The Happy Film Page #7

Me, it's different.

Because I have an

immediate experience of me.

And I know how it went.

I've never been so happy.

I mean, you know, I have

never had in my life,

Yeah, I probably had

a day that I would say

That was like a number 10 day,

Like a 10 out of 10.

But I've had 10 days

like this in a row.

- unbelievable.

And too good to be true.

- Yeah, yeah.

And as we both know, normally,

In my experience,

every single time,

Too good to be true

means exactly that.

- yeah, I mean,

I think it's fascinating

How you know about this

concept of romantic love

And companionate love.

And it's like you're aware

scientifically of the timeline.

- the only part

of the rider-elephant duo

that knows, is the rider.

The elephant doesn't

give a sh*t about this,

About this knowledge.

The elephant just does

what he wants.

The elephant falls in love

Totally and crazily and

And just goes

in that direction.

The rider is just sort of

sitting on top of the elephant

Saying, oh, you know,

Are you really sure?

You're on drugs.

And the elephant just goes.

- yeah.

- so, baby, we

had a fight today, no?

In the morning or,

Yeah, I think you can

call it a fight.

What do you think?

- I don't think it was a fight.

You should see me fight.

- yeah?

- no

Yeah, we did.

And look at we

are still here.

- I'm about

a week off drugs.

And right now

I'm not doing well.

- let's hear

what's been going on.

- It's been not great,

I have to say.

In general, when it's not been,

The outer circumstances

Haven't been that fantastic,

I surely haven't been

fantastic either.

- I'm not sure

that the lexapro

In your system

Was really the true you.

What's going on in terms

of the relationship?

- Not as ecstatic as it was.

- well,

maybe it's normalizing.

- Yeah, yeah.

Level of passion can

continue over the long run.

- I mean, that's basically

what I had expected.

Yeah, I don't think that it can.

- Whenever you make

one of these changes,

You wanna give it a few months.

Don't be bouncing around with

Just four or five weeks off.

You know, let your brain

and body get back

To whatever level it's gonna be

For at least a couple of months.

And whatever you do,

Don't break up with veza

in the next few weeks.

Give it a couple of months.

Get back to your baseline

And see how things are.

- yeah.

I thank you very, very much

For coming and for listening.

What you see here,

They are part of a whole series

Of maxims that

I always felt was helpful

To at least know of

What I actually have learned

In my life so far.

This piece itself, the way

that it works is basically,

You look through the frame

And there is a smile detection

Software here somewhere.

So if I smile properly

Yeah,

It actually does reward me

By becoming colorful.

And this is a sentence that

Came out of cognitive therapy.

The step up to it,

basically, my therapist saw

That I'm not quite ready

enough for confrontation.

The elevators.

And then a freight elevator

That opened up differently.

Press the button and it

tells you what to do next.

Look, I'll show you

my favorite ones here.

See the curve?

- yes.

- most people feel

Like a seven or an eight.

Want one?

Put a quarter in here.

It rolls outside.

Anybody can take it in

front of the museum.

And this one.

Companionate love,

Passionate love.

And you have six months.

So, passionate love

does go down.

And companionate love has

A possibility to grow.

So we'll have to transform

It into companionate love.

- No, but I already--

- but keeping

some of the passion.

- But I already feel

companionate love with you,

From the beginning.

- This is what I have

to expect with you?

- Mm-hm.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hm.

- I think so.

I mean, I haven't been there.

No, but in the past,

it's sort of like it was

My pattern, you know?

Roughly.

- Well, then break it.

- I don't think

it's breakable, baby.

I think it's human.

- no.

- and I don't

have expectations

That it's gonna go on

in that sort of passionate level

forever.

And I think that that's good.

- You know what the difference

Between me and you is?

I don't even think about it.

I'm here now.

That's the difference.

- And I, of course,

have to think about it

Because, you know,

I did all that.

You know, I've been dealing

With all this research for--

- I know.

- A long time now.

In general,

a problem with relationships

Is that the expectations

are too high.

Or that one of the reasons

why my parents

Had such

a great marriage, I think,

Is because they didn't really

Have a lot of expectations.

They didn't know each

other very well and--

- No, I see that,

no, I see that.

- Good.

Let's leave it there.

I'm like afraid

To provoke more arguments.

- Welcome to

the sacred ceremony.

To this beautiful opportunity

To leave our old self behind.

Your life will be

in line with nature.

- veza's model

friend suggested ayahuasca.

I agreed

and we tried it out together.

- Your eyes.

it made no difference.

Every month we had a fight

That went all the way

to the edge, basically,

Where we broke up.

- I feel like,

okay, whoa,

What did I do that you're

so irritated with me?

Well, I'm just saying

I want you to be happy

With what we do and whatnot.

- Oh, yeah, no, no,

absolutely, yeah.

- Good to know.

- it's a little bit like,

And I'm really scared in a way

That this will turn you off.

Because, you know,

I mean, simply, if you

don't get along with me,

Then why would you wanna

stay with me, you know?

- I think I said that wrong.

That I don't think that

we don't get along.

another big fight today.

In the morning.

Very close to the edge.

And veza asked me afterwards

If I still wanted

to get married.

And I didn't really know

what else to do,

So I made another

pro and con list.

Getting married.

Pro, four points.

Against, seven points.

- Such a crazy thing

that we were.

Such a fantastic

falling in love couple.

I mean, I've never

Fallen so hard

And so deeply in love.

And we are not a

Companionate love couple.

you know, here you are.

You set off

to do this science experiment.

In my office two years ago,

three years ago,

whatever it was,

When we were talking about this

What was clear

was that your weaknesses

Were about

interpersonal connection

And commitment and gratitude.

And I think I even said,

You can go back

and look at the footage,

I think I even said

something like,

Well, it would

be interesting to see

If you fall in love during

- yeah.

- Because this is where your weakness is.

And so, you did fall in love.

Three times.

And you go off and

you're doing meditation,

And bang, this--

a relationship,

Which blows out of the

water any possibility

To measure whether, okay,

That's a little bit funny.

And then you go and you

do cognitive therapy,

And the same thing happens.

- yeah.

- Now it gets funnier.

And a joke always has,

You know, three sections.

So the fact that

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