The Honeymoon Machine

1

Missile away.

A green bird true on course.

Grand bahama report on sighting.

Grand bahama reporting,

missile honeymoon overhead.

Velocity one-four-triple o.

Pardon me, sir.

Thank you.

Computing room reports

an increase

in predicted takeoff altitude.

We'll be a little

behind schedule, sir.

How much?

E.t.a. Plus three

minutes, forty seconds.

Mr. Eldridge,

you said the missile

would land where?

The missile won't land

at all, senator.

It'll be consumed by friction

as it enters

the earth's atmosphere.

But the nose cone will zero in

off our bow six miles away.

Mr. Eldridge, just out

of idle curiosity,

yes, sir?

Suppose the nose cone yes, sir?

Six miles too soon,

perhaps here on deck.

What would that mean?

Among other things,

senator, it would mean

that the electronic brain

aboard this vessel

had made a slight mistake.

Which it never does.

Would you care to see

the brain at work?

Right.

Would you care to see

the brain at work?

I think the senators are

excellent security risks.

Right this way, gentlemen.

Thank you.

Beyond this panel lies

the cortex of the brain,

the seat of its intelligence.

Technically, the brain is

known as

"magnetic analyzer

computer synchrotron."

His friends call him "Max."

Like the human brain,

Max has no moving parts.

His gray matter consists of

four thousand vacuum tubes

and 170 miles of fine wire,

electronic nerves

producing intense

powers of concentration.

You don't mean Max

actually thinks?

As we understand thinking, no.

But he has a superhuman memory

and a super-analytical mind.

Since the missile

left its launching pad,

Max has been keeping

a running prediction

of its course.

He's telling us now that

the cone will hit its Mark

in exactly

1 minute and 4 seconds.

Let's go, gentlemen.

Out of bearing 0-0-3 degrees.

Distance, 12,100 yards.

Right on the nose, sir.

6 miles, 100 yards.

Congratulations, Mr. Eldridge.

Thank you.

Incredible. It's amazing.

Attention all Navy

and civilian personnel.

This is captain Adams speaking.

Operation honeymoon

has been completed

you'll be proud to learn that

your ship has tracked

an I.C.B.M. Across 6,000

miles of ocean

with an accuracy

never before attained

in the history of telemetry.

For your efforts...

Throw that doodle on the floor.

- Right there.

- You're covered.

And this, my friend,

declares the same.

Fergie, roll them

strong and true.

The point I was using,

gentlemen, is little Joe.

Little Joe from kokomo.

He did it again.

Old buddy, you're hotter

than a $2 pistol.

Gentlemen, we will

shoot the 200.

And while congratulations

are in order,

let us not forget our

top-secret friend Max.

Max, who predicted with such

accuracy

the course of the missile.

Max, predict us now, predict

us, Max, a 7.

And if you can't predict us a 7,

then predict us an 11.

I was praying to Max.

Don't pray to Max...

Pray to me, I've got the dice.

And I predict a 7.

Fergie, the great predictor,

greater than Max, who knows all.

Who needs Max when

we have the great Fergie?

Valuable data,

will now with the aid

of electronic

equipment enlarge...

Snake eyes, craps and out.

Buddy, what happened?

I should have prayed to Max.

Come on, Fergie,

you're still rolling.

Pass.

Should feel proud

and honored to be part

of this gigantic undertaking.

You have seen history in

the making here today.

I might even say

history of your making.

We cannot decorate Max, but we

can salute him as I salute you.

Well done.

I'm just asking, that's all.

Is it possible for Max to

predict the throw of a dice.

Fergie, before answering,

you aren't planning some

sort of little coup

against your brother officers?

Of course not... I'm just

interested scientifically.

Look, forget about the dice.

Think of a roulette wheel.

Could Max tell in any

single spin of the wheel

what number might show up?

Let's examine the problem.

A roulette wheel is

made by human hands.

Since no two human beings

are alike,

the same is true

of human contraptions.

Roulette wheels?

They have irregularities.

A bearing worn

a thousandths of an inch.

A table tilted

a hundredth of a degree.

A ball that isn't

perfectly rounded.

A roulette wheel like this

will not and cannot perform

according to the laws of chance.

Therefore, given such a wheel

and given a fair sample

of what numbers it has

spun in the past...

Feeding those numbers

to Max's memory organ.

With coordinates based on 360

degrees it is just possible...

What's on your mind?

Jason, are you a wealthy man?

I'm a scientist.

All scientists are poor.

It's a law.

How would you like to be the

first rich scientist in history?

I wouldn't fight it.

I happen to know the fleet

is heading north tomorrow.

Barcelona, Rome, venice.

I also happen to know that

in venice there is a casino.

And in that casino...

Is a roulette wheel.

Sharp thinking.

And what do we do?

Smuggle Max in?

I doubt if they'll let him bet.

I was thinking, if we left

someone aboard ship

to look after the technical end,

we could communicate

with Max from shore,

say with a signal lamp.

Feed him the numbers,

get his answers while

you and I put down

a couple of

well-considered wagers.

Am I getting through to you?

One thing I'm not sure of.

What?

Why do you want to spend

10 years in the brig?

Do you realize what they

could do to you for this?

Jason, just answer my question

can Max do it?

Yes or no?

Newton couldn't do it.

Einstein couldn't do it.

A million geniuses with

slide rules couldn't do it.

But this fellow can do it.

Well, then.

Hello, Max.

What are the facts?

Holy cow.

What a layout.

In the bedroom, my good

fellow, thank you.

Hello, room service, please,

servizio Romeo grazie.

Fergie, are

we going to live here?

Why?

Is it big enough?

Don't the furnishings

meet with your approval?

I don't know.

It kind of looks like a place

I'd promised

my wife I'd stay out of.

I'd say one thing, this

sightline was made to order.

Beau, set up the blinker; We'll

give Max a trial flash.

Servizio Romeo?

Suite 4-6.

Would you please send up

two bottles of scotch,

two bourbon, two vodka, one gin,

one vermouth, one cognac.

If I have any afterthoughts,

I'll give you a buzz.

Grazie.

One afterthought might

be a liquor license.

Who's going to pay

for all of that?

My friends, it's about time we

started living in a style

in which we are about to become

accustomed.

Here you go, my good fellow.

Beau, let me have

a little cash, will you?

How much?

That'll do.

Buy yourself a gondola?

Grazie, signor.

Mille grazie.

Well, you gave

that man 6,000 lire.

Piddling $7.

$9 and 57.68 cents.

So? He'll remember us.

He might even remember us at

the court-martial.

You can't be

court-martialed but I can.

And I'm getting worried.

Frankly, I'd like to pull out of

this whole deal right now.

Beau!

I'm going to save

you from yourself.

I won't let you pull out.

Why?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes