The Hangover Part III Page #3

anything, ever.

Yeah, Stu, try not having

such big horse teeth.

Alright, we need a plan.

They're meeting on a bus

bench in a public place.

So Alan needs to convince Chow to

go some place more private.

Some place where we

can sneak up on him,

drug him.

Like where?

I don't know, like an alley?

What about a movie theater?

F***, that's actually a great idea.

The lights go down.

We take the seats behind him, we

jab him and it's f***ing done.

I'll jab him if you want,

I've drugged people before.

Yeah. Us.

No offense, Alan, but we're not

letting you handle any drugs.

You kill someone.

Oh, please. I'm an expert.

Remember the marshmallows

in Thailand- Yeah.

I made it so you could eat at least

three before hitting a fatal dose.

Wait.

So you're saying I would

have died if I'd had four?

Nobody eats four

marshmallows, Stu!

That insane theory is the

only reason I'm still alive?

Yes! And you're welcome,

by the way.

Don't say, "you're welcome",

for almost killing me.

- Fine.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Goddammit!

Oh, God.

You know, you were right.

About what?

That place in Arizona. It's

not gonna help him.

There's no facility that

can fix this guy.

We're gonna spend the

rest of our lives dealing...

...with him because

we're all he has now.

Do you realize that?

We're it.

Oh, sh*t. Check it out.

Is that Chow?

Hey, fat stuff.

- Fat stuff?

- Atataa. That's cool, eyes forward.

- Yeah, okay.

- Anyone follow you?

No, I don't think so.

Good, good. Gotta keep

low profile right now.

Chow wanted man.

Can't trust anyone.

Quick, give me some sugar.

Come on, come on,

come on.

What the fuckDid

he just kiss him?

Listen, I'm in bit of pickle, Alan

I need a friend.

Well, I'm your friend, Leslie.

Exactly, that's why I

called you down here.

You're the only person I can trust

in this sh*t hole of a life.

Well, that's not true. Stu

and Phil are your friends.

Oh, reallyThat's interesting.

Where are they?

- Around.

- Around where?

I do not know.

Ah, mother f***er! I told

you to come alone!

- Leslie!

- Sh*t!

- What happened?

- Is he leaving?

Come back, we'll talk some more!

I'll give you another kiss!

He's coming this way.

Oh, f***. Get down.

Get down.

Oh, f***!

- Get out of the car, you mutts!

- Leslie! No!

Get off me, fat clown!

Chow! Chow!

Calm down!

- Who sent you?

- No one!

No...we just wanted

to see you!

Liar! No one wants

to see Chow!

- No! We...we missed you.

- What?

We missed you, Chow!

- That's it.

- Yeah.

We missed you!

You miss me?

So much!

You missed Chow?

Yeah, buddy.

We love you, Chow.

Oh God!

I hurt myself today,

to see if I still fell.

I focus on the pain, the only

thing that's real.

What I've become...

What the f*** am I watching?

...my sweetest friend.

Everyone I know goes insane...

- Is that gonna be enough?

- Oh, yeah

This'll take about a minute to kick in.

We'll tell the waitress he's drunk,

by the time we get to the

car he'll be out cold.

I will let you down,

I will make you...hurt.

Alan, sit down.

It was really nice, Chow!

Thanks, Phil.

Thanks, Phil. The key is

to sing from the heart.

So Mexico, huhWhat are

you doing down here?

You know, f***ing, doing blow, same old,

same old.

Oh, I got into cock fighting.

Oh, cock fighting, that

sounds wonderful.

Yes, basically been killing

it down here.

That is just terrific.

RightI mean that's terrific.

I think that calls for a toast.

I like that. To killin' it.

To killin' it.

Yeah, to killing it.

You okay, Chow?

I don't know, you tell me?

So, how many roaster birds

do you have, Chow?

Ssh. Act cool, or

I open his vein.

Why you wanna drug

poor Chow?

No, no, it's not what

you think.

- There's this guy Marshall...

- Marshall?

How do you know

that fat f***?

He says that you took his gold,

and he's got Doug

and he's gonna kill him

unless we bring you back.

It's true!

I swear to God

it's true!

Chow. Chow, that's

the truth.

Goddamn it!

That motherf***er.

Stu, are you okay?

- You alright?

- No!

I'm sorry, Chow.

We're sorry.

We didn't know

what else to do.

- Next time, don't lie to Chow.

- You're right.

You are so right, and we

made a huge mistake.

So what do we do now?

That depends.

Can I trust you?

- What is this place, Chow?

- My house.

Chow used to be on

top of the world.

Had three beautiful homes in

three different countries.

But this one, my Mexican villa,

this was my favorite.

Then everything got f***ed.

Chow go to prison,

all my property seized.

My homes...sold at auction

to highest bidders.

But I know something no

one else knows.

This house is where

I stashed the gold.

- Marshall's gold?

- Yep.

Hid it inside the

basement wall,

no one knows it's there.

We're gonna go get it.

Wait. You mean break in?

Look, Marshall wants

his gold,

and he's gonna hunt me

down until he gets it.

If we show up without it,

he'll kill me.

We're not breaking

in anywhere.

Not anywhere, Stu,

my house.

It's a piece of cake.

I know every square inch

of this place.

The best part, the guy

we're stealing it from...

...doesn't even know it's there.

So he'll never know

it's gone.

You guys know what's

going on, right?

What do you mean?

And please correct me

if I'm wrong.

We're not breaking

into this house,

this house is too small.

We're breaking into another house.

This is just a model, right, Chow?

WhatAlan, no!

My chickens!

Sh*t!

Chow, what the f***?!

Watch out for the c*cks!

They're trained to kill!

His beak is so sharp!

Stay still! I'm trying to help!

Don't!

Woh! F***ing bullseye!

Are you out of your mind?!

Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em!

Shoot 'em!

The window!

- Out!

- I'm trying!

Ssh...ssh. Don't struggle.

Let go.

You won a lot of fights,

Wallace.

Not this time.

What the f*** was wrong

with those chickens?

They're angry.

All I feed them is cocaine...

and chicken.

- That's some house, Chow.

- It was my Shangri-La.

Now it's gone.

Could you not spit inside

my minivan, please?

- Jesus!

- Who lives there now?

Some dot com millionaire.

He's never here, this

is a vacation home.

The help doesn't show up on Sundays.

No one there but the guard dogs. Stu?

We'll toss these burgers over the gate,

wait for the Demerol to kick in.

Make sure you put in

enough to kill them.

We're not gonna kill

the dogs, Chow.

This will knock them

out for hours.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know

you work for PETA.

What a p*ssy!

Alan, take that.

- Where are you going?

- You'll see.

Glad to meet you,

little loser.

Excuse me, f***ing a**hole

Follow me.

Ok, here's the deal!

Two security panels inside, if you cut

only one wire, it triggers alarm.

Place will be crawling with cops.

But if you cut wire on both panels at

same time, alarm disabled.

Yeah, but how are we gonna get inside

without tripping the alarm?

Check this out.

Any more stupid questions?

Now, who's coming with me?

I'll do it.

You wanna tell him?

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