The Guilt Trip

New message.

Are you there?

Are you up?

Oh, my God! It's too early there

for me to be calling.

7:
52, 6:52, 5:52... I forgot.

Three hours earlier.

- Forget I called!

-Message deleted.

- New message.

-Honey, it's Mommy.

I know I only get you for the weekend

before you hit the road,

but I thought Pd

pick you up a few things.

Do you like Greek yogurt?

It's the rage.

Message deleted.

I'm so proud of you, honey.

I can't believe you're gonna do a tour of

all these companies and your product.

I mean, I...

My little Donald Trump.

- I'm so excited to see your sweet face!

-Message deleted.

Hi, Andy, it's Mommy.

Last call.

I just wanted you to know that I'm going

to park and come inside tomorrow

because parking curbside

at Newark is a zoo!

And I don't want to get a citation.

That's all.

Oh, I may go to

the Gap today,

so let me know if you need slacks

or a scarf or anything, you know.

I got you a pass for my gym,

if you want to do Pilates with me.

I have this new instructor,

she's a lesbian.

Message deleted.

New message.

All these messages

about tomorrow

and I forgot to wish you

good luck today!

They're going to

love you! I know it.

Who could say no to you?

Andrew Brewster?

We're ready for you.

Thank you.

What do you

have for us, son?

What I have for you

is a groundbreaking product

that Kmart has the opportunity

to have on its shelves

before anyone else

has it on their shelves.

First, some background

information on me.

I have a Master's Degree

in chemistry from UCLA.

For the last three years,

I worked at the

Environmental Protection Agency.

And trust me,

I didn't stay three years

because of the ladies.

I stayed because I was fascinated

by the work I was doing there!

Primarily that was

the sustainable technology

sourced by renewable

resources.

I know what you're thinking...

"Boring Chemistry Alert!" Right?

Wrong!

One day, I had a breakthrough.

I created a micro-emulsion

suspension

that harnessed the natural

cleaning power of

coconut oil,

palm kernel oil,

and

soy!

Not soy sauce,

but soybean oil.

And this comes together to

create what I like to call...

Can you see that?

I thought the table would be smaller.

Can you see it?

Scieoclean! Scieo-clean!

Science and clean in one word.

Okay. Very thorough.

Thanks for coming in.

And we'll be in touch,

down the road.

I have full FDA approval,

and I have enough

financial backing...

Actually, we're already in

talks with major companies...

Yeah. Whose products

are toxic and harmful.

...as well as

established organic companies.

But develop some

brand recognition

and maybe, in a year or two,

we'll revisit.

New message.

So, how did it go? I know,

I know. I'm driving you crazy,

but I'm on pins and

needles here, Andy!

They loved you, I bet. Kmart!

I can't believe it!

My son at Kmart!

Message deleted.

Hi, this is Joyce,

leave a message, bye!

Hey, Ma, got your

billion messages.

Here are some answers to your

questions:
Kmart went great,

do not buy me slacks,

I do not want to do Pilates,

and I'm excited

to see you, too.

Andy! Andy!

Andy! Andy!

Andy! I'm over here!

- Honey!

- Hey, Ma.

- I'm over here!

- I see you. Hey!

- All of Newark sees you.

- Hi!

- Hi, there. Hey, Ma.

- Oh, my baby.

Oh, my God!

- Good to see you.

- Look at you! Look at you!

- Yes. Look at me.

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

Yeah. Okay.

Let's get out of the way here.

Are you wearing a sports jacket?

Yeah, I am.

How did you know even

to buy a sports jacket?

- I took a class in it. Yeah.

- Look at this.

Oh, my God! Honey, look!

You left the price tag on.

J. Crew?

My fancy-schmancy son!

Yeah, that's me.

I'm just gonna keep it,

in case it goes on sale.

Okay, great. Thanks.

Is it hot in here,

or is it just me?

- Just you. Not hot at all.

- Just me?

- You're kidding.

- Nope.

- I made chicken for dinner.

- Oh, awesome.

And I invited some

of the girls over

because they really

can't wait to see you.

You know, I'd kinda

rather you didn't.

I just got off a long flight.

I don't know if I want to...

- You're tired and everything?

- Yeah, I have jet lag a bit.

The last thing you need is to

put on a show for my friends.

- Right.

- Yeah. Exactly.

Thank you, Ma.

Thank you for understanding.

I just made so much

chicken is all.

I can't believe little Andy,

all grown up!

And wearing a sports jacket.

It's from J. Crew.

Show them the label.

Yeah, it's pretty affordable.

Did you know that Andy

is starting his own business?

Is that right?

Yeah, he invented a new product

and now he's going to go

travel door-to-door selling it.

Isn't that right, Andy?

No, that's actually

not even close.

You know, it's dangerous

to go door-to-door.

I'm not going door-to-door.

They stopped doing

that decades ago.

Did I hear wrong, honey?

It's okay. It's complicated.

That's close enough, I guess.

Andy, it's so nice

to finally meet you.

You, too. Yeah.

I have heard only great

things about you.

That's nice.

Gayle is our new friend.

She's our Weight Watchers leader.

Her husband's dead.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

I'm not.

He couldn't drop

dead soon enough.

He was horrible!

She couldn't wait

to get rid of him, honey.

Andy, you have to help me.

Please convince her to come

to my singles event with me.

- One night.

- Yeah!

- Come on. Don't say that.

- You gotta do it!

I don't want to go there.

I am telling you, you will be

the belle of the ball.

More like the belle

of the "bald."

I don't need it.

I'm very happy.

Got more frogs

since Thanksgiving, huh, Ma?

Yeah, you can't imagine

how many places sell frogs.

I hope you're drinking water, Andy.

Good. Good boy.

Because I'm up to six bottles

a day now. You know?

It's very good for your skin.

Good. That's why I'm doing it.

I'm so glad you do that, honey.

What are you doing right now?

I'm refilling my water bottle.

'Cause it's silly to

pay big prices

for a case of bottles,

basically, you know,

when you can use this

over and over again.

So you're really gonna

drive cross-country

for these meetings?

Yeah. All the way

to Vegas, yeah.

You seeing anyone?

No. Not at the moment.

No? I thought you were seeing that girl

with the exotic name.

'Yes!

Bethany. What happened to her?

Yeah, that just didn't really

work out. You know...

So what about the one before her?

The Oriental.

That is not remotely

an acceptable term anymore, and...

I don't know,

it just didn't work out.

You'd think one of them

would have worked out by now, hmm?

What about you?

Are you seeing anyone at the moment?

Andy, please don't be disgusting.

You want me to go to one of Gayle's

miserable singles events?

That's what you want?

You want me whoring myself out?

Put on a thong?

I'm going to sleep now, Ma.

Yeah.

I took out the old home movies and

I thought we would watch it together.

You know, I just...

I'm not adjusted yet.

I'm still jet lagged. I just...

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