The Homecoming: A Christmas Story Page #5

Clean off the limb of

a dead chestnut tree.

OLIVIA:

I declare.

I think

I'll cook him tonight.

Sure looks like

a store-bought turkey to me.

Oh, won't John be surprised

when he walks in that door

and finds a Christmas turkey

roasting

in the oven?

Well, look here, I, uh...

I got some more stops

to make before the night's over,

so I'll just, uh, wish y'all

a merry Christmas.

Oh, Charlie,

stay and have some

of my applesauce cake.

We'll slice one

warm from the oven.

I can't, Olivia,

but I'm much obliged

to you.

Why don't I, you know,

stop in tomorrow

and spend a little bit

of time with John?

You do that, now.

Night, everybody.

Bye, bye.

Night, Charlie.

Hey, Mama,

where you reckon

Charlie got that bird?

Getting late, John-Boy.

Milk the cow.

I think milking a cow

is about the most disgusting

thing anybody ever did.

You know any other way

to get the milk out?

Jay said it would be

a lot easier

if you could just

screw off her tail

and dip it out

with a gourd.

( chuckles )

Did you ever have a date?

Oh, sure.

I mean, a real date.

Well, yeah, I've had real dates.

Remember that time

after prayer meeting

when you walked home

with Gwen Foster?

Yeah.

What'd you do?

( cow bellows )

We just walked.

What else?

Nothing else.

Did you kiss her?

I tried to.

Why didn't you?

( sighs )

Her daddy come out

on the porch.

Have you kissed many girls?

Well, yeah, I've kissed a few.

On the lips?

Why, sure.

What was it like?

( cow bellows )

It was right nice.

I don't think I've got

long to live.

Oh, Mary Ellen, will you quit?

Well, I just feel

like any minute now

I'm just going to...

just explode!

By the time I'm 14,

they'll wrap me in bed sheets

and hide me

in the attic.

You better calm yourself

down, girl.

( sighs ):

I am calm!

I will be calm!

I am a calm person!

You got the growing pains.

When do they stop?

One morning you're

going to wake up,

and they'll all be gone.

One day I expect you'll be

a right pretty girl.

What good's a pretty face

with a figure like this?

Mm, they'll grow.

What?

Your bosoms.

( cow bellows )

You know,

one day you might

even grow up to be

as pretty as your mama.

Hey, I'll race you home.

I spill this milk,

Mama will kill me.

Okay, then I'll

race myself home.

FIBBER:

...giving me that pitch

about Kenny and Raddy and Buddy.

TEENY:

Hi, mister. Hi, Mrs. McGee.

FIBBER:

Hi. I'm very busy

right now, Teeny.

MOLLY:

Hello, Teeny. You having fun?

TEENY:

Sure. Me and Kenny and Buddy

and Raddy and Johnny

have been practicing

our Christmas carols.

Mama, do you think

I'm pretty?

No.

I think you're

beautiful.

Thanks, Mama.

You're welcome, Mary Ellen.

Where is everybody?

They're in there

listening to the radio.

TEENY:

Well, okay, then.

So long, Mrs. McGee.

Hey, kids...

FIBBER:

Darn kids.

Breaking my back

shoveling snow.

MOLLY:

Why don't you let the children

sing for you

and get it over with, McGee?

You ought to sit down

and rest a while anyhow.

FIBBER:

You know why I don't let 'em

sing for me, Molly.

Churning in the

living room?

Shh!

Well, I just want to listen

to Fibber and Molly

like everybody else.

FIBBER:

I get all mushy,

and start forgiving everybody

for everything they ever

done to me. Uh-oh.

MOLLY:

What is it, McGee--

did you find the key ring?

FIBBER:

I don't know--

there's something here,

all right,

close to the sidewalk.

( Fibber yells )

MOLLY:

What was it?

FIBBER:

The toe of my overshoe!

( knocking )

Hey, Mrs. Walton.

My goodness, Claudie.

Where are all your

boys and girls?

They're in the living room.

What brings you out

on such a cold, cold night?

I got a surprise for

your boys and girls.

Well, come in

and tell 'em about it.

MOLLY:

The big window knocked over

the floor lamp...

Look who's here.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, Claudie.

Mom said she saw you.

Merry Christmas.

Claudie says he's

got a surprise.

Turn that off.

They got a missionary

box down at the store.

Some woman showed

up with presents.

Says she's going to start

handing out presents

just as soon as

they get a crowd.

Hey, let's go.

Hey, yeah!

OLIVIA:

Wait a minute.

We do not accept charity

in this house.

You took that turkey

from Charlie Snead.

That's enough out of you,

John-Boy.

Why don't you let 'em go?

I can't see anything wrong

with 'em getting a toy,

an apple, or a candy bar.

Mama, can't we go down

there and just watch?

What fun would that be?

It would be something

to do.

Can't we go as long

as we don't take anything?

Mama, we'll just watch

and see what the others get.

MARY ELLEN:

Please?

GRANDPA:

Let 'em go, Livy.

Well...

Oh, maybe it wouldn't do

any harm

just to go and watch.

( cheering )

Now, don't you all stay down

there too long.

We won't, Mama.

We won't, Mama.

And, and... hold...

and-and hold...

somebody hold Elizabeth's hand.

I will, Mama.

Uh-uh-uh, Ben,

button up your coat.

WOMAN:

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas,

children!

How lovely of you to come.

I thought I'd never make it.

I've never seen it

so slippery out.

Oh, come in, children.

Join us.

I know it's cold,

and you want your presents--

but first, I want you to know

why I am here.

Who knows what a missionary is?

Somebody who spreads the

gospel to the infidels.

Exactly!

And I am a missionary.

This year,

I said to the ladies

in our society,

"Why look to some foreign

country for heathens

"when the Blue Ridge Mountains

are filled with 'em?"

So we didn't send off

our gifts

to some unappreciative savages,

but to you,

whose need is just as great.

Now, that is why I am here,

and we shall begin with a song.

Who knows a good song?

"Away in the Manger."

Splendid!

How would you like to start?

Away in the manger

No crib for his bed

The little Lord Jesus

lay down his sweet head

The stars in the sky

looked down where he lay

The little Lord Jesus

asleep in the hay

Oh, again, again!

Louder! Wonderful!

Third verse.

The cattle are lowing,

the baby awakes

But little Lord Jesus

No crying he makes

I love thee, Lord Jesus

Look down from the sky

And stay by my cradle

till morning is nigh.

That... that was lovely,

children.

Now, as everybody knows,

Christmas is Jesus' birthday,

and since the Bible

is Jesus' book,

I want everybody

who comes up here for a present

to have a Bible quote

to tell me.

"To be or not to be"?

( whispering ):

That's not the Bible--

that's Shakespeare.

Anybody here know one?

"What is man that thou

art mindful of him?"

Thanks, Mary Ellen.

"What is man that thou

art mindful of him?"

"What is man

that thou art mindful

of him?"

That is a good quote

and a good question.

Do you know

what it means?

Does anyone?

It means he's so big,

and we're such puny

little old things,

why does he mess

around with us.

Indeed! Yes!

Splendid!

Come along--

someone else!

"Make a joyful noise unto

the Lord, all ye lambs."

"Make a joyful noise

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