The Hippopotamus Page #7

for having a relationship.

I mean, if we're being

absolutely frank,

the only reason

I come on this show

is because I get to f*** you

from time to time

and indulging

those kind of absurd whims

is the highest compliment

our sex can pay yours.

Thank you, Mr. Wallace.

Is... ls that it?

'This was just me

spitting on my hands

'and getting down to work.'

'for the next five years,

'I made a pile of all

my treasures and talents,

'clambered up on top

'and cheerfully

self-immolated

'like a Laotian monk.

'Since then, Rebecca

has performed

diligently as my nemesis.

'We are the jangling skeletons

in each other's closets.'

Jane told me

you'd come down here,

but I didn't actually believe

that you would have the...

She asked me to investigate

her recovery.

She has proved

the doctors wrong,

and that's good enough for me.

You're not interested

in the how and the why?

Ignoring your goddaughter

during her youth is one thing,

but taking advantage

of her is repugnant.

I am not exploiting

your daughter.

Oh, of course not.

You're just taking her money.

Of which she's got loads.

But what she needs is

someone willing to get to

the bottom of this cure.

[Laugh]

And you're the man for that job?

Yes.

And how's it going,

this noble quest?

Come on, Ted Wallace.

The only thing you've

ever got to the

bottom of is a whiskey bottle.

[Gulps]

[Mobile rings]

[Mobile rings]

[Mobile rings]

Are you happy?

'Yes.

'Yes! Thank you.

'Isn't it wonderful?'

It's an impenetrable

load of bollocks

and I've got no way into it

or through it or anything else.

Keep your money, Jane.

I have done bugger all.

Be happy-

I can't discredit David's gift.

'Your cure is yours to have.'

Ted, you can have it too.

'Just open your heart.'

What if I don't want to?

You must.

'No, I mustn't.

'I don't have to do anything,

'or desperately cling

to any of your

ridiculous superstitions,

'because I'm not about

to kick the bucket.'

- [glass smashes]

- Aah! Bugger!

'I'm not about

to kick the bucket.

'Kick the bucket.'

Oh, Christ.

It's, "physician, heal thyself."

I need the vet's number.

- [Ted types]

- Um... zero, double one,

four, nine, six,

zero, treble nine.

Is, um... is David

very angry with me?

He'll be fine. You've done

more for him than you realize.

'Mr. Ogden?'

about the horse this morning,

Lilac Logan.

Yeah, I know

that's not her real name.

[Door opens and shuts]

- [He grunts]

- [Anne] Late for dinner, Ted?

Er... I'll be dressed

in a minute.

[She chuckles]

Go through without me.

I... I've just seen David.

What is wrong with him?

Bit knocked about,

but he'll be fine.

- Oh.

- Annie?

Do you think

he's a miracle worker?

Well, I, um...

You're his mother. If he is,

you must sense something.

I... I think he's a magical boy.

But sometimes...

I still wheeze.

I've always known

you are a wonder.

I think it's time for us

to go public.

That's for me and Anne

to decide.

Oh, for God's sake!

It's not a guilty secret.

It's a wonderful,

wonderful miracle

that makes everyone happy!

I'm sorry to piss

on your chips, Oliver,

but I'm not happy.

Of course not. Sweet Jesus,

you're a piece of work.

Sorry, Michael.

- What's going on?

- Michael.

I've listened to the stories,

but I don't believe

in David's powers.

One chance to raise his eyes

to heaven and what does he say?

[Rebecca]

It's a bit odd, isn't it,

that a poet, of all people,

should be the

only one not convinced?

Not at all.

I'm a poet because

I'm very mundane.

I'm only good with

what I can taste and see

and hear and smell and touch.

Oh, so you come to sneer at us

up your snotty sleeve?

Jane asked me.

She told me there were

miracles at Swafford

which she wanted me

to investigate.

And?

And I think David is

proud and sensitive.

Oh.

[Laughs] ls that it?

Oliver, be quiet.

I... I would like to hear

what Ted has to say.

No teenager is as clever

as they'd like to be.

David is at the point

where he has glimpsed ideas,

but their true meaning

lies beyond his reach.

Our culture rewards

different and special.

The stories we tell our

children are of superheroes

and foundlings

with undiscovered talents

that soar to towering heights.

Michael told his son a story

that any child would like

to be the center of,

and David decided it was true.

It's no story.

I know what I've seen and felt.

You've seen and fed the

delusions of an ordinary child.

- Ted, what...

- [Anne] Darling.

My father's gift.

I've seen it work.

Alright. Yes.

Your father did have a gift

and it was passed on.

Oh, he's off his head!

He doesn't know what

he's talking about!

Oliver, you will

not interrupt again!

I'm sorry, Ted. Please continue.

Michael's father's gift

was passed on

- to Simon.

- Simon?

A few summers ago,

Anne suffered

a terrible asthma attack.

- 'Simon kept his head...

- Mum? Mum.

And tried to

get her breathing.'

'David broke past and put

his hands on Anne's chest

'just as Simon's first aid

started to work.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Michael.

You saw your wife recover and

you thought of your father,

and then you told David

that he had inherited a gift.

He told Jane

and when she, too, got better,

he let the bush telegraph

do the rest.

So, you're claiming that

Simon has been healing people?

Your father didn't

have healing powers.

He had kindness,

courage and sense,

and that is what

Simon has inherited.

David envisaged something

far more grandiose.

He told himself that

as long as he stayed pure,

his semen would be

a channel for healing.

And a far more powerful one

than his hands could ever be.

Jane, beautiful, wonderful,

desperate Jane,

presented him

with the ideal test case.

'I'm afraid it's probable

'he tried the same trick

on Lilac.'

[Horse whinnies]

Oh, my God.

' [Creaks] ' [Whimpers]

Only Oliver can say

what technique was used.

How dare you?

You seduced my son?

It was a cure.

He cured me.

- Go and get David.

- Yes, Mum.

But people are better,

and none of this explains Lilac.

Lilac was my fault.

On my first morning here,

I dropped a bottle of whiskey

into this bucket.

And Lilac must have

lapped and lapped.

She was drunk

and then she was hung over.

Je was vomin.

God knows what you

thought you were doing.

And what do you say to this?

[Stomach rumbles]

Did you really throw away

all your pills?

I don't need them.

I've never felt better.

Then why were you shouting

in agony in your bedroom?

[Oliver sobs]

I don't know what's the matter

with you all.

Jane.

Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane.

Yes.

Remissions occur.

- Davey's not in his room.

- What?

- But I found this.

- Darling.

The noise at the door.

If he overheard me... Christ.

Oh, wait till I find

that little sh*t!

Five minutes ago, you thought

he was the second coming.

' [Dog barks] ' Davey!

Come on, Soda. Where's Davey?

Davey!

[Simon] Davey!

Where are you?!

David!

[Simon] David!

[Michael] David!

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