The Happy Ending Page #2

Ms. Bruce.

Girls, he'll be with you in a moment.

"What makes a woman?"

- Mr. Wilson, phone.

- I like that.

Extension four.

It's your home.

Something about the FBI.

Mrs. Bricker insists on seeing you.

I saw her this morning.

I'll have to see her again tonight.

I'm busy.

Agnes? Where did she go?

Bricker

Advertising. Thank you. Just a moment.

Do you have that number there?

Hi.

Helen! Uh...

Long time no see.

Yeah.

Hmm. Smells like, uh...

Wild and shameful.

Atta girl. Always use

your husband's product.

It's the only thing about him that stands up.

Mrs. Bricker, I'm sorry, but he...

I know, he's busy.

You busy, too?

Most married men would

rather switch than fight.

Happy anniversary, darling.

Is Mrs. Wilson there, please?

Sorry.

Mrs. Wilson. Mr. Wilson.

Hi. How'd you find me?

He's a mind reader.

God forbid.

Hey, did I tell you today that I love you?

My husband loves me.

We all have our cross to bear, sweetie.

That's right, ma'am,

no passport is required or visa.

Excursion fare, roundtrip, Denver-New York,

New York-Nassau is $257.

Well, how much one way?

Ah... $176.

Credit card or cash?

I'll be back.

- Hi, Mother.

- Hello, darling.

Did you bring it?

I don't think I've been here since

when your father was still with us,

on our honeymoon.

I don't believe I ever saw the lobby.

Well...

I like your hairdo.

- Michael?

- Can I have the money, please?

I've got something for you on approval.

- Mama.

- For your anniversary.

I haven't got time.

I want you to see it before Fred...

You told him.

Oh, Mama.

I really need that $200.

You could...

Would you write a check?

Please, Mama.

I'm sorry.

Mary, I'm sorry. Fred...

He said you'd ask for money.

Maybe, if you told him

why you need the money.

Can you tell me?

Would it make any difference?

Then what's the difference?

Nice merchandise.

Thank you.

$180?

Oh, uh... let me see.

Please, lady, yes or no.

No aggravation.

Uh, wait a minute.

Lady, no wedding rings, please.

Who wants to buy

someone else's heartache?

- Okay?

- Mmm-hmm.

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

No, not yet.

Hold it, Mr. Wilson.

Hello?

You alone?

The chief's calling on the hotline.

Go ahead, I got him short circuited.

Got you. Got you.

Hello.

Was that Mrs. Wilson calling?

Where was she calling from?

A phone.

Funny. Very funny.

Now, damn it, Agnes!

I told you this morning

what I wanted you to do. Do you hear me?

Yes. Yes, sir.

I heard you, sir.

You're coming in loud and clear.

Roger. 10-4. Over and out.

Oh, Alice,

try the Red Ram for me will you, please?

What's happened to you?

I just think you're the most human being.

Red Ram.

This is Charlie.

We are talking about your wife, your wife.

Hold it, Mr. Wilson.

Maybe, it' be

best for both of us

if we called it off

and we stop seeing each other.

No, sir.

She hasn't been here.

Must be

five, six months.

Yes, sir,

I have your number.

- Thanks, Charlie.

- The usual?

Please.

You look fine, Mrs. Wilson, real fine.

You need glasses, Charlie.

Oh, Liz,

I just don't know if I can keep this up.

I just can't seem to leave her.

Paul, you want me to mention it?

The unmentionable?

What do you want me to do, Liz?

He's hooked on them serials.

He needs one.

One's too many,

and a million's not enough.

You do not have to stay with her.

You want to stay with her.

You know, we've been together a year,

I haven't been out with anyone else.

I don't see anybody.

I live just for you.

You have at least intimated

that you wanted to get married.

That you were going to leave your wife.

You said you didn't love her,

that she didn't love you.

That you have no reason

for staying with her.

That I was all you wanted

in the whole world.

Just me. Just me.

- Hey, there, Charlie!

- The usual?

Just the blood, skip the Mary.

Charlie, for the gentleman.

What's a matter with it?

I'll find out for myself.

Tune in tomorrow

for the next episode of

The Big Little City.

Makeup, perfume, lace nighties,

shoes, pills for everything

and whatever you're looking for,

I hope you find it.

We'll go over it tonight at the party.

Oh, and Burt,

this time no cracks about marriage, okay?

One moment, please.

Okay. Bye.

Oh, boy.

I wish I could afford to insult that creep.

Mr. Wilson, the Health Club on 2.

Hello. Would you page her, please?

Just a moment, please.

Paging Mary Wilson.

Phone, Mrs. Wilson.

Paging Mary Wilson.

Hi, honey.

How'd it turn out?

Aren't they gorgeous?

Silicone.

No lumps, no scars,

thirty-nine dreamy inches.

Do you think it's dishonest?

Hell, no.

Oh, God, I can't wait to try them out!

It is dishonest.

No more than make-up, false eyelashes,

wigs, padded bras

or a hundred other things.

Who cares if it helps her get a man

or keep the man she's got?

Fred Wilson. Poor guy.

Mary hasn't been here,

anywhere, since...

Since what?

Since Fred took away her credit cards,

checking account, the works.

My God! Why?

I hope it isn't serious.

The hell you don't.

You b*tch!

What's the matter with her?

We all got the same problem, kid.

I got no problem.

Then, what are you doin' here?

Look at us, zombies killing time

till we can go home and kill more time!

All I said was...

Oh, shut up and play!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the captain has turned off

the Fasten Seat Belt sign.

And you are free to move about

the cabin as you wish.

In a few moments,

the stewardesses with be serving you

soft beverages and cocktails.

Magic mirror on the wall,

who is the fairest one of all?

And the mirror replied,

"Oh, Queen, thou hast a beauty rare,

"but Snow White,

the prince's bride, is still more fair."

The queen hit the mirror

and it broke into a million pieces.

And the wicked stepmother

dropped down dead.

Right!

And Snow White and her prince

lived happily ever after.

- And that's good night.

- I want a drink of water.

- Good night, lover.

- Good night, Daddy.

Mommy, what happens

when you get married?

Plenty.

Now, good night.

Why do all the stories end after married?

Like Snow White, Cinderella

and Sleeping Beauty?

They all get married and that's the end.

No, they live happily ever after.

And that's the end.

When people love each other

very, very much,

there is no end.

But, Mommy...

Good night.

Cocktail?

- Cocktail?

- Um...

Is it midnight anywhere?

Must be. Someplace.

I'd say the west coast ofAfrica.

Casablanca.

Probably.

Tomato juice, please.

In a champagne glass.

You've been to Casablanca?

In the movie.

Miss?

Thank you.

Mary...

Is it midnight, yet?

Is everybody happy?

Yes!

- Al!

- Oh, yeah.

You remember? From Cheyenne.

Well, if Jesus

was a Jew, does that make God a Jew, too?

Fantastic!

God, speaking existentially...

Sex after marriage,

what do you think, Mary?

It's something everyone has to go through.

Mary, it's a marvelous party.

Isn't Fred wonderful?

He is.

- Fred, get ready, ready, ready!

- What?

- Oh, ready, ready yeah.

- Lights.

Ready.

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