The Heavenly Kid

Chicken out?

- Joe's not gonna chicken out.

- He's no chicken.

You ready, Joe?

We don't have to do this, Fontana, I mean...

I'm sorry I made a pass.

I know Emily's your girl.

I'm real glad you noticed.

You think you're real tough, don't you?

Bobby, please.

For the last time, please don't do this.

- My honor's at stake.

- I love you.

Joe knows that.

This isn't going to prove anything.

Hey, Emily, don't worry. I got it covered.

Don't chicken, Bobby!

Hey, Bobby, take her with you!

Oh, sh*t!

Sonny.

Got a light?

This way to Uptown.

This way to Uptown.

Hey, what's going on here, Jack?

Where am I?

- What's your name, son?

- Bobby. Bobby Fontana.

One of Rafferty's boys.

Please step aside.

Hey. Watch the jacket, Bub.

You can kiss that cough good-bye

in Uptown, Mrs. Hardison.

I'll be so happy.

I've suffered such a long, long time.

It makes your heart feel good, doesn't it?

Hey, this Uptown sounds okay.

Maybe I ought to check this out.

This Midtown traffic's getting impossible.

Got to get the big chief

to put a cycle lane in here.

Lane? You need a highway, fella.

Who taught you how to ride this thing?

You almost killed me.

You must be Bobby.

I'm Rafferty.

Hop on. We got some serious talking to do.

Dead! What do you mean dead?

Mister, you shouldn't be riding a bike.

You could really hurt somebody.

I haven't lost anybody yet.

Come on.

I suppose everyone else in here

is dead, too?

As doornails.

We're all spirits.

Spirits got to eat, too.

Look, kid,

what's the last thing you remember?

Race.

Yeah, I was in a race.

It was no contest. The guy chickened out

halfway. I kept going.

You know, for the crowd.

- Anyway, I was about to bail out when...

- Here, try the linguine.

Pretty good.

What's wrong? You don't like Italian?

Emily.

Oh, yes. She was a cute one, all right.

Tough break, kid.

- I got to see her.

- Sorry, that's impossible.

You don't understand. I need to see her.

There's something I gotta tell her.

Son, you've already told her

all you ever will.

So this is it?

Well, to tell you the truth,

I was expecting something different.

You know, like angels and harps

and that kind of stuff.

No, that's in Uptown.

- You don't mean I'm...

- No, this is Midtown.

Sort of a way-station, just temporary.

- So I'll be moving on?

- It's not that easy, Bob.

The big chief doesn't think

you're quite ready yet.

Which is why he sent me down here.

What's the matter,

he doesn't like my clothes?

Let's just say you have

a few strikes against you...

and until you square yourself

to his satisfaction, you're sort of stuck here.

So what does he want me to do?

Carry out an assignment.

Something especially suited to your...

- abilities.

- Okay, I'm game.

- When do we start?

- I was coming to that.

You're gonna have to ride the train

until we find an assignment for you.

What?

It's the only way we can keep Midtown

from getting overcrowded.

- Where does it go?

- Around.

Well, how long I gotta stay on this thing?

- It could be a while.

- Get me out of here!

Open the door!

There's a f***ing viking in here!

Lenny, what are you doing?

How many times do I have to tell you?

First the lettuce, and then the tomato

and then the onion.

What do I gotta do, write it down for you?

- I'm sorry...

- Look, no sorries. Just get it right.

I need six cheeseburgers

and seven Cokes, pronto.

Two with no tomato, one without onion...

two with no mustard, and one with no mayo.

And the no-onion wants no ketchup.

- And a large fry with extra salt. Got it?

- I hope so.

- Do you want some help?

- Melissa, I need you out front.

All right. Let me just get this takeout order.

Thanks for the offer.

Never mind. Get out of here.

Please, get out of here.

Get out of here. Go out there and help her.

I'll handle this. And try not to screw it up.

- I'm not doing so good, am I?

- You're doing fine.

- I don't think Max likes me too much.

- Max doesn't like anybody.

I don't know why you waste your time.

She doesn't know you exist.

Yeah, but someday she will.

Yo, Barnes. Who let a wuss like you in here?

- I work here.

- Christ, what a joke.

Max must be desperate, huh?

Barnes, man, I didn't give you permission

to look at Sharon.

All right, man.

Are you gonna take our order...

or you just gonna stand there

looking stupid?

What would you like?

I thought you said

this was gonna be a smooth trip.

It's those damn fluorocarbons.

They've been kicking hell out of the ozone.

These people, they don't give a damn

about their environment.

Hey, I'm glowing righteous.

The end is near, dude.

- Death rays!

- Yeah, but I, like, been totally...

There have been some changes

since your day.

No sh*t.

Let me tell you something, man.

This sh*t is so fine...

it's going to turn your head inside out,

upside down, in every which way.

It's going to totally destroy your mind.

- Where are we, Mars?

- No, Fort Lauderdale.

- Whatever happened to Elvis?

- He's Uptown.

I'm not so sure about these changes.

Well, some I can live with.

Hey, nobody can see us, right?

Not unless you want them to.

However, the rule is...

you reveal yourself

only to your assignment and no one else.

Will you give me a break? I've been

on the subway for a long, long time.

Try a cold shower, it still works.

Hey!

Watch it, jerk!

Let him come.

You a**hole.

What a spazola!

So...

Who's it going to be?

Which one of these lucky kids

is my assignment?

The spazola.

I don't ever, ever, want to see your face

around here again! You understand that?

Not unless you're a paying customer.

You know Max

really doesn't mean that, Lenny.

Now, go on, beat it, schmuck.

- Maybe he does.

- See you, Melissa.

- Wiener!

- See you, Barnes!

"Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still

"Should, without eyes, see pathways to his

"Where shall we dine?

"Here's much to do with hate

But more with love"

You gotta watch that first step, kid.

It's a nasty one.

- Sorry about that.

- It's okay.

- I guess I owe you my life.

- Forget it.

All in the line of duty.

- But, if you hadn't been here, I would...

- Yep.

You'd be a pile of hamburger.

How did you do that?

I'll be seeing you.

Where are you going?

- Got a train to catch.

- You from out of town?

- Yeah, you could say that.

- Look, I want to thank you.

Sure thing.

Wait, I don't even know your name.

- Going somewhere?

- Yeah, Uptown.

No, you're not.

- Well, I did my job, right?

- Wrong.

What? What do you mean "wrong"?

Saved his life, didn't I?

What else am I supposed to do?

Become his friend.

You got to be kidding me.

He needs somebody to talk to.

Well, buy him a German shepherd.

He thinks that he's worthless.

Well, he might be on to something.

It's your job to show him he's not.

- How am I supposed to do that?

- That is up to you.

I've been stuck on a subway

all these years for this?

Why couldn't you send me down here

to rescue some orphans or something?

Rafferty, it ain't going to work.

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