The Ice Harvest

People always say...

there's no such thing

as the perfect crime.

But I don't agree with that.

If you plan things

carefully enough...

if you think through

every last detail...

if you have nerves of steel...

if you can remain calm

no matter what happens...

there should be no problem

you can't handle.

It's really all

a matter of character.

Of course,

if I had any character...

I wouldn't have stolen

$2 million from my boss.

Christmas Eve.

Ho, ho, f***ing ho.

Well? How did it go?

Good. Went good.

How much?

A lot.

Am I gonna have to slap

the sh*t out of you? How much?

Vic, it's a great big

f***ing pile of money.

$2,147,000 and change.

Hmm.

My God,

we're actually doing this.

No, we're not doing it.

It's already done.

Look, don't be so worried.

The hard part's done already.

Everything worked

just like you said it would.

Yeah. I guess.

Just act normal for a few

hours and we're home free.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

You wanna take the money

and not me?

You wanna take the money?

No. I don't know.

I was just...

Well, if you wanna

take the money...

I mean, if you think

you can do a better job...

of guarding $2 million...

No, no, no. It should

be you. It should be you.

It's just we didn't

discuss that.

Are we through discussing it?

Or is there more to say

on the subject?

No, we're done.

Cool. Okay, shut the door.

Okay.

Okay. And, Charlie.

Yeah?

Act normal.

Yeah.

Oh, good! Good.

No, no, no.

No, no.

That's none of your business.

That's none of your

f***ing business, all right?

I don't give a sh*t,

you toothless old whore.

Mom. Mom, I gotta go.

Don't you ever

touch her again!

Sidney! Sidney! No! No!

Don't hurt him.

Jeez, it's Christmas.

I love you.

Don't be an a**hole.

Giselle, come on,

hop up there.

Merry Christmas, Sidney.

Hi, Charlie.

Didn't see you come in.

Who gave Rusti the shiner?

Her a**hole boyfriend.

Some dipshit guitar player.

I swear to God,

if he comes in here again...

I'm gonna break his

f***ing fingers.

Jesus, look at this place.

Just 'cause it's Christmas...

people all of a sudden

can't look at tits and ass?

Hi, Renata.

Hello, Counselor.

Not drinking tonight?

Just watching the floorshow.

Sidney, get my favorite

crooked lawyer a beer.

Actually, I'll take a rum.

Rum?

Mmm-hmm.

Rum and what?

Got any pineapple juice?

If you got one of those

little plastic umbrellas...

you can put that thing

in there.

What?

You look like the cat that

swallowed the canary, is what.

Like you're about

to belch a feather.

Been working on this

acquisition deal for a while...

and it finally came through,

so...

Is this

a Bill Guerrard thing?

No, this is a... No.

Charlie Arglist.

Man of mystery.

This mean

you're rich, Charlie?

'Cause if you are,

we could run away together.

It's a thought.

Leaving Wichita.

Damn right, it's a thought.

Come the first of the year, there'll

be no more nude dancing in the city.

Which means

I'm f***ed.

And don't tell me, "Move

out to the county," either.

Because Bill Guerrard's

got the county all to himself.

And I don't think

he's looking for competition.

Isn't that right,

Charlie?

You should let me

help you out.

If I was real smart, I'd

see this as an opportunity.

I could, you know.

Could what?

Help you.

You, Charlie?

If you had that photo...

Of Councilman Williams

and Cupcake? Mmm-hmm.

Vic's got that photo.

And I know

he won't give it to me...

because I've asked him nice

and he just won't.

Well, he wouldn't

have to know.

Well, that would be

just about...

the nicest Christmas present

you could give me, Charlie.

I'd have to think of something

extra nice to give you in return.

No. Forget it.

I appreciate the thought, but you'd

be getting in way over your head.

Vic Cavanaugh and Bill Guerrard

eat guys like you for lunch.

Sidney.

Yo.

I'll be back later

to close up.

It's against my religion

to give out personal advice...

but you should either sober up

or get real drunk.

That's f***ing horrible.

Toss it and give me a beer.

"As Wichita falls,

so falls Wichita Falls. "

Have you seen

Charlie tonight?

No. You just missed him.

How about Vic?

Seen Vic?

No. Not yet.

Of course,

it is Christmas.

Yeah, right.

Christmas.

"As Wichita falls,

so falls Wichita Falls. "

What sort of f***ing moron

would write such a thing?

Roy Gelles is in town.

Vic, did you hear me?

Roy Gelles is in town.

So what?

So he's looking for us.

So maybe he knows.

That's what.

Roy Gelles doesn't know sh*t.

Roy Gelles knows

what Bill Guerrard tells him.

And Bill doesn't know

sh*t either, so chill out.

Then what is he doing in town

on Christmas Eve?

Thank you, sweetie.

I appreciate it.

He's got a daughter in town.

Maybe he's visiting her.

Like you said,

it's Christmas.

That still doesn't explain

why he's at the Sweet Cage.

Listen, Charlie, don't go

squirrelly on me now, okay?

Just stick to the plan.

Maybe we should leave now.

Well, we're not going to.

In case you haven't noticed, it's

a f***ing hockey rink out there.

Oh, my God,

what have I done?

What?

Nothing.

They say the rain is

supposed to stop by midnight.

By 5:
00 in the morning,

we're in Kansas City...

where we enjoy a leisurely

breakfast at the airport...

and by 8:
00, we're on a plane

to someplace warm...

where it's against

the f***ing law to rain, okay?

Click.

Vic? Vic?

F*** me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa!

F***.

F***, f***, f***.

Hi, Mr. Arglist.

I didn't recognize you.

Hi.

Yeah. Boy, I didn't realize

how slippery that was.

Yeah. Didn't you notice all the

cars off the side of the road?

I wasn't paying close

enough attention, I guess.

You going somewhere, Mr. Arglist? No.

Hey, none of my business,

right?

I'd be careful, though.

We're gonna have this freezing

rain on and off all night...

so I'd stay off the road...

and probably take it easy

with that, too.

The next guy

who pulls you over...

might be somebody

who don't know any better.

I definitely owe you one.

All right. It's Tyler.

It's R.P. Tyler.

Remember my name

to Mr. Guerrard.

I will.

What is it?

Just kidding. Just kidding.

Have a merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

D*ckhead.

I'm not working Christmas

for no f***ing money, Dennis.

I'm not.

I could be at home spending

Christmas with my kids.

Your kids with your husband,

Francie. They in Denver.

F*** you very much

for throwing that in my face.

Look, you can cry all you

want, but you're still going on.

You've been here long enough

to know the goddamn drill.

You wanna work on the hot nights,

you gotta work on the cold.

F*** it, Dennis.

I'm not paying Bill Guerrard

a $100 stage rental fee...

so some old pervert can look at

my twat on Christmas f***ing Eve!

Go dance.

Tell you what.

Since it's Christmas Eve...

stage rental's on the house.

Hi, Charlie.

I didn't see you come in.

Hi.

You mean it?

Uh-huh.

Gee, thanks.

Since when are you a friend

of the working girl?

It's Christmas, Dennis.

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