The Happy Ending

1

Honey, it had a happy ending.

What happens at sad movies?

Oh, I cry happy, sad.

Britain crowns

Elizabeth in sight of her son, Charles,

who someday will be King.

Elizabeth, Queen of England!

What can he find to talk about

for an hour and a half?

Ma...

What are you doing the rest of your life?

North and south

and east and west of your life?

I have only one request of your life

That you spend it all with me

All the seasons and the times of your days

All the nickels and the dimes of your days

Let the reasons and the rhymes of your days

All begin and end with me

I want to see your face in every kind of light

In fields of dawn and forests of the night

And when you stand before

the candles on a cake

Oh, let me be the one

To hear the silent wish you make

Those tomorrows waiting deep in your eyes

In the world of love you keep in your eyes

I'll awaken what's asleep in your eyes

It may take a kiss or two

Through all of my life

Summer, winter, spring and fall of my life

All I ever will recall of my life

Is all of my life with you

- ...every word.

- What did I say?

That you love me.

All this time, that's all you heard?

You love me.

Tell, my boy, what's your racket?

Profession.

I'm a tax consultant.

I help clients keep some of their money.

Sounds crooked.

You think a lawyer

would do anything illegal?

You would, and have with me.

We're totally and gorgeously immoral.

Then why don't I feel guilty?

Because people in love are crazy.

Well, at least crazy people

can't be held responsible.

Well, for safety's sake,

we ought to be put in an institution...

Marriage.

Life imprisonment?

For what we...

Just for what we've been doing?

Oh, don't you want to live

happily ever after?

The morning

headlines as of January 22, 1969.

Washington:
On his first

working day in the White House,

President Nixon said he would use a

small hideaway for brain work.

London:
Plans were announced

for Prince Charles

to be invested as Prince of Wales.

Sixteen years ago, he watched his

mother crowned Queen of England.

Weather in downtown Denver, 37 degrees.

In a moment, your daily health program.

Morning!

How do you feel?

Start my eggs for me, will you, darling?

Hey!

I love you.

Come to where

the flavor is, famous Marlboro Red,

or new Marlboro 100's, "The Longhorns."

Come to Marlboro Country.

Good morning, ladies. 7:30,

and time for our trip to

God's Fountain of Youth.

You know, it's a beautiful day

because we're alive,

so let's count our blessings.

Ready to face the day?

Good.

Remember love is beauty.

Love is eternal.

Love is organic.

If your insides are right,

your outsides can't be wrong.

First thing we're gonna do,

is fill our lungs with clean, fresh air.

Now, lady, you can't do it

sitting in the chair smoking.

Now, fill up your lungs.

Inhale as much as you can.

Inhale.

Hold it, more, hold it, hold it, hold it,

hold it, hold it, hold it.

Let it out.

Fine. Now, let's go. 20 times.

All right, fill up those lungs. Inhale.

Hold it, hold it, hold it,

hold it, that's it, hold it. Let it out.

Once again. Inhale.

Hold it, hold it, hold it,

hold it, that's it, hold it.

Let it out.

I'll get it, Mom!

...you feel better all ready, don't you?

Once again, inhale through the nose.

Hello?

Hold it, hold it, hold it,

hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. Let it out.

How'd you sleep last night?

Did you need a sleeping pill?

You all tensed up?

You headachy?

Old? Tired? Nervous?

One thing...

Really? Where? When?

I can't make it.

Not tonight.

Well, there's this party.

My parents' umpteenth

wedding anniversary.

I don't know,

it's got to be at least their 16th, unless...

I don't think they had

the pill in those prehistoric days.

Morning, Daddy.

How's my girl?

Don't forget about tonight.

Mmm-hmm. I'm listening.

Suz?

Anyway, I got to be here tonight,

'cause at last year's party...

Oh, brother...

You think you've got problems.

I can't talk about it.

Yeah.

It's pretty tough raising parents nowadays.

Listen, I got to go.

My ride's here.

Bye!

Your horoscope says for you

to stay away from problems

during the a.m. and be happy in the evening.

Does it say how?

Don't those pills get you all hopped up?

Hopped up. Calmed down.

I'm late.

I've got Harry Bricker today.

Makes you slender, young,

satisfied and dreary-dull.

Hey! What about...

What about if we forget the party?

Why don't we sneak away,

find a sleazy motel,

act suspicious,

give false names and do it in sin?

It's not a sin if you're married.

If we didn't come to our own party,

everybody'd think there

was something wrong.

And there's nothing wrong, not anymore.

Tonight, we'll show them

why an anniversary is called "happy."

At midnight, we'll toast it with champagne.

One glass to a customer.

It's important for Marge, too, you know.

Oh, if you get to feeling,

you know,

call me.

And stay busy.

Have lunch out.

See a movie or your mother or something.

And think only beautiful thoughts.

Oh, Agnes.

- Morning, Mr. Wilson.

- Good morning.

That cake will be delivered about 5:00.

I want you to make the fruit punch.

What do you want it spiked with?

Fruit.

- With that crowd?

- Agnes.

Fruit.

Mrs. Wilson seems kind of edgy,

so if she gets depressed, phone me.

And if she leaves the house...

Likewise.

She's got a little something

stashed in the bedroom,

not that she'd use it.

Oh, she hasn't.

But, if she locks herself in the bedroom.

Trouble.

So, keep an eye on her.

The FBI never sleeps.

Ms. Wilson?

It's me, Agnes.

Are you all right, Ms. Wilson?

Fine. I just popped some heroin

and taken the gas pipe. You?

I could use a double vodka.

Help yourself.

Pretty, ain't it?

Like one of them fireboxes.

"Break glass only in case of emergency."

We got us a four-alarm panic?

Nope.

How 'bout a double Miltown instead?

Comin' up.

Happy days.

Got my secret orders from the chief.

You can't even go pee-pee alone,

without I have to quick phone him.

You takin' me down to Headquarters?

I'm gonna give you a break, sister.

Take it on the lam.

Disappear yourself down

to the beauty parlor,

and let them fairy godmothers

wave their magic wand.

Let 'em pamper your top

and massage your bottom,

'cause tonight, baby,

you're queen of the ball.

Oh, I don't deserve you.

Oh, honey, all us girls over 35

got the same trouble.

Bricker Advertising. Mr. Bricker?

Thank you,

I'll see if he's in.

Just a moment, please.

$15,000 contribution

to the church? Every year?

That's quite a bite.

All right, you own a part

interest in the laundry.

You invested $6,000.

According to your books, it's worth $18,000.

Now, why don't you donate

that interest to a church?

It's tax deductible to you

and gives them a yearly income.

A church?

In the laundry business?

What a slogan.

"Let the Church clean your dirty linen."

Oh, I like that. Terrific!

Bricker Advertising.

- Mrs. Bricker?

- Yes.

I'll tell Mr. Bricker you're waiting.

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