do that

to the ones we believe in.

No, it's personal with me.

He knows that I'm better than he was.

I mean, today,

I broke every one of his records.

I own them all.

Not all of them.

There's one record you won't break.

This is the Aegis.

Medical ship. Caught on fire.

It was a nightmare.

People burning in their beds.

And Ben Randall

got every one of those people off there,

except for this one guy.

And right when the ship

started to go down,

he reaches down and grabs this guy.

He's hanging from the cable

with this man's life in his hands,

and the winch jams.

It's 20 minutes to the base.

The man's screaming.

Ben looks him dead in the eye,

and you know what he said?

He said, "I won't let go."

What happened?

Dislocated his shoulder,

tore every tendon in his hand.

But he didn't let go.

Twenty minutes, just fingertips.

You break that record

and you give me a call.

My day was all right.

So here's my thinking.

We should go on a date.

- Well, what do you call this?

- No, no, no.

I'm talking about, like, a real date.

You know, with, like, a nice restaurant,

some nice clothes.

I'll get you some flowers.

I thought we agreed

to keep this casual.

Look, it's one steak. What is...

One steak is not gonna forge some

kind of a lasting emotional bond.

I'm serious.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

- So am I.

It's one dinner. What's it gonna hurt?

Well, if you ordered a steak,

I'd imagine a cow would be involved.

What do you have, an art gallery

over here? What is this "2"?

It's so the guy behind me knows

what place he's coming in.

What about this one?

That is the initials of the guys

on my high school relay team.

A drunken celebration gone wrong?

Something like that.

- So, about this date.

- God. It's just dinner, right?

No flowers, where we will discuss

nothing emotional or important?

I am fully prepared

to do an entire hour

on nothing but the Chicago Bears.

And we can have

completely meaningless sex

immediately afterwards.

You think I'm gonna sleep with you

on our first date?

Think again.

You just head-butted me.

I'm gonna teach you the breaststroke.

It's pretty complicated,

different than that of the butterfly.

I guess I can't sleep.

Well, of course you can't.

Your wife left you.

Your best friend died.

You sound like a damn country song.

If you had a dog,

he'd be run over by now.

- So, did she send you papers?

- Yeah.

And did you read them?

No, I did not.

Well, you think you might ought to?

You know,

there never was anyone else, Mags.

Like hell, Ben.

You're a bigamist.

You been married to the Coast Guard

all along.

Give me that shoulder.

You probably swum it out of socket

trying to prove you're still 19.

Am I right?

When the heck did we get old?

Hell, I've always been old, Ben.

You know what, though? I don't mind.

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