The Hippopotamus Page #5

but nothing can be truly

cured or made whole.

Everything rots.

And that's the beastly

bloody end of it.

Would anyone like

a comforting chamomile?

I think Tedward and I

might have a chat

over something a bit stronger.

'So, I was sent here

to investigate miracles

'and have now been induced to

refute their very existence.

'More than a coincidence,

I fancy.

'I'm beginning to feel

like doubting Thomas

'on a certain easter morning.'

What follows, you will never

discuss with anyone.

[Clock ticks]

My father came to this country

from Massachusetts in 1936.

When the war came, he enlisted

and trained as an engineering

officer in the R.A.F.

Later that year, a young man

came round the base.

His father had a metal splinter

in his foot. It was gangrenous.

The boy knew the doctor

would amputate

and he asked my father for help.

My father touched the foot,

the splinter came out,

and the wound healed.

- Instantly?

- Yes.

Well, I don't want

to spoil the story,

but that could have

happened by chance.

That was just the first time.

A few more miracles,

and people began to talk.

By the end of the war,

he was being hounded.

It was intolerable.

That was another time.

It was 70 years ago, Ted,

not the Middle Ages.

I never had a gift. I... I guess

it skipped a generation.

It's a childhood fairy tale.

Anne has asthma.

Do you remember that hot summer

four or five years ago?

[Wheezes]

[Michael] 'David and I

were out one afternoon

'and she suffered

a terrible attack.'

[Wheezes]

Mum?

[Michael] 'Simon was there,

doing C.P.R.

like he'd been taught,

'but it wasn't working.'

Five, six, seven, eight, nine...

We got back.

David heard the commotion...

rushed in,

pushed his brother aside,

and placed his hands

on his mother's chest,

and she began to breathe.

You're saying

David saved her life?

Healed.

Not another attack since.

'It's like Stephen Hawking

'announcing he still

believes in Santa Claus.

'I don't mind my old friends

turning into venal a**holes,

'but it's rather unnerving

when they go crazy.'

Jane came to stay

with us at Easter.

The leukemia had taken hold

and the doctors had given her

three weeks to live.

She wanted to spend them

somewhere peaceful.

She took to her bed

the moment she arrived.

The end of the first week,

she began to look better.

'The second week,

she thought she'd get up.

'The third week, entirely cured.

'David had been with her

every day.'

There just must be

a rational explanation.

David's hands heal.

I've seen it with my own eyes.

But I'm at a loss.

We're private people.

We don't make a fuss.

But this feels big, important.

Do I hide it like a curse

or shout it from the rooftops?

Why, in the name of

dysfunction, are you asking me?

Yesterday, you made a big fuss

about being David's godfather.

Earn the title.

[Text alert]

Hm.

'There was an old poet

called Ted

'who was in well over his head

'he struggled to think

why he shouldn't just drink

'and collapse assholed

into his bed.'

[Horse wheezing]

[David] Hello, Lilac.

I've brought you an apple.

[Horse wheezes]

[Birds tweet]

[Knock at door]

Oh...

Go away.

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

- Hallelujah!

- Oh, what's got into you?

[Giggles] Lilac is well.

There are more things

in heaven and earth, Tedatio.

You have heard?

Ai bien entendu,

ma vieille orange.

Oh, by all means, come in.

Why don't you ask Podmore too?

If Lilac is cured, then maybe

Clara can be made beautiful.

- Where are you off to now?

- To find David.

Lilac didn't cure herself.

[Door shuts]

Christ. Wait!

'There is nothing to put me in

a foul mood more effectively

'than seeing Oliver happy.

'But the realization

that I had slept through

'some kind of

miraculous occurrence

'ran a close second.

'David was yet to claim Lilac's

recovery as his handiwork,

'but the notion hung in the air

above Swafford,

'like a piss-filled Hindenburg.'

I need to find your brother.

I haven't seen him.

Er... but hop in.

We'll cover more ground.

What do you think

happened with Lilac?

[Simon] I always check her

field. There isn't any ragwort.

Yes, I heard you with the vet.

No ragwort, no cure,

no explanation.

Saint David of Swafford

and his magic hands.

Sh*t!

Stop this f***ing

motorized hairdryer!

[Engine backfires]

Mm.

Oh.

- Hi, David.

- Hello, Oliver.

What about

this laying on of hands?

[Simon] Dunno.

You're not in the miracle camp?

Sorry.

Have you ever seen him do it?

Once on Mum.

What happened?

David put his hands on her

and she got better.

No flashing lights?

Angelic chorus?

She just came to.

I need to see for myself.

F***ing Jane and her "seeing

what needs to be seen".

[Engine starts]

[Simon] There we go.

Where the hell have you been?

'Pull yourself together, Ted.

'Existential crises

are for wankers

'and characters

in Scandinavian films.'

[Michael] I told you

to look after David.

He's nowhere to be found.

That f***ing horse has put the

cat among the f***ing pigeons!

It's my father all over again.

It's in hand.

You have my word.

- Which is worth what, exactly?

- Well, it's all I

Oh, hello, boys.

You're looking well.

Mm... eugh! Eurgh!

F***ing magic.

Oh, forget him.

He's too jaded to feel wonder.

Whereas you... you have the

power to change the world.

[Laughs]

[Bottle rattles]

[Pills bounce]

Clara's up next.

I'll find him.

'Oliver was gloating

over his own cure.

'Now our fearless teenage leader

'was sneaking off

to find Clara.'

[Wheezes]

'If young saint David

'could transform Valerie's

unlovely offspring

'into some new-age Aphrodite,

'that was a miracle

I had to see.'

David? It's uncle Ted.

[Pants]

- [Train whistle blows]

- [Commentary on TV]

[Man on TV]

'The steam whistle replaced

by the turgid sound of diesel

'and now electric trains.'

- Mr. Wallace?

- I'm looking for David.

Oh, one of the great

undertakings of our age.

[Oliver groans]

- What the hell was that?

- I hear nothing, sir.

Don't tell me the last bastion

of sanity of this house

is abandoning his faculties too?

The greater the discretion,

the larger the tip.

Do you know where David is?

Oh, come on, John.

I know you see everything

that goes on round here.

- He's a bugger for hiding.

- Go on.

Frequently doesn't

sleep in his bed.

Never leaves by the door when

there's the option of a window.

In fact, he must spend most

nights out in the grounds.

But where?

[David] 'I licked the grass,

'licked it clean.

'Clean grass is hay,

'gold hay for the flesh.

'I hugged the leaves,

'squeezed their green.

'Squeezed sap is blood

'and blood must be fresh.'

And sowed the seed,

seed of my own.

Oh! Hello, Valerie!

- [Text alert]

- Oh.

[Grunts]

Oh.

[Sighs]

Come on, Clara.

Just up at the woods.

Oh, god.

[Pants]

[Grunts]

Oh. Ooh!

[Grunts and sighs]

[Groans]

Ow. Ah.

Eurgh.

[David sighs]

[David] If you let the spirit

in, it will heal you.

Feel the spirit surging through

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