The Happy Years Page #2

Please, i am.

Can you prove it?

Please, i have

a letter.

My aunt's cat's pants!

It is the new boy!

What's

your name?

Stover.

Sir.

Sir.

What's your

full name?

John humperdink stover, sir.

Humperwhat?

Dink.

Say it again.

Humperdink.

Say it for me.

Humperdink.

Can't have that.

From now on,

your name is dink.

Yes, sir.

Why did they

fire you?

Well, they fired me

for, uh...

for bringing a couple of

rattlesnakes into the school.

Sir.

Send him up.

He belongs to me.

Dink, this is

the coffee colored angel-

mr. Channing

to you, dink.

Make a bow.

Take your hat off!

Keep your heels

together!

And this is

the white mountain canary-

mr. Denton to you.

Bow.

And now mr. Baxter,

addressed as cheyenne

only after a half a century

of intimacy.

Bow, dink.

And this is

poler beekstein.

He's only a genius.

He doesn't count.

And my name is

mr. Mccarty.

The pet name is tough,

tough mccarty,

and i don't like

the way you been bowing,

so do it over again

to everybody

with a lot more politeness.

The new man.

Well, stover,

how are you?

My name is

butsey white-

mr. White to you,

please.

I'm most particular.

How do you do,

mr. White?

That's your kennel.

The bath's

down the corridor.

What did they

fire you for?

Uh... they fired me

for kissing a teacher.

There's a little too much

airy persiflage

going on around here.

You've got a lot

to learn, young fella.

Mr. White?

I brought some

things along.

I thought they might

help decorate the room.

Hmm.

What did they

fire you for?

Uh, they fired me-

you, stover, turn up

at 4:
00 for baseball.

I don't play baseball.

You're the ninth man

in the house,

and the green is

playing the cleve.

Everybody

has to play.

4:
00.

That's

the gymnasium bell.

Recitation's

coming up.

They got to get

to classes

before

the bell stops.

We're out

of bounds now.

Meaning me,

i'm out of bounds?

Mmm, the first day,

you can do as you like.

Come in.

You are new here, huh?

Yes, sir.

Stover, green house.

The green, huh?

Sew your shirt

on your back,

or they'll have it off

while you're putting it

in your coat.

Oh, i don't know.

I'm a pretty cute

proposition myself.

If any of those

smart alecks think

they can put one

over on-

all clear, al?

All clear

on the potomac.

I'm dodging

education today.

Al, serve up a nice,

creamy strawberry jigger.

Oh, i can see you expect

the cash first, huh?

What's a jigger?

Al:
Shad, here's stover.

Just came.

Stover, this is

the tennessee shad.

Shake.

My boy, i'd gladly

give up

all my hard-earned wealth to be you,

tasting

your first jigger.

Al, serve up

a nice, creamy

double strawberry

jigger,

on me.

No, i'll pay

for us both.

Wouldn't think

of it.

I'm not

the lowdown sort

who'd take advantage

of a newcomer.

Mr. And mrs. Conover's

place.

Pancakes and maple syrup

on a strictly cash basis.

Mr. Shad, couldn't i

buy you some pancakes?

On a warm day

like this?

Fella named

guzzler wilkens

ate 26 of those pancakes

in one sitting

one day

about 5 years ago.

That's the official

world's record.

26 pancakes?

That's not so many.

Well, if any boy

can eat 32 in one sitting,

conover will serve

free pancakes

to the whole school

all that day.

Now, dink, let's see

what i can do for you.

Have you got a crockery

toilet set for your room?

Doesn't that come

with the room?

Oh, dink.

Nobody ever uses the one

the school furnishes,

and especially a

ripsnorting sport like you

will want a special souvenir toilet set.

You know, dink, sock

missoula might sell you one

if i put in

a good word for you.

Well, there's

the school.

That's our chapel.

Next come

the circle houses-

the cleve,

the griswold.

There's the woodhull.

That's the dickinson house,

where sock missoula lives.

Next-door's my house,

the kennedy.

A wonderful house.

Good crowd.

You know, my boy,

it's really too bad

you're stuck off there

in the green,

but just wait till

that green house gang

sees your souvenir

special toilet set.

Every piece different,

guaranteed nothing like

it in the whole world.

Butsey:
Hurry up, dink.

Baseball.

Coming!

Safe!

Butsey:
Hey, stover,

you're up.

Bang it

on the nose.

Don't worry

about the pitcher.

He's as wild

as a wet hen.

Just get your fast out and hurry.

Dink, here's

your chance

to square yourself

with the house.

On the second pitch,

tough mccarty's

gonna steal second,

so you step

into that ball

and hit it

anywhere!

Come on. Knock

the whole bat!

Come on.

Knock it in.

Knock it home.

Let's go, dink.

Smash it!

Get on base,

dink!

This guy

can't pitch, dink!

Wait him out!

Don't be afraid

of that pitcher.

All right, stover, let's

get a piece of that apple!

Come on, dink.

Get a hit!

Umpire:
Ball one!

Butsey:
Why didn't you

let it hit you?

You little wimp.

You'd have been

on base.

That's as good

as a hit.

Come on, stover.

Stand up and hit it.

Come on,

nick, old boy.

Chop this guy down.

Shoot a fast one

right through him.

Don't be afraid

of that pitcher.

Just bang

those fast ones.

Remember what

we told you.

Spank one, dink!

Don't forget, dink.

Tough mccarty's

on first.

Umpire:
Strike one!

Umpire:
You're out!

What's the matter

with you?

Why didn't you take

a swing at it?

Go on home

to your mother!

Can't you play ball?

Doesn't know

anything!

Ah!

Get under it, stover!

Catch it, dink.

Easy out.

Green team:
Aww!

Get that bum out!

Let us in,

you traitor!

Let us in!

Open up,

you traitor!

You quitter, you.

You coward!

Come on out!

I'm coming in.

If you lay

a hand on me,

i'll rip the hide

off you.

Keep back!

Put that bat down,

do you hear me?

Don't you

come through.

I'm coming through,

and you don't-

you're a coward.

You're not worth

wasting my time on.

Just wait till

i catch you alone!

Personally, i'll get you

tomorrow for this.

Butsey:
Come on,

open up.

You're safe.

Butsey:
You're

a fine specimen.

Why didn't you

let them in?

Let them in?

Why not?

What do you think

they'd have

done to you?

Gee, i never

thought of that.

Rats! They might have

tied you down on the bed.

Nothing but a little

easy mussing up.

That's all

you'd have got.

Then it would have

been over with.

Now you got to

square yourself.

Mr. White,

i bought something

wonderful for the room.

What?

Turn your back,

and i'll open it.

Mist-

mist-

mist-

mr. White, look.

Oh, no!

Oh, take it away!

Take it away!

Take it away!

Cover it up!

The souvenir special.

So shad and sock missoula

got you.

Why, nobody's fallen

for that old gag

in 10 years.

You certainly are the

prize sucker of all time.

I guess they

put one over on me,

but you wait

till i get them.

What you got

to worry about

is the angel and the

canary getting you... alone.

Here you are-latin.

This is the old roman-

the one nasty you want

to stand in with.

And remember,

the old roman's

a bug on syntax,

especially the gerund

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