The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Page #2

Help yourself.

Hmm. It's just that, um,

I wasn't expecting company.

That'll be the door.

Balin, at your service.

- Good evening.

- Yes. Yes, it is.

- Though I think it might rain later.

- Hm?

Am I late?

Late for what?

Oh! Ha, ha!

Evening, brother.

By my beard...

...you're shorter and

wider than last we met.

Wider, not shorter.

Sharp enough for both of us.

Uh, excuse me? Sorry, I hate to interrupt.

But the thing is, I'm not entirely sure

you're in the right house.

Have you eaten?

It's not that I don't like visitors.

I like visitors as much as the next Hobbit.

But I do like to know them

before they come visiting.

- What is this?

- I don't know.

- I think it's cheese. Gone blue.

- It's riddled with mold.

The thing is, I don't know either of you.

Not in the slightest.

I don't mean to be blunt,

but I had to speak my mind.

- I'm sorry.

- You think...?

Apology accepted.

- Ah.

- Now, fill it up, brother, don't stint.

- You wanna get stuck in?

- I could eat again if you insist, brother.

- Fili.

- And Kili.

At your service.

- You must be Mr. Boggins.

- Nope! You can't come in.

- You've come to the wrong house.

- What?

- Has it been canceled?

- No one told us.

- No, nothing's been canceled.

- That's a relief.

Careful with these.

I just had them sharpened.

- It's nice, this place.

- Yeah.

- Did you do it yourself?

- What? No, it's been in the family for years.

That's my mother's glory box.

Can you please not do that?

Fili, Kili. Come on, give us a hand.

Mr. Dwalin. Ha, ha.

Shove this in the hallway.

Otherwise we'll never get everyone in.

"Everyone"? How many more are there?

- Where do you want this?

- Oh, no.

- It's really heavy.

- No. No. There's nobody home!

Go away and bother somebody else.

There's far too many Dwarves

in my dining room as it is.

If this is some clot-head's

idea of a joke...

...I can only say it is in very poor taste.

Get off, you big lump!

Gandalf.

Those are my pri...! Excuse me, not my wine.

Put that back. Put that back.

Not the jam, please.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

It's a tad excessive, isn't it?

Have you got a cheese knife?

- "Cheese knife"? He eats it by the block.

- Ugh.

No, that's Grandpa Mungo's chair...

No, so is that. Take it back, please.

- I cannot hear what you're saying. BILBO:

- It's an antique. Not for sitting on.

That is a book, not a coaster.

And put that map down.

- Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf?

- Yes?

May I tempt you with a cup of chamomile?

Oh, no, thank you, Dori.

A little red wine for me, I think.

- Whoop! Mind out.

- Yes. Ah.

Uh, Fili, Kili. Uh...

Oin, Gloin.

Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur...

- ...Dori, Nori. Ori!

- No. Not my prizewinners, thank you.

No, thank you.

Yes, you're quite right, Bifur.

We appear to be one Dwarf short.

He is late, is all. He traveled north

to a meeting of our kin. He will come.

Mr. Gandalf? A little glass of red wine,

as requested.

It's got a fruity bouquet.

Oh. Cheers.

Bombur's on his second leg of lamb already.

Hmm.

No chance. Not from that distance.

Wanna bet?

Bombur, catch!

I'll help you with that.

Oh, you great galumphing git!

- Who wants an ale? There you go.

- Over here, brother.

I said have another drink. Here you go.

Ale on the count of three!

One, two...

Up!

I knew you had it in you!

Excuse me, that is a

doily, not a dishcloth.

But it's full of holes.

It's supposed to look like that.

It's crochet.

And a wonderful game it is too,

if you've got the balls for it.

Be bother and confusticate these Dwarves!

My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?

What's the matter?

I'm surrounded by Dwarves.

What are they doing here?

Oh, they're quite a merry gathering

once you get used to them.

I don't want to get used to them.

Look at the state of my kitchen.

There's mud trod into the carpet.

They've pillaged the pantry.

I won't tell you what they've done

in the bathroom.

They've destroyed the plumbing. I don't

understand what they're doing in my house!

Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt,

but what should I do with my plate?

Here you go, Ori. Give it to me.

Take that back. Excuse me.

That's my mother's West Farthing pottery.

It's over 100 years old!

And can you not do that? You'll blunt them.

Ooh. Do you hear that, lads?

He says we'll blunt the knives.

Blunt the knives, bend the forks

Smash the bottles and bum the corks

Chip the glasses and crack the plates

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates

Cut the cloth, tread on the fat

Leave the bones on the bedroom mat

Pour the milk on the pantry floor

Splash the wine on every door

Dump the crooks in a boiling bowl

Pound them up with a thumping pole

When you're finished, if they are whole

Send them down the hall to roll

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates

Bilbo.

He is here.

Gandalf.

I thought you said this place

would be easy to find.

I lost my way, twice.

I wouldn't have found it at all

had it not been for that mark on the door.

Mark? There's no mark on that door.

It was painted a week ago.

There is a mark. I put it there myself.

Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce

the leader of our company:

Thorin Oakenshield.

So...

...this is the Hobbit.

Tell me, Mr. Baggins,

have you done much fighting?

- Pardon me?

- Ax or sword?

What's your weapon of choice?

Well, I do have some skill at conkers,

if you must know...

...but I fail to see why that's relevant.

Thought as much.

He looks more like a grocer than a burglar.

What news from the meeting in Ered Luin?

Did they all come?

- Aye. Envoys from all seven kingdoms.

- All of them!

And what did the Dwarves

of the Iron Hills say?

Is Dain with us?

They will not come.

They say this quest is ours and ours alone.

You're going on a quest?

Bilbo, my dear fellow,

let us have a little more light.

Far to the east...

...over ranges and rivers...

...beyond woodlands and wastelands...

...lies a single, solitary peak.

"The Lonely Mountain."

Aye, Oin has read the portents...

...and the portents say it is time.

Ravens have been seen flying back

to the mountain, as it was foretold.

"When the birds of yore return to Erebor...

...the reign of the beast will end."

Uh, what beast?

That would be a reference

to Smaug the Terrible...

...chiefest and greatest

calamity of our age.

Airborne fire-breather.

Teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks.

- Extremely fond of precious metals.

- Yes, I know what a dragon is.

I'm not afraid. I'm up for it.

I'll give him a taste of Dwarfish iron

right up his jacksie!

- Good lad, Ori!

- Sit down.

The task would be difficult enough

with an army behind us...

...but we number just 13.

And not 13 of the best...

...nor brightest.

Here, who are you calling dim?

Sorry, what did he say?

We may be few in number...

...but we're fighters, all of us,

to the last Dwarf.

And you forget,

we have a Wizard in our company.

Gandalf will have killed

hundreds of dragons in his time.

Oh, well, no. I wouldn't say...

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