The Happy Years

Mr. Stover.

This little story

about your son.

I gave you the facts

and told you

to write it honestly.

But this isn't the way

i wrote it, sir.

Please listen.

"John h. Stover, younger

son of samuel stover sr.,

"last night left for miss

wandell's select academy

"for young ladies

and gentlemen.

"John was last monday

expelled

"from the public schools

of chester county

by unanimous vote

of the school board."

That's the way

i rewrote what you wrote.

Bert, mrs. Stover and i

are ashamed and humiliated.

We wish it could have been hushed up,

but everybody would

find out,

and i don't want

them saying

i kept it out

of the papers

because it was

my own son.

Bert:
Hello.

Oh, yes.

Mrs. Stover

calling you, sir.

Hello, maude.

Samuel, come home

right away.

It's mrs. Cameron.

She's going to

put john in prison.

All right, maude.

I'll come at once.

Samuel stover, your son has robbed me

of a blue ribbon in

next week's horse show.

Please, mrs. Cameron,

if someone has been

surreptitiously riding

any of your prize horses-

my beautiful, white,

five-gaited gelding bucephalus.

Well, what's the matter

with b-b-bucephalus?

Look.

Well, why do you suspect

john of this?

The jones hardware store will tell you

that yesterday

at 3:
30,

john purchased two

quarts of green paint,

which he charged

to my account.

Bert:
Hello.

Oh, yes.

Mr. Stover, your little

girl is on the phone.

Hello, tootsie.

I love you, darling,

but i'm awfully busy

right now, so you-

but mom wants you.

Hurry.

John's been expelled

from miss wandell's academy,

and sambo's come home

from yale about it.

Hello, sambo.

What is it, and how did the

news reach yale university?

There was an explosion

at the academy,

and it blew out

the sides of the building,

and it could have

killed everybody.

The police say

that john did it.

Sambo:

I brought him home.

Dad, we'll never have a moment's peace

unless you do

something drastic

about that young

heathen right now.

In the last two years, we've

lost half our friends and...

well-

oh, no, samuel.

Not reform school, please.

Why not

reform school?

Of course, there is one

private school i know of,

a school with a fine

tradition among its students

that manages to turn pretty

nearly any young heathen

into a good christian.

It did

when i went there.

Lawrenceville, dad?

Oh, no.

I won't stand

for that.

Lawrenceville has

a fine curriculum,

an understanding

faculty-

we went all through that a year ago.

I've got a reputation at lawrenceville.

Maude, what do you say?

Sam, your father means

what he says

about reform school.

All right.

Lawrenceville...

but i'll bet

the faculty

won't let him stay there long enough

for the splendid tradition

to do him any good.

That we'll find out.

Bring john here.

This isn't

your fault, dear.

Maybe i've failed

with john.

You've had

the patience of job.

Well, if lawrenceville doesn't work,

i'll have

job's boils, too.

Samuel:
Great godfrey, maude!

Look at that child's

clothes.

And all the money

i spent on him.

Samuel stover, 5 minutes

after he puts on a new suit,

it looks like something out of a ragbag.

This isn't

a new suit.

This is the coat

of one suit

and the pants

of another.

The other coat and pants

were burnt in the explosion.

Did you deliberately

set off that explosion

and blow out the wall

of the academy building?

It could have happened

to anybody.

What could have

happened to anybody?

One of the boys

in chemistry class

said you couldn't

make dynamite

without using

special machinery.

He was wrong.

Was anybody hurt?

A teacher got

her coat blown off,

but it was a warm night, and

what was she doing wearing a coat?

John...

the day you left

for that academy,

a delightful peace and quiet

descended on this community-

by george,

no, it didn't!

John stover,

did you paint mrs.

Cameron's white horse green?

I did the horse

a favor.

Why?!

Well, the flies were

bothering him something awful,

so i painted him green,

the same color

as the grass,

so the flies

couldn't see him.

That's the most outrageous

thing i ever heard of!

John:

No, it isn't.

I stayed there an hour

after i painted him green.

The flies didn't

bother him at all.

John, we're

sending you

to the lawrenceville

school.

That ought to be

very interesting.

When do i leave?

Now.

Here's the lawrenceville

stage, my little man.

Man:
Whoa!

Hey, there,

young sporting life,

you bound

for lawrenceville?

John:
Yeah.

Well, tuck yourself

in back there.

Thanks. I'll

cuddle here.

Want to look over the

way you handle the reins,

see if i approve

your driving.

Don't look at me like that, old sport.

I've driven

real coaches-

16 horses and all that sort of thing.

Now, what did they expel

you for at your last school?

Who said they

expelled me?

All right. What did

they fire you for?

Fired me for trying

to kill a gambler.

I drew a knife

on him.

He'd have been done

for, too, the coward,

if they hadn't

hauled me off.

Oh, me. Thrilling state

of affairs.

I saw red,

everything red!

What had this gambler

done to you?

He insulted

my mother.

Your mother?

She's dead.

You don't mean it.

A long time ago.

She died in a shipwreck to save me.

Held my head

above the water.

I was

the only one saved.

And your father,

is he alive?

Yes, but we don't

speak of him.

Oh, pardon me.

Painful memory,

of course.

Who is this

old buck anyway?

Oh, he comes back and

forth every now and then.

Traveling salesman,

huh?

What's your line

of goods, old sport?

Uh, books.

Books?

Say, can't you get any

speed out of these nags?

Whoa! Whoa!

Yeah!

Yeah, boys, go!

Come on,

you silly nags!

Whoa! Stop that!

Come on! Faster!

Come on,

you silly nags!

Get going!

Stop that, please.

Get those horses

over here.

Give me those reins.

Give me those.

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Easy now.

Whoa.

What in blazes

are you trying to do,

you young anarchist?

You ought to be driving

a couple of cows.

Giddyap.

Driver:
Whoa.

Well, there it is.

Looks kind of quiet.

I'll put some ginger

into it.

Which house are you

headed for?

The green house.

Giddyap.

Driver:
Whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Well, here it is,

young sporting life,

the green house.

That awful, old stone blockhouse affair?

Why, it's not even

on the campus.

It's still got a warm

bunch of indians in it.

Uh, fare, please.

John:
Well, old sport,

tata, good luck.

Hope you sell out

your line.

Thanks.

Don't forget

about the ginger.

Sock it to them.

Why, old cocky wax,

put this in your pipe and smoke it.

I'm gonna own

this school.

Giddyap.

No old clothes today,

nothing to sell.

No rags, no bottles,

no bones.

Boy:
He doesn't

want to buy.

He wants to sell us

something-

patent removable

underwear, i think.

I'm the new boy.

The what?

The new boy?

Impossible.

Can't be.

New boys

always say "sir"

and take off

their hats politely.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes