The Hip Hop Project Page #7

- I can't be there at 1:00.

- It's been a long time trying

to make it happen and pushing

and selling people on the idea

and thousands of phone calls

and trying to, you know,

look past when people going

through their emotional ruts,

pulling them up,

draining myself.

I'm just tired of trying

to push everybody.

If you keep pushing people

or keep holding their hand,

they never get a chance

to do it they self.

So right now I'm just

trying to focus on myself

and learn to let go.

A lot of people counted me out

since I was young.

They would say I was

going to be a criminal,

and I was just headed for jail.

I kind of came back

just to let them know, like,

you know, I'm doing good.

And I had some ups and downs,

but for the most part,

I feel like I'm successful.

This is where I grew up at.

When my mother left me,

her friend May

used to live here.

Wow.

Been a long, long time.

My mother used to send money,

and instead of giving it to me,

May used to spend it,

her and her husband.

I remember them kicking me out,

and child welfare,

they found me out there

on the corner

just standing up crying

and stuff.

I'll always remember

this place.

Every time I pass here,

I get, like, little flashbacks.

The children's emergency hostel

is a home for kids who aren't wanted.

I haven't been in this place

in more than 20 years.

I was like, three years old,

and I was here for two years.

You got to be the first one

out of the bathroom

to make sure you get

your clothes.

Because we used to go to school,

we had no underwear, no socks.

But you know, back then,

you didn't really care.

You just was, like,

happy to have something to wear,

you know what I'm saying?

I seen two little boys in there,

and I guess I used to be

just like them, and, you know,

just-I just feel like

I just came a long way.

And it's funny how life is,

you know?

Just-you never know

the twists and turns

that's going to happen.

And hopefully one day

I can make enough money,

and I can give back

to places like this,

you know what I'm saying?

Because they-they-

you never know who'll be in here next,

you know what I'm saying?

So I stayed there

until I was four years old.

A lady by the name

of Catherine Brown,

she worked there

as a social worker.

- At that time,

Christopher was observed

that he was not having

any visitors.

So I asked permission

to have Christopher come

and visit with us.

Maybe something more

could be done for him

than for him to spend

the rest of his time

at the children's emergency hostel.

- We developed a relationship,

and she asked me,

did I want to come live with her

for a longer period of time,

and I said, "All right. "

- As he got older,

he had a problem wondering,

how could strangers love him

rather than his own mother?

- He was searching,

and she knew, too, that he was

searching for an identity,

and that was something that she

was determined to help him find.

- All I learned about adolescents

I learned from Christopher.

He really put us through-

through a lot,

but we still persevered with him.

- Her family

was pretty welcoming

until I was about 14 years old,

and I did something that broke

the camel's back, I guess.

They asked me

if I wanted to stay,

and I said, "No. "

I put them through too much,

and I didn't want to be around all the hate

that was from the rest of the family.

I went back

to another orphanage.

Supposedly they were saying

I was crazy,

and they was filling you up with

Ritalin and drugs and all this stuff.

But there wasn't nothing

wrong with me,

you know what I'm saying?

The psychiatrist just said,

"This guy is looking for

something more in this life.

There's something missing. "

So he contacted the American Embassy,

who found my mother,

and they sent a letter to her

and asked her,

did she want me to come live with her?

And I got on the plane

a couple weeks later.

- I felt like I was a failure,

you know,

that I didn't do what

I was supposed to do for him

and all of that, you know?

But when I looked back

as time went on,

I realized that, you know,

it was-it was better for him.

- I want to see Chris

be an example,

particularly kids

who are institutionalized,

so they, too, can have something

to work towards,

because they can see success

at the end.

Mm-hmm.

And finally, too,

I'd like to see him bond

with his biological mom.

I think that's primary.

Should you decide to get married

and have children of your own,

you would know the importance

of a family life,

and you'd be able

to pass that on to yours.

- It's good seeing you.

- Yeah, you too, Chris.

- You take care.

- Yeah.

Don't let the girls

run away with you now.

- You never know

where life leads you,

and you never know when you're

going to see somebody again,

and I really wanted Mumi to see

that I turned out good.

It wasn't a waste of time.

- Yeah, this is for

my kids' kids' kids.

For our kids.

You know, H-H-P.

Uh, sh*t.

Go-go-go-getters.

Aha.

Yeah.

Look at our hip-hop

Nothing but jewelry

and fake cars

Its Big Pac

Damn we shooting at A stars

I hope when they aim at me

They got the pupils

of Ray Charles

Don't let a positive

turn to a negative

Here's a jewel that I learned

from a relative check

Every gesture

is a world to be mastered

So if you reach from your hip

Does it mean I got a earl

in my casket

People like to rhyme

for their block

I think my flow greater

I'm not a Hove hater

But then again,

I made it a ill habit

To study the creator

of Illmatic

I want a album

with diamond at least

'Cause I'm sick ofwatching

these innocents die in the street

Sing to me

There's a world out there,

black man

That really don't care

about you

Fear and doubt you

There's a world out there,

black queen

That really don't care

about you

Fear and doubt you

There's a world out there,

black man

That really don't care

about you

Fear and doubt you

Here's proof your relationship

a messed-up world

'Cause while she-

Oh, I messed up she.

She, I said she.

He.

Now here's proof your relationship

a messed-up world

'Cause while he lying

and cheating

Denying you need him

You crying,

you weak

And you don't,

you just a messed up girl

I get a hip

Oh, f***.

Blah.

- Every day,

there's a session in here.

Everybody just seems

more enthused

and more to where they step

into the plate at bat.

It gets to the point to where

it's like once we create,

we don't want to stop.

- I'm glad to be back.

I definitely see the growth,

see the change.

As we move on to the pinnacle,

taking it to the top,

I pray that everybody

stay together, stay focused.

Pass it to my left.

- Recording in the studio.

Speaking to my pops more often.

- When you say with your pops, right...

- Yeah.

- Who initiate that?

You call him or-

- Now it's to the point that,

like, if he can hit me up

or I can hit him up,

it doesn't matter,

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