The Hot Rock

- Name?

- Dortmunder.

This way.

Sign here.

- What is your name?

- Dortmunder.

- Your first name?

- John.

Put your package

on the table right here.

Step over here.

Gimme your right hand.

Get over this way a little bit.

All right, swish your thumb

in the red dish, take a napkin...

wipe your finger off

and remain standing there.

- Your name?

- John Dortmunder.

Do you wanna, uh,

check your belongings, please?

I couldn't let you leave without

hearing my rehabilitation speech.

Sign here.

You don't have to worry about me

getting rehabilitated, sir.

I already am.

Thanks to you

and your prison programs.

Johnny. Johnny.

This is me, remember?

No matter what institution I'm at,

sooner or later I got you inside it.

You couldn't, um, really go straight?

My heart wouldn't

be in it, Frank.

Man on discharge.

Dortmunder!

Damn. Dortmunder!

What the hell you running for?

It's me, your old pal, Kelp.

- Ah.

- So how was it this time?

Not bad.

I learned plumbing.

Man of your talents

can't be a plumber.

You don't have to worry yourself

about my talents.

I'm not doin'

any more jobs with you.

Who mentioned a job?

You mean, you don't think it's possible

I came out of friendship?

Look, I happen to be married

to your sister, and we both

happen to care for you.

And if you think that's easy,

you're wrong because you're

a very abrasive fellow.

Most people can't stand you.

Am I right?

You're still as fascinating as ever.

I took a hell of a risk

stealing this car so

you'd have a little comfort...

to ease you back into society.

Why does that

entitle me to abuse?

It's terrific. I'm sorry.

- Don't apologize unless you mean it.

- I mean it.

- Really?

- Really.

Okay, good. I believe you.

So now let me tell you

a few things about the job.

- Well?

- I don't think so.

I know you.

When you say no, you mean yes.

Say you'll at least meet the doctor,

okay? He's the moneyman.

I'm not being pushy but where's

the harm seeing if you like each other?

- You're not being pushy?

- I'm just edging you

towards making a decision.

There's a difference.

There's a difference.

There's six ways of lookin'

at this. You could look

at this in 100 different ways.

I'm just sayin', let's take two ways

to look at it that way.

Now, listen, I didn't tell the doctor

about you being in prison.

I figure, why undermine his confidence.

He wants the best for his money.

Not that you're not the best.

But a layman might wonder

why you're all the time in jail.

Someday the schoolbooks

of my country will sing your praises.

I don't think we want

this nosed around, do we, Doctor?

I was taking poetic license.

Our literacy rate in Central Vatawi

is 99 percent.

The point is, my entire country

will be in your debt...

for returning the Sahara Stone

to its rightful people.

- This is him?

- I am the permanent representative...

- of Central Vatawi

at the United Nations.

- Some job of explaining you did.

You may call me "Doctor" Amusa,

Mr. Dortmunder.

You see, the countries

of Central and Outer Vatawi...

have been stealing the Sahara Stone

from one another for generations.

We like to think

it was originally ours.

The whole matter at present is

being studied by the United Nations.

Being a member of that body...

I, of course, have complete faith in

the wisdom of their eventual decision.

But as you Americans might say,

in case they blow it...

I'd feel more secure

with the jewel in my possession...

which is why,

naturally enough, we are here.

Mr. Dortmunder is not entirely

committed yet, Doctor.

I won't pay a penny

more than 25,000 a man.

I didn't ask for any more.

It comes to a total

of exactly $100,000.

Four men. If you need five,

you'll each take less.

What if we can do it with three?

That will still be 25,000.

I wouldn't want

to encourage greed.

There's no greed around here, Doctor.

We're all men of goodwill.

If I weren't a man of goodwill...

I might think that some of us lied...

about the prison records

of others of us.

As it is, I know it

was only an oversight.

The doctor is, uh,

a most understanding employer.

How much help are you good for?

What kind of help?

Vehicles, weapons,

whatever's needed.

- Oh, matriel, of course.

- And expenses.

- Expenses?

- Come on, little birdies,

and get your supper.

- What?

- Come on. Come on, dears,

and get your supper.

Come on. Near the bench.

Here. You, come on. Get it.

Come and get it, dearies.

Come and get it.

He means expenses

to live on, Doctor.

- Planning something like this

could take weeks.

- Oh, the sweet little...

Oh, you mean an advance

on your 25,000?

- No, that's not what I mean.

- I'm sure something can be arranged.

What I mean is expenses

in addition to the 25,000.

- I mean per diem. I mean

whatever is needed in order...

- I'm sorry.

It's-It's not possible.

Good-bye.

Doctor, the man

is fresh out of prison.

How's he supposed to eat?

How's he supposed to keep

body and soul together, Doctor?

- All right.

- All right!

Eat your supper, I tell ya.

I'll let you have $75 a week.

- Seventy-five?

- Seventy-five.

Do you realize what

the cost of living is in this town?

Cheap.

I couldn't work for it.

How can you insult the man

with an offer like that?

Offer him 150.

- I can make him take 150.

- Yes. Right I am.

You want the stone,

you'll say 150.

You say it for me.

I'll tell you something, you are

the poorest birds I've ever seen.

Hey.!

Hey, Amusa thinks

you're a fabulous guy.

He's apologetic as hell.

He's happy to go 150.

The reason he said 75

was because he got confused.

He started thinking in Africa money.

You hear? He'll go 150.

That's a good deal. It is.

It's good and it's bad.

There's a guaranteed return,

and that's good.

But the guarantor is Amusa,

and Amusa's a rookie, and that's bad.

But it's an easily transportable

object, and that's good.

Only it's in a rotten position

in the museum...

and that's bad.

And the glass over the stone,

that's bad too, because that's

glass with metal mixed in it.

Bullet proof. Shatter proof.

But the locks don't look impossible...

three, maybe five, tumblers.

But there's no alarm system

and that's the worst because...

that means no one's going

to get lazy watching, knowing

the alarm will pick up...

their mistakes, which means

the whole thing has got

to be a diversion job.

And that's good and that's bad,

because if the diversion's

too big, it'll draw pedestrians.

And if the diversion's

not big enough, it won't

draw that watchman.

Dortmunder, I don't know

where the hell you are

or what the hell you're sayin'.

Just tell me,

will you plan the job?

It's what I do.

Well, my God, you've expanded.

Can't beat the panic business

in this town.

Every time the "Daily News" has

a scare headline, people go bananas.

Hi. Did you

get what you want?

- Yes. Three locks. Thank you.

- Enjoy 'em.

- I got some really key guys

I can call for you for the job.

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